In the past year or so, I have found that I don't really like saying the words, "I'm sorry" to someone close to me that has suffered a loss or is suffering from an illness.
Take cancer for example. I have a relative that got cancer about a year ago and she has gone through the major Kemo/ radiation already. She is currently stable and takes a lesser form of treatment, but is done with radiation. When I saw her in person near the beginning and talked to her, I realized that everyone that comes in and sees her must all say, "I'm sorry." I mean of course I feel sorry for her, but if you had cancer and heard, "I'm sorry" about 500 times, wouldn't it get old? Wouldn't it cause even more of a reason to be depressed about your situation if all anyone has to say is, "I'm sorry"? I tried my best to ask questions like how she was doing, how her daughters are, how her work will be affected, what the plans for treatment were, etc. Its not like I was ignoring the danger and negativity associated with cancer, but I tried to focus on talking about her while staying positive and optimistic. I did my best to not actually tell her "I'm sorry".
Lets take a less serious example now. A friends dog just died recently and he was actually quite shaken up over it. I went out of my way to not actually say "I'm sorry" to him. Rather, since I know him well and knew the dog quite well, I instead focused on the good things I had to say about the dog. When the topic came up, I purposely talked about memories I had about that dog and what made it unique. I did my best to try to help my friend remember the good things about the dog, rather than saying "I'm sorry" and possibly making him feel more bad.
So what are your thoughts on telling people you are sorry for them? Do you ever feel bad saying it and feel you shouldn't have? Do you ever avoid saying it like I do? Do you say it all the time in situations like this and never realized that person might not want to hear it? Let me know, thanks.
Take cancer for example. I have a relative that got cancer about a year ago and she has gone through the major Kemo/ radiation already. She is currently stable and takes a lesser form of treatment, but is done with radiation. When I saw her in person near the beginning and talked to her, I realized that everyone that comes in and sees her must all say, "I'm sorry." I mean of course I feel sorry for her, but if you had cancer and heard, "I'm sorry" about 500 times, wouldn't it get old? Wouldn't it cause even more of a reason to be depressed about your situation if all anyone has to say is, "I'm sorry"? I tried my best to ask questions like how she was doing, how her daughters are, how her work will be affected, what the plans for treatment were, etc. Its not like I was ignoring the danger and negativity associated with cancer, but I tried to focus on talking about her while staying positive and optimistic. I did my best to not actually tell her "I'm sorry".
Lets take a less serious example now. A friends dog just died recently and he was actually quite shaken up over it. I went out of my way to not actually say "I'm sorry" to him. Rather, since I know him well and knew the dog quite well, I instead focused on the good things I had to say about the dog. When the topic came up, I purposely talked about memories I had about that dog and what made it unique. I did my best to try to help my friend remember the good things about the dog, rather than saying "I'm sorry" and possibly making him feel more bad.
So what are your thoughts on telling people you are sorry for them? Do you ever feel bad saying it and feel you shouldn't have? Do you ever avoid saying it like I do? Do you say it all the time in situations like this and never realized that person might not want to hear it? Let me know, thanks.
