Hogwarts Year One: Chapter One: Pilot

Savior..

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*The Scene closes in on an average sized house in the middle of a Meadow*
???: Wake up Albus your going to be late, Come-on!
Albus: Ok! Ok! Im up

My name is Albus Severus Potter my friends call me Al short for Albus because they cant stand how long my name is. I have two parents named Harry and Ginny. As you can probably tell something important is happening today, well, something Very important is happening today, a once in a lifetime opportunity, i got the letter a few months ago,saying that i had been enrolled into Hogwarts, But This isn't your old run-of-the-mill kind of school that teaches English and Math, this School teaches Magic, i know its pretty hard to swallow but its all true i'm a young wizard. I have a little sister named Luna Potter who was named after a dear friend of my parents, But today's not about her today's about me! finally after months of waiting im going to Hogwarts anyway i gotta run, my dad is supposed to be showing me this cool magic trick, cya

Ginny: Albus, breakfast is ready!
Albus: Yeah im coming now mum!

*Albus ran down the stairs excited to see the new trick his father had promised to show him

Harry: Well your looking lively today Albus, why is this?
Albus: Im going to Hogwarts of course
Harry: How could i forget its all you've been talking about for weeks
Albus: I think your getting too old dad, your memory is deteriorating.
Harry: Is that so?
Albus: Yep
*Albus lets out a smirk
Ginny: Alright you two morons its about time we took off.
Albus: We'll never make it from here!
Harry: Of course we wouldn't, but that one of the great things about being a wizard
Harry flicks his wand in front of the fireplace and a great big emerald green color fire emerged
Albus: Wicked!
* Ginny hands Albus a cup with a silvery powder in it *
Ginny: That silvery powder is called Floo powder it allows a person to transport from one place to another with their fireplace, ill demonstrate
Ginny walks into the fireplace and grabs a handful of floo powder
Ginny: Now, to teleport to a certain place you have to say that places name very clearly and not like your father when he first traveled the floo Network
Harry: You'll never let that one go will you?
Ginny: No, Once you have said the name of the place you'd like to teleport you drop the foo powder and your off! ill go first so just stand back
*Ginny clears her throat*
Ginny: DIA-GON-ALLEY
*As soon as Ginny drops the powder the emerald green fire lifts up and she disappears*
Albus: Woah..
Harry: Its your turn albus
Albus: Yeah all right
*Albus grabbed a hand full of floo powder and walked into the fireplace*
Harry: You have to be very clear albus
Albus: Yeah..
*Albus cleared his throat*
Albus:... DIA-GON-ALLEY
* The green fire lifted and took Albus off to diagon alley*

Albus: Wow, so many people!
*Diagon Alley was amazing the were so many shops and people it was huge, not long after his arrival harry had found his mother and father *
Albus: Where do we go first?
Harry: we've already got everything all we need now is a wand
the family make there way through the large crowds to Olivanders a wand shop where many great wizards throughout history had got there very first wand
Olivander: Harry, and Ginny, its nice too see you, this is your son albus i presume?
Harry: Yes, hes here to get his very first wand, hes been enrolled into Hogwarts
Olivander: Congratulations my boy, if you want the finest wand try this
*Olivander hands albus a wand*
Olivander: This a unicorn string wand, Give it a wave.
*Albus waves the wand, and the light bulb smashes
Olivander: Obviously not, Umm.. try this one
*Olivander hands albus a wand, albus waves it and breaks olivanders table and chair*
Olivander: Definitely not... Try this one the goblin hair wand
* Olivander gives Albus the wand, albus waves it and all the wand boxes come flying off the shelf
Oivander: No.. no.. no...
Hmm.. try this one
Olivander gives Albus a wand, albus waves it and all the things that were broken were repaired
Olivander: Interesting, that wand is identical to the wand that was owned by Godric Gryffindor, Hmm very interesting, its a perfect match for you
Albus: Really?!
Olivander: Yes young boy
Ginny:Oh shoot is that the time we have to get going, how much for the wand sir
Olivander: Dont worry its on the house
Albus: Thankyou sir
Olivander: You'd best be going or the train will leave without you.
Albus: Right sir, come-on guy were going to be late
*Albus and his parents run out of the store*
Olivander: I wonder if that boy could.. No you old fool.. those times are over...
 
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Escorpiius

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Yay! Finally another FF about HP on the base. Well, it seems like you're going by the basics of Harry Potter storyline with your FF. I'd like to see how it unfolds, especially after the mention of Al's wand being the same as Godric Gryffindor.
It's a pretty good first chapter which re-introduces the flow of Wizarding world in the characters life. I'm surprised how you changed the storyline by excluding James and modifying Harry's lil' daughter's name from Lily to Luna. It isn't really to my taste as I love how J.K. Rowling gives complete free ending to her book. I can tend to be critical since I'm a huge HP fan; knowing almost everything to its core.
Coming to your language, your English is not bad but you should include more punctuations marks like . or , or ! ect.... as they also form of language.
Try to press 'Enter' between the lines to improve presentation by making it less messy though I know, you've made an extra-effort by coloring the names (which I find really time-consuming) as I couldn't managed to do it in my own FF.
+Rep for all your efforts and I shall see how your story unfolds.
 
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