I suffer from two things, to be unmotivated and depression but it's a recurring thing with the depression. I think my depression stems on how people use to treat me in middle school like I was a piece of shit, oh and how my relationships with girls I like always seem to go wrong. I fell in love once but she she turned me down and went for friend right in front of me. I felt like complete crap I wanted to give up on trying for anything. This is where my Social Anxiety increase and me thinking shitty about myself. I won't lie I did think about suicide more then once but my will to not do something that will hurt others because of my foolishness stops me from ever coming close to even doing it ever. I will also be starting college next year but I feel so unmotivated to do my school work it's stressing me out.
-I need help now to. :'(
it's completly natural, not everyone is mature enough for high school at the same time and those of us that are not ready get hurt really bad. those people and that girl you talked about sounds like shitty people and i hope you agree with me at least now that you are better of without them. i remember i had the worst friends during highschool and i kept them for years because i thought thats what i should do, have friends and those friends otherwise i will be a loner and be ashamed. but i was completly wrong, if your friends make you feel bad just leave them and don't say a word to them again. i can assure you there are lots of great people that will treat you right in collage or outside of it, you just need to get out and find them.
you are not a piece of shit, you are more then what they made you feel, they are a piece of shit for thinking they are better then you. frankly they are just stupid for driving you away cause it's their loss, you don't have to pay them any attention, go out and get the life that will make you happy.
about the suicide thing, even that is a natural feeling, but remember that suicide is final. while you are alive there is a chance, no matter how small, that things will change for the better. even if it is an extremly small chance, it's higher then the 0% chance of ever feeling better if you kill yourself. i think you should cling to that small chance (that is probably higher then you think) and live and get the life you want with the friends and people that treat you well and you want to be with. but if you kill yourself you will never get them.
so go out, if you like anime and manga find a manga store or club, if you like comics find a comics store, if you like video games find people in your area that meet and play. it's really much easier then you think to find like minded people, you just need to think where to look (hint, you probably figured already, but school is not always the place to find them).
and one last thing, good luck!
