Haunted by thoughts.

[stealth assassin]

Haunted by thoughts, you're always in my dreams.
I wish you weren't on my mind but it doesn't matter, so it seems.
The thoughts of what you've done, brings nothing but hate out of me.
Now your lies are crashing down all around you from your false reality.
Look at you now, I love it how you just don't care.
You come crawling back to me telling me how you wish you had someone there.
After all the pain you caused, my heart has grown colder.
I thought you would be different and not bring me pain like all the others.
I've now lost myself, I'm no longer who I once was.
You killed off what little emotion I had left, your actions is the cause.
Tho I'm not truly broken, I'm just more self aware.
I will never let my feelings be spoken, the pain that it brings is too much to bare.
To keep my sanity I must create a shell.
No longer will I fuel another's vanity, no longer will I drag myself through this hell.
Losing myself has only allowed me to be free.
I will forever be my self, not who others want me to be.
I don't care if they love me, there isn't a reason for me to change.
If you loved the real me, you would have wanted me to stay the same.
So leave me here now, it's those like you that have made me so bleak.
I'll continue to fade away until I reach the path that I seek.​

 

[Merita]

That's a great poem

I liked it.

 

[NaruGoku]

i don't know if this matters to you, but I'm an English teacher. If you'd like, you could PM me this poem and i could give you a full evaluation. Keep in mind though--if you decide to do it--that i really am a teacher so it won't be like "oh beautiful, this is lovely" it'll be more like "well, this would have more effect if... you can achieve this expression by..." it'll be a critique, constructive criticism, so it's up to you.

I offer this to anyone i see who has written a poem, so i'm just offering. if you think it's BS then by all means... it's fine. I'm just saying, if you want the type of evaluation that comes with advice and knowledge of the subject, i'm more than willing to help you out. BUT i have lots of people sending me stuff so i have to do it in the order it comes. You interested? if so, VM me

 

[0neCrazyAngel]

i think u are a good poet. better than most poets here. however, if u want to improve, NaruGoku can help u a lot! u should check him out.

OT- this is an EXCELLENT POEM. truly relatable.

Haunted by thoughts, you're always in my dreams.
I wish you weren't on my mind but it doesn't matter, so it seems.
The thoughts of what you've done, brings nothing but hate out of me. - i specially like these lines a lot.

i know someone who is feeling the same way right now and prolly cursing the person who has caused him this unbearable pain. as what i have said, a lot of people can relate to the poems that i have read from u.

keep it up! ur doing a great job! :ice:

 

[stealth assassin]

I'm not trying to improve on poetry. Poetry to me is an expression of emotion. To work at poetry would be impossible for someone who isn't trying to be good or trying at all, just writing what they feel or have felt before. My emotions stay bottled up, so when I write a poem sometimes I don't know where it's coming from, just that it's happened to me. I've experienced multiple types of pain in my 19, nearly 20 years of life, not mainly relationship pain but just from having a hard life. Poetry is an expression to me, I shouldn't have to work at an expression, because it is an expression. If someone was to start telling me how I should write, I'd get pretty pissed. It's my emotion, not theirs, what I write is my emotion. Therefore it isn't something that is changeable or something that can be improved, it's past tense. I use the words that I find are best to use in each line, keeping it simple, understandable and overall easy to read. Simplicity keeps you from being limited and keeps you relaxed, being relaxed keeps you free and more open to express. Poetry is also not something that I find requires a certain amount of skill or should need pointers on. Let the person describe how they feel and express themselves, at least they are capable at using poetry as a tool for expression. If I'm going to write, it is how I am going to write, not how others think I should write. I don't care if i typ lyk dis whn i wryt on ta paprz because it is an expression, and expressing it is all that matters to me.