gigaketsu chronicles: chapter 3

[darkecho47]

oh yay another misssion this time the real killer bee and it will be the real killer bee

not some weak copy. and no one like lame weak sasuke its someone i respect, kisame hoshigaki

this fight should be interesting. i was hoping they could get at it imediatly i dont wish to

be here all day. wow he seems strong. the fight is begining and they are dooing some

impressive fighting. i cant tell who is wining but it is amazing." woah!" i had to dodge

some progectile it was a, a, a pencil astounding the jinjuriki is truly worthy of his

reputation. however kisame is no weakling he seems to be prevailing. oh what is this an

enourmus dome of water that is amazing there's no comparison to this power.what is that

giant panda dooing here theres no reason for interferance with this fight. id better drain

chakra, well this is interesting. it seems like i cant do anything under the pressure of the

water that is the true power of kisame. wow that form gives me chills as well ha ha ha,not

really i am never scared, timid mabey but not scared. the fight seems to be draging on

kisame beating the tar out of the jinjuriki while it is being drained of it chakra. i wonder

how my uncle is doing at the kage meeting. well what is this, the bubble has been broken?

no kisame seems to be finished. a truly brutal victory. oh no sahmeda is revolting that is

unfortunate, oh he took care of it. well that's nice, the finishing blow what how could i

not have sensed him before some being with immense chakra stronger than that of any i've

felt before. no it can't be the riekage there's no way why "no kisame move"... to late he's

dead this will not bode well for maddara.

please comment your critiques and yes please be brutaly honest i want to get better

 

[chanxyz]

Hey Kech.Here is what I think.This is a friendly suggestion,if I offended u in any way,I would like to apologize first.
1.You need a description of the scenery and what the characters are doing first.(eg,In the green forest somewhere outside konoha,Sasuke is walking with his 3 followers.)

2.U need to describe the speaker.eg(Sasuke-"stay quiet everyone,I hear something!"

3.Make each plot in a paragraph,so that we can keep track of the story.I will write a short one for you.

Title-The Menacing shadow!

In the green forest somewhere outside konoha,Sasuke is walking with his 3 followers.~foot steps~tat tat tat.Suddenly,a faint sound of a branch cracked came into Sasuke's sharp ears.

Sasuke-"Stop!shh.I hear something."Sasuke quietly tracked the noise cautiously,with other 3 behind him.They arrived at the spot and see a strange black shadow with demonic chakra!And the shadow sees them,staring at them with crimson red eyes.

3 followers-"eek,what is that weird thing?"

PS.IT IS MY OWN SAMPLE WRITTEN FOR YOU.IT TOOK ME SOME TIME.YOU CAN ALSO SAY WHAT U THINK ABOUT IT TOO.