Right, I know..LOL! I've laid off a little with the details actually. Though, I've had loads of them with the previous 14 chapters. Usually ends up with more or less 2000 words and becomes really lengthy to read already. Also, I'm in a hurry to finish this up and go off somewhere else.^^Very nice. Good twist on the canon characters. I like how you use the colors for different people, too.
Some good descriptive words in there would really add some atmosphere and draw the reader in. It sometimes seems like the characters are just standing on a blank sheet of paper.
Overall 3/5
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