This was supposed to be longer than it already is, but I decided it was too long for one chapter, so Chapter 4 will be a direct continuation of this one, just to let you know now. These two chapters should give you plenty, if not all, of the answers you were waiting for
Enjoy
"Anyone whose name is written in this notebook will…die? Heh, what are the odds?"
I suppose anybody that found their self in my position would have thought the same thing, but only a cursed few would have done what I did next. I wasn’t ready to believe it for a second, but, at the same time, I was never one to leave out any possibilities, no matter the odds. It’s the reason I’m able to tell this story. But, if I was going to test this so-called "Death Note" on another human being, it would have to be a criminal, …someone this world would be better off without, anyways. It was the most humane option available to me at the time…and I already had a test subject in mind. However, before I could write his surname into the note, I stopped and thought about it once more.
"No. If I’m truly going to do this, I need to be as discreet as possible. I don’t know anything about this guy, let alone his health conditions. If he’s been perfectly healthy his whole life and then suddenly dies of a heart attack, there’s bound to be at least one person that finds it too hard to believe it was a coincidence. And if they manage to find out he was the one who killed my parents, as well…yeah, it’ll be best if I make his death accidental. Let’s see, …a car crash should do the trick."
I quickly wrote down my thoughts and closed the notebook again. After placing my pen on my desk, I stood up and I walked over to my bedroom window. I remained there for what seemed like days before I finally took my cross pendant into my clenched fist and closed my eyes for a moment, opening them again when I had finished my prayer.
"God forgive me, …if this notebook turns out to be genuine."
I have to say, though, whether that Death Note was real or not, this would’ve certainly been the most interesting thing I had done in recent days. As I said before, my needs are limited. I rarely left my home outside of school hours and I don’t exactly eat very much. In fact, my diet really only consisted of potato chips (preferably barbeque-flavored), any array of chocolates or sweets, gum (preferably spearmint-flavored), an occasional visit to a restaurant, and I also frequently make chocolate chip cookies, using the recipe my mother always used. And, of course, I also have the cherry-flavored lollipops that I adore so much. I actually found myself to be low on them later that day, while the rest of my supplies were well-stocked, but being that they were my only true necessity in life, I decided to make one of my occasional trips to the store. I was rather bored at the moment, anyways. Having been too lazy to strive for a license, I ended up selling my parents’ cars for extra funds, so I walked everywhere I went. I might have ended up regretting going out this day, however. No more than four blocks outside my neighborhood, the sight that was now in front of my eyes would ultimately change the course of my life…for the worst.
"A car accident? What the hell…could it…? No, quit jumping to conclusions, Uric."
I had to find out who the victim was, …just to make sure. A police officer at the scene would be the best source of information available to me and I quickly spotted one. Lying on the ground next to him was a long, blue bag, the contents of which were easy to decipher. I couldn’t just walk up to it and open it, so I went ahead and asked the officer.
"Excuse me, officer?"
The man was apparently troubled by the fact that he was brought to the scene of somebody’s death, but he was kind enough to listen to my request.
"Would you be able to tell me…who that is over there?"
He stared at me for a second, but it was easy for me to guess what he was thinking about asking me. I answered him, promptly.
"Just checking to make sure that it’s not somebody I know, officer."
He looked over at the bag and took a rather deep breath before looking back at me.
"Of course. Here, this card was found in this poor man’s possession. You can just check his name and face on it and see for yourself."
The card already looked familiar as he held it in his hand, but the moment I checked its content, an almost painful chill ran down my spine. This wasn’t a normal car accident…it was a murder.
"…Alright, that’s a relief. Just checking to make sure. Thank you, officer."
"Anytime, son."
Aside from a few exchanges with store cashier, I made absolutely no noise on the way to my destination and the walk back to my house. Once I had made it home, I entered the password and scanned my thumbprint before opening the door. The moment both of my feet were inside the house, I shut the door behind me and dropped the grocery bag before falling to the floors in tears. To this day, my reasoning for these actions evades me. I showed absolutely no remorse when this man took away my family, but my own retaliation to his crimes managed to push me over the edge. Was it because I was now a murderer, a horrible sinner in the eyes of God, …or did I somehow know that I was no longer in his eyes at all? The tears fell for no less than ten minutes before I wiped the last of them from my eyes…and smiled.
"Good riddance."
It was an exceptionally dark night, as I recall. In fact, the five nights that had passed since I killed that man were all unusually dark…and I would soon know why. My music was on, echoing throughout my home, while I sat in my room and fiddled with the cross around my neck. The only light in my room was emitting from the lamp on my desk. In truth, I was just trying to enjoy the song that was playing, …something I haven’t done in a while. After a while, I held the pendant in front of my face and pressed it against my lips. When I retracted it, though, I noticed something about it that I hadn’t before…and it terrified me. I polished this cross every single day out of respect for the man on it, but at this moment, its shine was completely gone. And then, I heard his voice for the first time. I might have thought it was God had it not been so…sinister.
"Reminiscing on our actions, are we?"
I was frozen with fear, but I would never let this intruder know this, so I replied.
"…No, actually. I was just enjoying my music. Here, let me turn it down real quick."
I reached beside me for the remote to the audio speakers, while simultaneously, I dug into my pocket for my phone, which had a reflective screen. He must have seen this take place, as he gave me a warning about his…appearance.
"I recommend you take a nice, deep breath before you hold that phone up. You’re not going to enjoy the sight very much, I’ll tell you that."
He chuckled for a minute, while I let his words so far run through my mind.
"He must be the one that the Death Note belongs to. How else would he know I killed that man? But, …the notebook works…and there lies a problem. Where the hell would a human manage to obtain something with such…supernatural power? …Unless, …he’s not human. But what, then? …Wait a minute, …he could be…"
Taking my guess, I lifted the phone up to gaze at his reflection…and I turned out to be correct. Had I not made an educated of his nature beforehand, I might have dived to the floor in fear, because he did have a truly frightening appearance. But, my composure was well-kept, something I still take pride in to this day.
"So, …you’re a Shinigami, am I right?"
His facial expressions weren’t exactly the most…varied of sorts, but I’m sure he would have shown his surprise, had he been able to.
"Hmmm…very good. Looks like we have a pretty smart one here, don’t we?"
"You could say that…but, to me, it’s just common sense. Once I factor it down, whom else could it be? So, …why are you here? For the Death Note…or for me?"
He chuckled again. Was it because I was right…or far from it?
"Neither."
"What?"
"Heh heh heh heh, …well, at least not for now. Eventually, I’m going to have to write your name in my own Death Note, but for now, all I can do is sit around and wait until your time to die arrives. Hopefully, …you can entertain me in the meantime."
This was utterly confusing, but my desire for more information prompted me to ask more of him.
"…Well, if you’re going to be around for a while, we might as well get to know one another. My name is Uric Atari-"
"Oh, don’t worry about your name. I already know it."
It was so odd. Everything he said gave me more questions, …but I just had to know.
"What do you mean? How do you know it already when I haven’t told you yet?"
"…Well, if you must know, …it’s all in the eyes."
"…Your eyes? You’re telling me you can see my name right now?"
"Very good. Your sharp wit continues to impress me…Uric."
I thought on this for a second. The idea of walking around and seeing the name of everyone I met floating over their heads sounded so, …for lack of a better word, mediocre. Why would a Shinigami need to know a person’s name, anyways? Certainly, it would make killing a person all the easier, but what would he gain from doing that? That had to more to it than that…and I knew it.
"What else do you see?"
"Hmm? And what makes you think-?"
"Please, don’t lie to me. We’re going to be roommates for a while, so you might as well be honest with me now."
"This kid…ooh, he’s a bright one, alright."
"What if I said I saw your remaining lifespan, as well?"
Well, it certainly took me by surprise, but it quickly began making sense to me…and all the other pieces of the puzzle soon began coming together shortly afterwards.
"Let me take another educated guess. The reason you need to know a person’s lifespan…has something to do with your own, doesn’t it?"
When he didn’t respond right away, I further explained my hypothesis.
"Something tells me Shinigami aren’t immortal…hmph, and they call you "Gods of death". No, the reason you need to know the lifespan of humans…is so you know how many years you’ll get once you kill them before their time has come. …Well, am I right…or am I right?"
"Unbelievable. It’s as if he knew all about Shinigami before he knew they even existed."
"Well done. I must say, your cleverness is so intriguing to watch, …I might actually enjoy the time we’ll be spending together, Uric."
"Ah, that reminds me. I never got your name, did I? What is it?"
"You may call me…Shahim."
"Well, Shahim, I’ll think we’ll get along just fine. So, tell me, how long will we be living together?"
"Hehehehehe…until you die."
"Well, I already was informed of that. How long will that be, though?"
"Heh, as if I’d tell you. I may be here, Uric, but not of my own volition. The Shinigami code forces me to remain with the first human to touch the Death Note when it enters this world until they die, so I’m not here to give you all the answers you want…only those I’m required to."
"Oh? And what else are you required to tell me?"
He paused for a moment…I could swear that I saw his smile become slightly larger. Whatever he was about to tell me…would have been better to go unknown.
"I’m afraid you’ve already used your Death Note once, which means that you will now be subject to the pure terror known only to those who have also done so. Upon your time of death, …you will be banished to a realm of utter nothingness, unable to enter Heaven or Hell for the rest of time. …Well, that’s all I have to say, so…any more questions you’d like to ask?"
Any joy I had ever felt in my life…now seemed to me as if it had never occurred at all. My parents were living peacefully in God’s kingdom…and I would never be able to join them. I stood in silence for no more than thirty seconds…before I finally fell to the ground, tears erupting from my eyes as they never had before. Shahim obviously didn’t comprehend my sorrow, a premise given to me by his next course of action.
"Hey, …what’s the big deal? At least no-"
"SHUT UP, SHINIGAMI!! JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!! What the hell would you know about the way I feel right now!? Millions of murders are committed every year, murderers are saved by God every day, yet I’m banished from Heaven for doing it with a method completely different from the rest! …DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT I JUST LOST!!?"
…No. Of course, he didn’t. What could a Shinigami know about it? A being required to take life in order to extend its own would never know anything about love, …let alone losing it.
"Alright, my bad. Don’t get angry with me, though. You should’ve known that there would be consequences for this, so blame yourself."
"It’s your notebook, you dropped it here, …so you’re to blame."
"And yet you picked it up, instead of tossing it away in belief that it was just a prank. You never had to use it. In fact, you knew who that man was, so why didn't you inform your police of it? Maybe, if you were lucky, they would've killed him for you."
"He wasn't theirs to kill! He held no connection to any of those policemen and, certainly not, the executioner! Why would I make yet another person guilty of killing a man he's never met!? ...No. He was my problem, he killed my parents, WHICH MADE HIM MINE TO JUDGE!!"
I fell completely silent as the final words left my mouth. ...I was wrong. Who was I to judge another human being? ...Yet, I did it, anyways. I had already disregarded God's judgement long before he placed it on me...and, as a result, I lost any and all access to His kingdom. It wasn't Shahim's fault, nor that man's. ...It was mine.
"I…I’m sorry, …Shahim."
As per usual, my remarks only worked to further confuse him.
"For what? …Oh, yeah. Eh, it doesn’t matter. Just forget it."
I would’ve responded to this, but I decided to clear my mind and, hopefully, forget this ever happened. Once my tears had dried, I stood up and left the room.
"Hey, where are you going?"
"I need some comfort food."
Shahim
"Anyone whose name is written in this notebook will…die? Heh, what are the odds?"
I suppose anybody that found their self in my position would have thought the same thing, but only a cursed few would have done what I did next. I wasn’t ready to believe it for a second, but, at the same time, I was never one to leave out any possibilities, no matter the odds. It’s the reason I’m able to tell this story. But, if I was going to test this so-called "Death Note" on another human being, it would have to be a criminal, …someone this world would be better off without, anyways. It was the most humane option available to me at the time…and I already had a test subject in mind. However, before I could write his surname into the note, I stopped and thought about it once more.
"No. If I’m truly going to do this, I need to be as discreet as possible. I don’t know anything about this guy, let alone his health conditions. If he’s been perfectly healthy his whole life and then suddenly dies of a heart attack, there’s bound to be at least one person that finds it too hard to believe it was a coincidence. And if they manage to find out he was the one who killed my parents, as well…yeah, it’ll be best if I make his death accidental. Let’s see, …a car crash should do the trick."
I quickly wrote down my thoughts and closed the notebook again. After placing my pen on my desk, I stood up and I walked over to my bedroom window. I remained there for what seemed like days before I finally took my cross pendant into my clenched fist and closed my eyes for a moment, opening them again when I had finished my prayer.
"God forgive me, …if this notebook turns out to be genuine."
I have to say, though, whether that Death Note was real or not, this would’ve certainly been the most interesting thing I had done in recent days. As I said before, my needs are limited. I rarely left my home outside of school hours and I don’t exactly eat very much. In fact, my diet really only consisted of potato chips (preferably barbeque-flavored), any array of chocolates or sweets, gum (preferably spearmint-flavored), an occasional visit to a restaurant, and I also frequently make chocolate chip cookies, using the recipe my mother always used. And, of course, I also have the cherry-flavored lollipops that I adore so much. I actually found myself to be low on them later that day, while the rest of my supplies were well-stocked, but being that they were my only true necessity in life, I decided to make one of my occasional trips to the store. I was rather bored at the moment, anyways. Having been too lazy to strive for a license, I ended up selling my parents’ cars for extra funds, so I walked everywhere I went. I might have ended up regretting going out this day, however. No more than four blocks outside my neighborhood, the sight that was now in front of my eyes would ultimately change the course of my life…for the worst.
"A car accident? What the hell…could it…? No, quit jumping to conclusions, Uric."
I had to find out who the victim was, …just to make sure. A police officer at the scene would be the best source of information available to me and I quickly spotted one. Lying on the ground next to him was a long, blue bag, the contents of which were easy to decipher. I couldn’t just walk up to it and open it, so I went ahead and asked the officer.
"Excuse me, officer?"
The man was apparently troubled by the fact that he was brought to the scene of somebody’s death, but he was kind enough to listen to my request.
"Would you be able to tell me…who that is over there?"
He stared at me for a second, but it was easy for me to guess what he was thinking about asking me. I answered him, promptly.
"Just checking to make sure that it’s not somebody I know, officer."
He looked over at the bag and took a rather deep breath before looking back at me.
"Of course. Here, this card was found in this poor man’s possession. You can just check his name and face on it and see for yourself."
The card already looked familiar as he held it in his hand, but the moment I checked its content, an almost painful chill ran down my spine. This wasn’t a normal car accident…it was a murder.
"…Alright, that’s a relief. Just checking to make sure. Thank you, officer."
"Anytime, son."
Aside from a few exchanges with store cashier, I made absolutely no noise on the way to my destination and the walk back to my house. Once I had made it home, I entered the password and scanned my thumbprint before opening the door. The moment both of my feet were inside the house, I shut the door behind me and dropped the grocery bag before falling to the floors in tears. To this day, my reasoning for these actions evades me. I showed absolutely no remorse when this man took away my family, but my own retaliation to his crimes managed to push me over the edge. Was it because I was now a murderer, a horrible sinner in the eyes of God, …or did I somehow know that I was no longer in his eyes at all? The tears fell for no less than ten minutes before I wiped the last of them from my eyes…and smiled.
"Good riddance."
It was an exceptionally dark night, as I recall. In fact, the five nights that had passed since I killed that man were all unusually dark…and I would soon know why. My music was on, echoing throughout my home, while I sat in my room and fiddled with the cross around my neck. The only light in my room was emitting from the lamp on my desk. In truth, I was just trying to enjoy the song that was playing, …something I haven’t done in a while. After a while, I held the pendant in front of my face and pressed it against my lips. When I retracted it, though, I noticed something about it that I hadn’t before…and it terrified me. I polished this cross every single day out of respect for the man on it, but at this moment, its shine was completely gone. And then, I heard his voice for the first time. I might have thought it was God had it not been so…sinister.
"Reminiscing on our actions, are we?"
I was frozen with fear, but I would never let this intruder know this, so I replied.
"…No, actually. I was just enjoying my music. Here, let me turn it down real quick."
I reached beside me for the remote to the audio speakers, while simultaneously, I dug into my pocket for my phone, which had a reflective screen. He must have seen this take place, as he gave me a warning about his…appearance.
"I recommend you take a nice, deep breath before you hold that phone up. You’re not going to enjoy the sight very much, I’ll tell you that."
He chuckled for a minute, while I let his words so far run through my mind.
"He must be the one that the Death Note belongs to. How else would he know I killed that man? But, …the notebook works…and there lies a problem. Where the hell would a human manage to obtain something with such…supernatural power? …Unless, …he’s not human. But what, then? …Wait a minute, …he could be…"
Taking my guess, I lifted the phone up to gaze at his reflection…and I turned out to be correct. Had I not made an educated of his nature beforehand, I might have dived to the floor in fear, because he did have a truly frightening appearance. But, my composure was well-kept, something I still take pride in to this day.
"So, …you’re a Shinigami, am I right?"
His facial expressions weren’t exactly the most…varied of sorts, but I’m sure he would have shown his surprise, had he been able to.
"Hmmm…very good. Looks like we have a pretty smart one here, don’t we?"
"You could say that…but, to me, it’s just common sense. Once I factor it down, whom else could it be? So, …why are you here? For the Death Note…or for me?"
He chuckled again. Was it because I was right…or far from it?
"Neither."
"What?"
"Heh heh heh heh, …well, at least not for now. Eventually, I’m going to have to write your name in my own Death Note, but for now, all I can do is sit around and wait until your time to die arrives. Hopefully, …you can entertain me in the meantime."
This was utterly confusing, but my desire for more information prompted me to ask more of him.
"…Well, if you’re going to be around for a while, we might as well get to know one another. My name is Uric Atari-"
"Oh, don’t worry about your name. I already know it."
It was so odd. Everything he said gave me more questions, …but I just had to know.
"What do you mean? How do you know it already when I haven’t told you yet?"
"…Well, if you must know, …it’s all in the eyes."
"…Your eyes? You’re telling me you can see my name right now?"
"Very good. Your sharp wit continues to impress me…Uric."
I thought on this for a second. The idea of walking around and seeing the name of everyone I met floating over their heads sounded so, …for lack of a better word, mediocre. Why would a Shinigami need to know a person’s name, anyways? Certainly, it would make killing a person all the easier, but what would he gain from doing that? That had to more to it than that…and I knew it.
"What else do you see?"
"Hmm? And what makes you think-?"
"Please, don’t lie to me. We’re going to be roommates for a while, so you might as well be honest with me now."
"This kid…ooh, he’s a bright one, alright."
"What if I said I saw your remaining lifespan, as well?"
Well, it certainly took me by surprise, but it quickly began making sense to me…and all the other pieces of the puzzle soon began coming together shortly afterwards.
"Let me take another educated guess. The reason you need to know a person’s lifespan…has something to do with your own, doesn’t it?"
When he didn’t respond right away, I further explained my hypothesis.
"Something tells me Shinigami aren’t immortal…hmph, and they call you "Gods of death". No, the reason you need to know the lifespan of humans…is so you know how many years you’ll get once you kill them before their time has come. …Well, am I right…or am I right?"
"Unbelievable. It’s as if he knew all about Shinigami before he knew they even existed."
"Well done. I must say, your cleverness is so intriguing to watch, …I might actually enjoy the time we’ll be spending together, Uric."
"Ah, that reminds me. I never got your name, did I? What is it?"
"You may call me…Shahim."
"Well, Shahim, I’ll think we’ll get along just fine. So, tell me, how long will we be living together?"
"Hehehehehe…until you die."
"Well, I already was informed of that. How long will that be, though?"
"Heh, as if I’d tell you. I may be here, Uric, but not of my own volition. The Shinigami code forces me to remain with the first human to touch the Death Note when it enters this world until they die, so I’m not here to give you all the answers you want…only those I’m required to."
"Oh? And what else are you required to tell me?"
He paused for a moment…I could swear that I saw his smile become slightly larger. Whatever he was about to tell me…would have been better to go unknown.
"I’m afraid you’ve already used your Death Note once, which means that you will now be subject to the pure terror known only to those who have also done so. Upon your time of death, …you will be banished to a realm of utter nothingness, unable to enter Heaven or Hell for the rest of time. …Well, that’s all I have to say, so…any more questions you’d like to ask?"
Any joy I had ever felt in my life…now seemed to me as if it had never occurred at all. My parents were living peacefully in God’s kingdom…and I would never be able to join them. I stood in silence for no more than thirty seconds…before I finally fell to the ground, tears erupting from my eyes as they never had before. Shahim obviously didn’t comprehend my sorrow, a premise given to me by his next course of action.
"Hey, …what’s the big deal? At least no-"
"SHUT UP, SHINIGAMI!! JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!! What the hell would you know about the way I feel right now!? Millions of murders are committed every year, murderers are saved by God every day, yet I’m banished from Heaven for doing it with a method completely different from the rest! …DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT I JUST LOST!!?"
…No. Of course, he didn’t. What could a Shinigami know about it? A being required to take life in order to extend its own would never know anything about love, …let alone losing it.
"Alright, my bad. Don’t get angry with me, though. You should’ve known that there would be consequences for this, so blame yourself."
"It’s your notebook, you dropped it here, …so you’re to blame."
"And yet you picked it up, instead of tossing it away in belief that it was just a prank. You never had to use it. In fact, you knew who that man was, so why didn't you inform your police of it? Maybe, if you were lucky, they would've killed him for you."
"He wasn't theirs to kill! He held no connection to any of those policemen and, certainly not, the executioner! Why would I make yet another person guilty of killing a man he's never met!? ...No. He was my problem, he killed my parents, WHICH MADE HIM MINE TO JUDGE!!"
I fell completely silent as the final words left my mouth. ...I was wrong. Who was I to judge another human being? ...Yet, I did it, anyways. I had already disregarded God's judgement long before he placed it on me...and, as a result, I lost any and all access to His kingdom. It wasn't Shahim's fault, nor that man's. ...It was mine.
"I…I’m sorry, …Shahim."
As per usual, my remarks only worked to further confuse him.
"For what? …Oh, yeah. Eh, it doesn’t matter. Just forget it."
I would’ve responded to this, but I decided to clear my mind and, hopefully, forget this ever happened. Once my tears had dried, I stood up and left the room.
"Hey, where are you going?"
"I need some comfort food."
- The End -
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