Darksiders rise of the horsemen: Chapter one: the genesis.

naruto kyuubi

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Chapter one: the genesis.
Before time there was no earth, no heaven and no hell it was a void dark void full of arcane energy. But then he came he tapped in to the power and created earth around it too protect it. He created life, all was perfect. But then even the best laid plans get screwed big-time, in the crimson city of the heaven trouble stirred its hydra head Lucifer and Samael his trusted generals rebelled and for the throne of almighty the battle ensue, though he was stronger his enemies were more in number and his victory was a costly one his power was broken, Lucifer stole part of it his armies of angels were defeated nor could they be sent against Lucifer for from his fiery chasm he could corrupt the hearts of the angels only the handful of seraphim warriors were safe. And like this the second kingdom of hell was created. He knew this fight has barely begun so created a new race of warriors named”NEPHILIM”. These warriors were incorruptible from the powers of Lucifer and their battle skill surpassed the angels by far. They lived by their blades I was one of the nephilims, I was then known as Nathaniel son of the chieftain Doomhammer. We guarded both heaven and earth by our lives again and again we clashed against the horde of hell with time their power grew but with our strong will we guarded the earth. It was in one of such a battle where my father fell. I remember that fight as if it was yesterday.
He led a host of both nephilims and angels to the wasteland of Darren Amroth, neither I nor my brothers were allowed to go. Before setting out to war father called me to him,” son, I have fought a thousand battles but this battle it’s going to be my last though you are my youngest child I know you more than your brothers. In your heart beats the very fire that will never let our name be forgotten to the world.” If only he knew how wrong he was.
Two days later a huge meteor crashed in the citadel amidst the ruin I spotted the broken body of my father he helm was lost his sword was broken in his chest a spear was buried deep in his chest a spear bearing the mark of Lucifer.
I stood there speechless watching the dead body of the one who gave life to me I felt a rage boiling inside me a rage I never knew I possessed. The veins in my body burned as I felt raw power finding course through my body. I knelt down before the dead body of my sire and picked up his broken blade, “I promise you father I will take revenge for your death hell will burn even more.”
I felt a soft and tender hand touch me I turned to see Ambriel standing behind ,”come on, you are the new leader for us, you must lead us to glory if you break down then our entire race will. For them for me don’t give up”

check the prologue out here:
please give reviews and let me know how i did
 
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Seffy

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Story line was good. Easy to follow however there was some errors in it and some slight repititive use, like the word "dead body" the second time you could have used corpse. ;) Also I'm not sure if I would've started a sentence with and, but I think that it's not really conisdered an error anymore. As most people are excepting that conjuction at the start of a sentence. All in all good job! I was able to follow it easily ^_^
 

naruto kyuubi

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Story line was good. Easy to follow however there was some errors in it and some slight repititive use, like the word "dead body" the second time you could have used corpse. ;) Also I'm not sure if I would've started a sentence with and, but I think that it's not really conisdered an error anymore. As most people are excepting that conjuction at the start of a sentence. All in all good job! I was able to follow it easily ^_^
thanks really thanks
 

Reborn

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Story line was good. Easy to follow however there was some errors in it and some slight repititive use, like the word "dead body" the second time you could have used corpse. ;) Also I'm not sure if I would've started a sentence with and, but I think that it's not really conisdered an error anymore. As most people are excepting that conjuction at the start of a sentence. All in all good job! I was able to follow it easily ^_^
What she said -.- lolxd jk

For real, I really did like this, your storyline sounds great, and I might even like it better then your previous story. Like sensei said, there were those few errors, but the way you presented the story was fantastic and truely this is a good style for you. I can already feel how dynamic these characters are and I'm anxious to read more. This is sort of a pseudo-religious piece and I feel that I can really get into this.

I have only two suggestions

1) grammar
2) Don't take so damn long to post your chapters, I hate suspencexd jk go at your own pace.
 

Darth Atlas

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Really good but I'm alittle disappointed it's not about one of the horsemen but over all amazing really follows the story line. Still cannot wait till darksiders 2:D:D
 
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