[Adventure] Crow in the Shadows: The Mission
- Thread starter ~Uzumaki~
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Six Paths
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How come I have never seen this? I gotta say, no lies that this is the most detailed and well written start of a chapter I have ever read. The weak things for Fan fictions in general is that you have to describe the surroundings in detail, But this had no weakness, I feel like the scene is immediately created in my mind and I have just to continue reading to force those images to move. I gotta read from now on all of them, and I will be stoked for any chapter you might ever release. I might even go to that level and call you the Ismail Kadara of NB, (Google the name) Great Work.
I hate reviving old threads, but you leave me no choice man xP...
Review (I apologize if it's kind of short by my standards, but I also had to review Serena's new work and it's already getting late):
There's a grammar mistake in the second(!) word of the Author's note >_< xP I guess that's not a good thing, hah!
So who was this writer you were talking about?? Roku? I suppose that would make sense regarding the "sudden" part.
Let's get over to the actual chapter, shall we?
The first thing I notice is your narrative. It's far better than my own, so that's definitively a thumbs up for starters. I also think the style fits this story quite well, so you made a good choice there.
One of the other first things I notice is that the atmosphere is quite illuminating, as in, it's drawing you in quite phenomenally. I did question the fact that you didn't seem to point out that there were four male shinobi in your description of them, stating that one of them was a blonde (which in truth is a term used more in a reference to a female contrary to the expression of "blond" to males. This might be one of the few times I can measure up to you guys (Ryan, etc) in terms of English, haha. Anyways, thought I would just point that out).
A year ago, I would probably have said that this was a bit short of a chapter, but nowadays I would like to say that this is the preferred length (depending on how far it is between each releases that is of course).
I don't know if I can add much to what the others said, but this kind of blew my mind (naturally, or in one sense, I'm kind of surprised really).
Overall, I give this a 9/10 ^^ Story (9), Narrative (10), Grammar (9.5), length (7.5)
PS: I realize now who the person you were referring to in the opening intro was not Roku at all, haha.
Review (I apologize if it's kind of short by my standards, but I also had to review Serena's new work and it's already getting late):
There's a grammar mistake in the second(!) word of the Author's note >_< xP I guess that's not a good thing, hah!
So who was this writer you were talking about?? Roku? I suppose that would make sense regarding the "sudden" part.Let's get over to the actual chapter, shall we?
The first thing I notice is your narrative. It's far better than my own, so that's definitively a thumbs up for starters. I also think the style fits this story quite well, so you made a good choice there.
One of the other first things I notice is that the atmosphere is quite illuminating, as in, it's drawing you in quite phenomenally. I did question the fact that you didn't seem to point out that there were four male shinobi in your description of them, stating that one of them was a blonde (which in truth is a term used more in a reference to a female contrary to the expression of "blond" to males. This might be one of the few times I can measure up to you guys (Ryan, etc) in terms of English, haha. Anyways, thought I would just point that out).
A year ago, I would probably have said that this was a bit short of a chapter, but nowadays I would like to say that this is the preferred length (depending on how far it is between each releases that is of course).
I don't know if I can add much to what the others said, but this kind of blew my mind (naturally, or in one sense, I'm kind of surprised really).
Overall, I give this a 9/10 ^^ Story (9), Narrative (10), Grammar (9.5), length (7.5)
PS: I realize now who the person you were referring to in the opening intro was not Roku at all, haha.
I am glad you got to this man. Mind blowing? You flatter me too much lol. The chapter is short. If you do decide to follow this fic, you would see some more meaty chapters. Though readers seem to dwindle away with the increase in length haha. That could have also been caused by my going on a hiatus every now and then...Anyways I hope I got a new reader here....even though he was coerced in to reading lol. Thanks anyways broI hate reviving old threads, but you leave me no choice man xP...
Review (I apologize if it's kind of short by my standards, but I also had to review Serena's new work and it's already getting late):
There's a grammar mistake in the second(!) word of the Author's note >_< xP I guess that's not a good thing, hah!
Let's get over to the actual chapter, shall we?
The first thing I notice is your narrative. It's far better than my own, so that's definitively a thumbs up for starters. I also think the style fits this story quite well, so you made a good choice there.
One of the other first things I notice is that the atmosphere is quite illuminating, as in, it's drawing you in quite phenomenally. I did question the fact that you didn't seem to point out that there were four male shinobi in your description of them, stating that one of them was a blonde (which in truth is a term used more in a reference to a female contrary to the expression of "blond" to males. This might be one of the few times I can measure up to you guys (Ryan, etc) in terms of English, haha. Anyways, thought I would just point that out).
A year ago, I would probably have said that this was a bit short of a chapter, but nowadays I would like to say that this is the preferred length (depending on how far it is between each releases that is of course).
I don't know if I can add much to what the others said, but this kind of blew my mind (naturally, or in one sense, I'm kind of surprised really).
Overall, I give this a 9/10 ^^ Story (9), Narrative (10), Grammar (9.5), length (7.5)
PS: I realize now who the person you were referring to in the opening intro was not Roku at all, haha.
I did feel weird writing blonde lol