copy ninja of konoha part 10

naruto kyuubi

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COPY NINJA OF KONOHA CHAPTER 10
Kakuzu stood on the cliff overlooking the struggle of his partner ukito his cold eyes remained expression less but there was turmoil in his heart.
Kakuzu: why after all these years that memory I loathe most is coming back to haunt me.
A voice startled him coming from behind.
Itachi: pain sends his regard and orders you to return immediately the extraction of 5 tails is about to begin.
Kakuzu: it’s no use Ukito is down there fighting against Naruto and Jiriaya I am defeated as well.
Itachi: lord pain is aware of this failure and orders you to retreat without him; he will deal with Jiriaya himself.
Kakuzu: so be it I will come. (I can’t get soft this world has no place for the weak)
Meanwhile ukito lay on the ground taking his last breath as Naruto lunged at him holding a rasengan in the hand but before the he could deliver the final blow a wall erupted between them the rasengan hit the wall broke the wall but could not go further Jiriaya has arrived in the scene.
Jiriaya: Naruto stop he is done stop.

Form a deep darkness Naruto heard a faint sound so faint he could not recognize it but the tone seemed familiar. He tried to listen carefully but could not as once again the relentless whispering of the kyuubi started.
Kyuubi: come on brat kill. Tear him in shreds destroy him for daring to stand against you for wounding you for all the pains for all his sins.
Meanwhile Jiriaya looked alarmed as Naruto did not respond rather he let out another terrible roar.
Jiriaya: damn Naruto cannot control kyuubi’s chakra its turning him feral. I will need to suppress him.
But I must be careful about not hurting him. It’s my job as the student of Sarutobi sensei and as the teacher of both Naruto and Minato. I can’t fail.
The kyuubi roared once more this time it lunged at Jiriaya with surprising speed but he caught the fist with ease. But as Naruto used his another claw Jiriaya jumped back and made horse, ram and snake seal in rapid succession.
Jiriaya: earth style: 9 pillar suppression altar.
9 pillars of rock erupted form ground surrounding Naruto as Jiriaya made the dragon seal
Jiriaya: sealing technique: chakra absorption.
Naruto roared as the cloak suddenly split in to 9 streams and connected with the rock pillars that started glowing in different colors, one was red with the kanji of fire in it, and one was deep blue with kanji of wind, one sea green with kanji of water, one deep shade of blue with hint of yellow with kanji of lightning, one with the kanji of earth, two just became black and white in color though the last one remained colorless. (The pillars symbolize the elements, yin yang and finally pure chakra). But Jiriaya was not done yet he covered his hand in green chakra of sage mode and touched Naruto’s temple.
Jiriaya: chakra suppression,
Suddenly the gloom seemed lighter Naruto could see pervy sage up close he felt tired and weak but strong enough to notice the red chakra gleaming around him,
Naruto: what the hell the fox was manipulating me again.
He clasped his hands and started gathering his own chakra the red glow started becoming quieter. Suddenly a loud growl came to his ears.
Kyuubi: you may win today brat but one day I will be free and then I will destroy everything you hold dear.
Naruto: sorry fox that day is never going to come believe it.
In the reality as the chakra cloak dissipated Naruto fell on Jiriaya’s waiting arms who took him to the nearest village.
Meanwhile ukito lay there bleeding just inches away from death as suddenly black threads bound him.
Ukito: Kakuzu what the **** are you doing.
Kakuzu: I liked you brat but your heart is too valuable to let go of, and anyway you would die very soon so a little sooner doesn’t hurt.
After few moments the bloody mess of Ukito’s body fell with a hole in the chest while Kakuzu moved away and teleported.



Meanwhile in konoha Kakashi is seen sitting in the meditating pose under the water fall his chakra creating a barrier around him the moon ray gleaming upon his strong and lean body. Everything is quiet but this quiet is unnerving as if a warning before the oncoming doom.
Kakashi was trying to mold his chakra in the sharingan eye the pain was overpowering him.

Kakashi: I can’t falter now.
But the sharingan encased the chakra and started swirling madly it was then he fainted.


Somewhere in a dark place a snake like twisted feature of a man is seen orochimaru.
Oro: kukuku its time to test my new plan against konoha
Next chapter: Return of the snake
chapter 9:
chapter 8:

part 7:
part 6:
chapter 5:
chapter 4:
chapter 3:
chapter 2:
chapter 1:
blood:gift of kiyoshi:
blood: gift of kiyoshi part 2:
please read and give review every review is important to me.
 

Train

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This chapter seemed kinda short compared to your others - but pretty good.
I liked how you made the Kyuubi urge Naruto on...that seemed so much like the Kyuubi.
That's so much like Kakazu to take Ukito's heart. Creepy. >.>'
"Return of the Snake" - can't wait to see that.
There were grammar mistakes here and there, but it was still understandable. Just work more on editing, next time. The actual story is good.​
 

Reborn

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Everything was well written for the most part. I liked the influence you showed the Kyuubi had on Naruto, and how it was urging him to kill in an attempt to release himself from Naruto...

I wasn't too fond of Kakuzu's emotion for Utiko. Kakuzu's character doesn't resemble that in the slightest IMO. I just didn't think it was well placed. If you had just had where he took Utiko's heart at the end like you did, without the first part where he showed concern or whatever for him.

Also on a side note, the whole Nagato resolving to handle Jiraiya himself, implies that Nagato would go in search of Jiraiya to take him on. When in actuality Jiraiya's conflict with Nagato was more or less an accident. Nagato didn't know he would be fighting against Jiraiya until Jiraiya actually came into Ame. That part where you said that pain would handle Jiraiya by himself doesn't seem like it would fit in with the main plot and how that went IMO.

Aside from those two parts, I liked everything, especially the Kyuubi influence, Kakuzu's taking of Utiko's heart, and Jiraiya's fuin, good job +rep
 

naruto kyuubi

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everything was well written for the most part. I liked the influence you showed the kyuubi had on naruto, and how it was urging him to kill in an attempt to release himself from naruto...

I wasn't too fond of kakuzu's emotion for utiko. Kakuzu's character doesn't resemble that in the slightest imo. I just didn't think it was well placed. If you had just had where he took utiko's heart at the end like you did, without the first part where he showed concern or whatever for him.

Also on a side note, the whole nagato resolving to handle jiraiya himself, implies that nagato would go in search of jiraiya to take him on. When in actuality jiraiya's conflict with nagato was more or less an accident. Nagato didn't know he would be fighting against jiraiya until jiraiya actually came into ame. That part where you said that pain would handle jiraiya by himself doesn't seem like it would fit in with the main plot and how that went imo.

Aside from those two parts, i liked everything, especially the kyuubi influence, kakuzu's taking of utiko's heart, and jiraiya's fuin, good job +rep
well at some parts i had to defer from the canon otherwise i was being to much chained in
 

Reborn

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well at some parts i had to defer from the canon otherwise i was being to much chained in
Guess you're right...just remember to keep it linked to an extent, it'll make it real. There really weren't any problems with anything else. I'm about to set up chap three of Blood, I edited it so it'll be alright now.
 
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