[Discussion] Can you force yourself to fall in love

[Fountain]

I'm a girl. having ''ko'' in a Japanese name means it's feminine.

Aha, alright then just curious. Cheers : )

 

[Sasukenumberonelover]

Well no you can't force yourself but love blossoms through time .. Love is when you know everything about them and all their faults but still love them .. So it's a matter of time .. BR00

 

[Machiko]

you are like sakura
he is like naruto

You're not the first one to tell me that. But I kind of agree, my only wish is for him to have a Hinata.

You shouldn't have played with the guy...

It wasn''t my intention to play with him.

With time you can love al ost anyone
But if you really have no interest on this boy dont play with his feelings afterward all with get just worser

I've already decided that I won't accept becoming his girlfriend again. We kind of broke up at least 3 times over.

I whole heartedly wish you the best of luck with this situation.

"A wound of a heart is different from a flesh wound. Unlike a flesh wound, there are no ointments to heal it, and there are times when they never heal" yashamaru

Thanks a lot! I loved that one quote and it's really helpful at times like these.

You never really know this kind of thing. Love works unpredictably. If the guy loves you he probably isn't going to take it lightly and give up, but if he did stop loving you when you fell in love with him, would you shrug it off because he didn't feel the same anymore? If so then it's probably not love.

If that would really be the case I wouldn't just shrug it off like that. Let's say I'd pursue him even to hell.

No girl don't worry, if you didn't like him in the first place you won't fall in love with him later.
You might miss the feeling of being hit on but that's nothing.

Btw that wasn't so cruel, trust me

Just next time remember that being nice sometimes leads to people getting even more hurt. Talking from experience here.

Perhaps this does explain it :O I have truly learnt my lesson, although I should've learnt it a long time ago.

I'm sorry all I meant was if you don't feel anything for him romantically now you probably never will.
If something changes later on in life and you are both still available then give it a shot. As of right now though I would say break it off with him before things get more serious.

I don't think that will be possible in our case. Time is not an option for us.

I don't know about your case that specifically, but I can share my thoughts on it if you will.

To me, personally, it's absurd how "love" nowadays seems to grow or shrink depending on what actions are performed by the counterpart, how it has become an object for our perverse comparisons, as assessed by our own frames/definitions for what we call "love" or not, and what amount there is of it from our side directed towards this other person(-s if you're to be exact about it, even 'it' sometimes).
It may also not depend much on actions performed by this love interest, but instead on mostly factual physical traits, or so I believe, making it kind of one-sided at times.

It can be instantaneous, much like 'love at first sight',
Or slow; meaning it has to grow on you, like a song does over time every now and then, resulting in a "love" composed of an accumulated amount of 'goods' and 'bads', worthy and not worthy of the response we refer to as love, or this interaction between the active parts, making it an odd mixture of kinds.
These are among the types of "love" people claim to be existent nowadays, that I've found out about.

So, what is it that you were trying to feel? Love? How does that feel? How does one infer about love?
I'm honestly clueless about this, so I'm trying to find out.

Actually, trying to force yourself to "love" someone, doesn't that suggest you pity him? What kind of love is there then??

I see and I agree. The kind of love I wanted to give him? How can you actually explain love. Love is something that comes out of nowhere, it's the feeling that you want to be with them no matter what, it's willing to sacrifice anything for them. It's the fact that you would want to spend the rest of your days with that one person.

I pity him? That may also be the case.

Well no you can't force yourself but love blossoms through time .. Love is when you know everything about them and all their faults but still love them .. So it's a matter of time .. BR00

I still love him, though not in the same way he wants me to love him.

 

[SonictheHedgehog]

You're not the first one to tell me that. But I kind of agree, my only wish is for him to have a Hinata.



It wasn''t my intention to play with him.



I've already decided that I won't accept becoming his girlfriend again. We kind of broke up at least 3 times over.



Thanks a lot! I loved that one quote and it's really helpful at times like these.



If that would really be the case I wouldn't just shrug it off like that. Let's say I'd pursue him even to hell.



Perhaps this does explain it :O I have truly learnt my lesson, although I should've learnt it a long time ago.



I don't think that will be possible in our case. Time is not an option for us.



I see and I agree. The kind of love I wanted to give him? How can you actually explain love. Love is something that comes out of nowhere, it's the feeling that you want to be with them no matter what, it's willing to sacrifice anything for them. It's the fact that you would want to spend the rest of your days with that one person.

I pity him? That may also be the case.



I still love him, though not in the same way he wants me to love him.

Then he may be thinking the same thing right now. You can't really assume that, but that's kind of how Family Matters went. He pursued the girl that didn't like him since he was a kid, and over time she began to like him. It took alot of the wrong guys and in the end she fell in love with him. Though I know relating this to a TV show is kind of strange considering the situation is different, but love can sometimes work that way. Like I said, love is unpredictable.

 

[Crow.]

Don't mention it. ^.^

I've had a bit of experience with love in my life. I've known false love, one-sides love and maybe even true love. Nothing compares to the feeling really, I'd get all gooey and romantic about it, but I haven't much time to post. But when you find love you know it, without any doubt. Like I said, there is no comparison.

 

[Machiko]

Then he may be thinking the same thing right now. You can't really assume that, but that's kind of how Family Matters went. He pursued the girl that didn't like him since he was a kid, and over time she began to like him. It took alot of the wrong guys and in the end she fell in love with him. Though I know relating this to a TV show is kind of strange considering the situation is different, but love can sometimes work that way. Like I said, love is unpredictable.

I understand cause I have also fallen in love with people like that, but like I said before; time is not on our side.

Don't mention it. ^.^

I've had a bit of experience with love in my life. I've known false love, one-sides love and maybe even true love. Nothing compares to the feeling really, I'd get all gooey and romantic about it, but I haven't much time to post. But when you find love you know it, without any doubt. Like I said, there is no comparison.

I know this. Anyway I also wish you good luck.

 

[UchihaBrat]

I see and I agree. The kind of love I wanted to give him? How can you actually explain love. Love is something that comes out of nowhere, it's the feeling that you want to be with them no matter what, it's willing to sacrifice anything for them. It's the fact that you would want to spend the rest of your days with that one person.

That's what I'm wondering, because it seems to me as if people abuse the word to make an excuse for every kind of contradictive behaviour, saying it's, no offence, 'a hard to explain thing', because they want to excuse what could be, on their part, just selfishness and not love at all. Even if they don't know it's only selfish actions and not love, it bothers me how the ambiguity of it all can cover even the 'tinniest' of selfishness.

Nonetheless, you're unsure about whether you love him or not, right?
Aren't you able to ascertain that now, with your explanation? You did make an attempt at explaining it after all, so?
For me, I can't tell still and I wonder if I ever will be..

 

[YowYan]

No, you cannot force yourself to love another :/

 

[Jin Hayami]

Tough question. You're really the only one that can answer that because you're the only one who feels what you feel. The fact that you get jealous when he's around other girls shows you probably have some feelings for him but that doesn't mean you're in love with him. Sometimes the better relationships don't start out that way either. I was head over heels for my ex wife like hard. Everytime shed walk into a room I was instantly happy. I started doing a whole lot of things just to make her happy. That went over like a fart in a skillet. My new girlfriend i can just be myself and i don't act like an idiot because I'm not all worked up and nervous for no reason. That doesn't mean i don't love my new girlfriend its just different.

 

[Shinobi Train]

It's easier than that. You love everyone you've known for more than a few weeks, it's just that some might be more special is all. It's rather easy for Storge or Phileo love to turn into Eros or Agape. Studying the types of love would bring some understanding as well. The human heart is filled with a lot of love, we just often don't recognize it as that.

Love is also fluid, it's always in motion. ^_^

 

[BazzBee]

Thats why i stay alone love sound stupid

 

[Anorien16]

Well the short answer is: No u cant force or manufacture love that is genuine . . . .

But whats up with U? U say u dont feel much about him but U apparently care a lot about him and also is a little possessive about him.... If he is one of the very few guys who treated u nicely (meaning most boys u have seen are in other words douches)? Then its kinda understandable...

 

[Lyke]

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[Sabuto Hayashi]

No, I don't think so. You'd always be at conflict with yourself

Whilst you might be able to do it, you'll constantly be lying to yourself as a result. Eventually it could get to a point where you'd regret the decision. Relationships break apart if one of you begins doubting it, and he might be more hurt finding out that you never really loved him from the start.

It's best to flat-out reject them, imo. If you don't love them, you don't love 'em. That's just how life is.
At least that gives him a chance to go and find someone else who will truly love him.

 

[key 2 victory is avarice]

Yes you can force yourself to love just as you can force yourself to feel pain. If you constantly keep thinking you love him your brain will send out neurotransmitters that will make your body feel that feeling of love, even though it is no true. Likewise with pain, if you think your finger hurts your brain will trigger neurotransmitters to be released that causes you to feel pain in your finger.

In your predicament you could not feel love towards him because your subconscious is trying to protect yourself due to a previous relationship with another person or because of a turbulent relationship you had with your father.

Or simply you are denying you did not love him because you were not ready to take that step.

 

[Steaktacular]

I don´t believe you can..

If you have any doubt about it do not follow through - you´ll regret it later. It´s tough for the other person, but it´s best to reject/be honest and face this person and talk about your true feelings.

 

[YourOwnInability]

Love is like Life.....
If you neglect it, you lose it. If you search for it, you miss out on it. If your try to control it or protect it, you often end up killing it...


From what I have been reading of the responses in here, I will not say that anyone is wrong but I will say that life is way too short for people who are still relatively young to be worried about something so philosophical in nature(((((woah did I just say that (imagine me telling someone to not be concerned with philosophy...lol)))))

Your are a good person otherwise you wouldnt be this concerned about it.....but as I stated earlier, life is to short so just sit back and enjoy the ride...people come and go it is what we do best...live and die

 

[Micho22]

Hmmm what to say hmm everyones live move on let the time pass and find someone you really love innerly
Im sure that boy will find another girl aswell
Sometimes to find another love is the best way to forget someone but be carefull im sure you will choose the best for youselv

 

[Scooby Doo]

It wasn''t my intention to play with him.

Oh of course it's never your intention...It's your instinct.

 

[nanacha]

i had the same problem with a guy, suddenly he proposed to me so i didn't know what to do ? i told him that i need some time to think about it since we are not dating or anything and i 'am not in love with him yet ,but deep inside i know that he's a good person and that he respect and cherish me truly ,so yeah i'm willing to give him a chance ,i beleave what a women really needs (more than love) is the care ; to be respected and to feel secure ,
i just felt to share my thoughts with u and i hope that someday u will find your true love .