[Discussion] Can you force yourself to fall in love

[Kuramatheninetails]

Just out of curiosity, have you seen Family Matters before? (This will end up relating to the thread, I swear)

hahaha poor ole urkel!

 

[SonictheHedgehog]

hahaha poor ole urkel!

Yeah that's why I'm going to use his story as an example. XD
It makes sense if you've seen the finale of Family Matters too.

 

[Isabella95]

No you cannot so you better pull him out of his misery (don't kill him )

 

[The Fourth]

Something I forgot to add, i also believe that true love isn't selfish, so even if that person left you or whatever, you'd still be able to love them from a distance? I dunno, it rolls of the tongue really easily but in practice this would be really hard. I guess true love to me is also true detachment if the situation ever arose where it was necessary.

 

[Machiko]

That's reality, poor guy, I think you need to let him down gently and make sure there is no doubt on what you think of him.

OT no, I don't think you can, you'd just be lying to him and yourself.

I already broke up with him in the most horrible way possible...

No, you can force yourself to believe you love someone, which must make you a pretty nice person to want to spare someones feelings that much. However, love can grow over time if you spend time with a person.

I see, so all there is to it is time? But what if I already know I will neve rgrow to love him in that way?

No. No. No. No. No. Love is something you cant shake and when it breaks, all it takes is some laughter...
And you will see that the boy with you will not laugh for a time...

I see

No, no you cannot. ^_^

I kind of agree

For a girl I assume she'll fall inlove with a dudes money or di**. Just tell dude you have no feelings for him.

Not all girls are like that :|

So... Machika, I mean “Machiko”, You're a girl right?

I'm a girl. having ''ko'' in a Japanese name means it's feminine.

the answer, is yes and no. Back in the days of arranged marriages, many times they didnt like each other at first. but then as time grew on, if the 2 people were commited to each other, and respected, andtried to make it work, they became deeply bonded, and madly in love.

So what this means with you and that guy. If you spent enough time working on it, you could eventually fall in love with him for real.

So basically, given enough time and effort, it is possible for you to "force" yourself to fall in love.

Either way, you seem like a great person, and very kind, so i wish you the best of luck.

Yeah but especially those people tended to be the most unfaithful.

I've tried my very hardest but I can't. And thank you, but I really should stop being this nice. It will only lead up to me hurting the other person's feelings.

Damn, that's the thing about Love. It's so complex and sometimes confusing, you don't know where your going. U_U

Although, I agree with 'Youth and Full power',

Indeed

That's why it's in the General Discussion section, buddy. ^^

OT: Nope. Sometimes I wish we could, because there's alot of good people out there and yet we tend to fall in love or "in lust" with the wrong ones.

It's happened a lot of times.

I agree with the above that love can grow over time if you spend enough time with a person. But (and this is only my own opinion) pretending or forcing myself to love someone just to make them happy seems like something that is doomed from the beginning. It would eat away at me knowing that I was lying to that person, even if it was to make them happy. In the long run I think it's much better to let them down and be truthful to them and yourself then to live a lie. Just my $0.02. I think you did the right thing by breaking up with him, additionally, to the human mind, which is an incredibly fickle thing, something which you once had which you now don't, will always look more attractive. In conclusion, no, i don't think you can force yourself to fall in love. I think the mind is such that if you continually try and force it to do something it acts like a compressed spring and pushes back, the harder you force, the harder it opposes.

But even now when I don't have him I still feel nothing for him. So in conclusion you can actually say that I did well in breaking up with him.

 

[Crow.]

I wonder who this is about. >.>
You already know how I feel about this subject.
So I'll leave it at that. I just hope he doesn't see this thread.

 

[Isabella95]

How did you break up with him?

 

[SonictheHedgehog]

I already broke up with him in the most horrible way possible...



I see, so all there is to it is time? But what if I already know I will neve rgrow to love him in that way?



I see



I kind of agree



Not all girls are like that :|



I'm a girl. having ''ko'' in a Japanese name means it's feminine.



Yeah but especially those people tended to be the most unfaithful.

I've tried my very hardest but I can't. And thank you, but I really should stop being this nice. It will only lead up to me hurting the other person's feelings.



Indeed



It's happened a lot of times.



But even now when I don't have him I still feel nothing for him. So in conclusion you can actually say that I did well in breaking up with him.

Only sometimes can time make you love someone. If you don't develop feelings for them, then that's that. I'm just saying you never know what you'll be feeling later.

 

[Kuramatheninetails]

Something I forgot to add, i also believe that true love isn't selfish, so even if that person left you or whatever, you'd still be able to love them from a distance? I dunno, it rolls of the tongue really easily but in practice this would be really hard. I guess true love to me is also true detachment if the situation ever arose where it was necessary.

you know I really thought I loved this girl years ago, she said that she felt nothing for me romantically and that bummed me out but I was fine with it as long as I could still be around her. The entire time we remained friends I tried to tell myself i had no feelings for her but then she got with someone and it absolutely killed me, after the fact I realized that I honestly just wanted her to be happy and told her that if there was ever anything she needed i would be there for her and I meant it, nothing sexual just an honest desire for her happiness . I still think about her all the time and I would still give anything to be with her. your post just made me think and brought this to my attention. Maybe I have experienced true love before, I had honestly believed I had never experienced it myself. Sorry I think I just had an Epiphany.

 

[November]

you are like sakura
he is like naruto

 

[The Fourth]

you know I really thought I loved this girl years ago, she said that she felt nothing for me romantically and that bummed me out but I was fine with it as long as I could still be around her. The entire time we remained friends I tried to tell myself i had no feelings for her but then she got with someone and it absolutely killed me, after the fact I realized that I honestly just wanted her to be happy and told her that if there was ever anything she needed i would be there for her and I meant it, nothing sexual just an honest desire for her happiness . I still think about her all the time and I would still give anything to be with her. your post just made me think and brought this to my attention. Maybe I have experienced true love before, I had honestly believed I had never experienced it myself. Sorry I think I just had an Epiphany.

You're a very selfless person

 

[Scooby Doo]

You shouldn't have played with the guy...

 

[Machiko]

Just out of curiosity, have you seen Family Matters before? (This will end up relating to the thread, I swear)

no I haven't

I honestly believe that you can force yourself to love someone to an extent. You can obviously love being around someone enjoying their company etc. but if you don't feel anything romantically then you probably never will, but thats not to say you won't ever because life changes people,we humans fall in love for a lot of different reasons. If you end up making the decision to try to love him and continue the charade while not feeling it then there will eventually be feelings of regret and dis contempt for that person. I think that more times than none love is something special something you feel romantically and mentally without having to force it. I am a hopeless romantic and want to believe in love, I think it is something you almost know right away. If its not love at first sight then there is still some feeling there that you can tell could grow. I hope this helped some.

You just contradicted yourself and now I'm more confused XD

Something I forgot to add, i also believe that true love isn't selfish, so even if that person left you or whatever, you'd still be able to love them from a distance? I dunno, it rolls of the tongue really easily but in practice this would be really hard. I guess true love to me is also true detachment if the situation ever arose where it was necessary.

I see

I wonder who this is about. >.>
You already know how I feel about this subject.
So I'll leave it at that. I just hope he doesn't see this thread.

I wouldn't mind it if he sees this thread. And yeah, I'm still thankful for your advice

How did you break up with him?

I'd told somebody else that I didn't love him back and he found out through her so yeah, drama ensued.

Only sometimes can time make you love someone. If you don't develop feelings for them, then that's that. I'm just saying you never know what you'll be feeling later.

And this is exactly what I want to know. Can it be possible that I'll grow to love him later when he has already decided that he doesn't love me anymore?

 

[Micho22]

With time you can love al ost anyone
But if you really have no interest on this boy dont play with his feelings afterward all with get just worser

 

[Kuramatheninetails]

I whole heartedly wish you the best of luck with this situation.

"A wound of a heart is different from a flesh wound. Unlike a flesh wound, there are no ointments to heal it, and there are times when they never heal" yashamaru

 

[SonictheHedgehog]

no I haven't



You just contradicted yourself and now I'm more confused XD



I see



I wouldn't mind it if he sees this thread. And yeah, I'm still thankful for your advice



I'd told somebody else that I didn't love him back and he found out through her so yeah, drama ensued.



And this is exactly what I want to know. Can it be possible that I'll grow to love him later when he has already decided that he doesn't love me anymore?

You never really know this kind of thing. Love works unpredictably. If the guy loves you he probably isn't going to take it lightly and give up, but if he did stop loving you when you fell in love with him, would you shrug it off because he didn't feel the same anymore? If so then it's probably not love.

 

[Isabella95]

No girl don't worry, if you didn't like him in the first place you won't fall in love with him later.
You might miss the feeling of being hit on but that's nothing.

Btw that wasn't so cruel, trust me

Just next time remember that being nice sometimes leads to people getting even more hurt. Talking from experience here.

 

[Kuramatheninetails]

I'm sorry all I meant was if you don't feel anything for him romantically now you probably never will.
If something changes later on in life and you are both still available then give it a shot. As of right now though I would say break it off with him before things get more serious.

 

[UchihaBrat]

I don't know about your case that specifically, but I can share my thoughts on it if you will.

To me, personally, it's absurd how "love" nowadays seems to grow or shrink depending on what actions are performed by the counterpart, how it has become an object for our perverse comparisons, as assessed by our own frames/definitions for what we call "love" or not, and what amount there is of it from our side directed towards this other person(-s if you're to be exact about it, even 'it' sometimes).
It may also not depend much on actions performed by this love interest, but instead on mostly factual physical traits, or so I believe, making it kind of one-sided at times.

It can be instantaneous, much like 'love at first sight',
Or slow; meaning it has to grow on you, like a song does over time every now and then, resulting in a "love" composed of an accumulated amount of 'goods' and 'bads', worthy and not worthy of the response we refer to as love, or this interaction between the active parts, making it an odd mixture of kinds.
These are among the types of "love" people claim to be existent nowadays, that I've found out about.

So, what is it that you were trying to feel? Love? How does that feel? How does one infer about love?
I'm honestly clueless about this, so I'm trying to find out.

Actually, trying to force yourself to "love" someone, doesn't that suggest you pity him? What kind of love is there then??

 

[Kuramatheninetails]

You never really know this kind of thing. Love works unpredictably. If the guy loves you he probably isn't going to take it lightly and give up, but if he did stop loving you when you fell in love with him, would you shrug it off because he didn't feel the same anymore? If so then it's probably not love.

i wish there was a like button lol