Broken

0neCrazyAngel

Active member
Regular
Joined
Jul 16, 2012
Messages
679
Kin
0💸
Kumi
0💴
Trait Points
0⚔️
Awards
You must be registered for see images


What if I have forgotten?

I have two unbearable sides.
Let me have my revenge.
I’ll taste my innocence
In the guilt I consume.

I’m sick.

I do not belong here anymore.

These years are fading.
I am enslaved
In my conscience.
I am a prisoner
To these scattered bones.

My spine leads to my mendacity.

I’m bent over, sheltered
By the woes of past remorse
I’d cut off every single inch
Of my pathetic being
To be whole again.

Just to be whole.

Shivering, trembling, I am nothing.
Eyes devour me
Eyes consume each pathetic inch
Of me.

Stare.

I am sane.
But insanity lives within.

My flesh is closed to a touch
Shrinking back in petulance
I am half a whole.
I am half a truth.
I am half a person.

Tell me where I can breathe.

I cannot fathom these words.
I am
A wreck of a heart break
I’m torn.

Who am I now?

Embrace this.
Embrace the chance to feel this.

I crawl through cold comfort.
Dissolution
Walking into splintered sunlight
Pierce me. Hurt me.
Tear me apart.

Stay with me.

What is missing from
My breath
Is irretrievable.
I cannot recollect.

Help me remember.

I’m unattached
To my misery.
My precious screams. Our despair
Haunts me inside sleeping sunlight.

Rusted keys will open
My nonchalant locked lips.
My skin is breathing for a touch.
Is beauty too much to ask for?

Our words are limitless
But our lives are boundaries.
 

iCuRiddY

Member
Joined
Oct 17, 2011
Messages
168
Kin
0💸
Kumi
0💴
Trait Points
0⚔️
Great articulation, it flows perfectly from line to line. Amazing use of vocabulary, you are an amazing writer.

Keep on writing, I believe you have great insight. This poem is believable and it speaks from the heart which is what makes it great.

Really well written, bravo.
 

NaruGoku

Active member
Regular
Joined
Mar 24, 2011
Messages
991
Kin
0💸
Kumi
0💴
Trait Points
0⚔️
lol, this is much more "you" than the one u sent me that you never posted. I'll get back to you on both later k? im actually at work right now but i wanted to check on NB real quick to see if anything interesting was happening. i saw the thread title and thought it might be you! lol.
 

Tsuki

Active member
Supreme
Joined
Apr 27, 2012
Messages
38,437
Kin
1,231💸
Kumi
30,393💴
Trait Points
0⚔️
Awards
Wow o.o tbh I think it's one of the best poems you've made so far.
Making each link shorter sounds good aswell ;) and the content is well written It's like... the reader is the 'narrator'.
Great poem ('dark' poems are good you know)! ^^
 

Skylar Knight

Active member
Veteran
Joined
Jul 16, 2012
Messages
3,913
Kin
0💸
Kumi
0💴
Trait Points
0⚔️
It's really dark, and that's something I like :)
...and it seems you like to write poems as dark as this, cause this is your best poem yet in my opinion ^^
You also write really good, and making short lines was a good idea..!

Keep it up Mia :D You really have talent :)
 

Shinobi Train

Active member
Elite
Joined
Jun 5, 2012
Messages
6,011
Kin
0💸
Kumi
0💴
Trait Points
0⚔️
Awards
...I have nothing to critique...

No misspelled words even. It would take a better writer than myself, one more skilled with poetry, to critique this.

Good job, dark, but good. I'm not a huge fan of dark, but it certainly has its place. ;) Been a little while since I thanked a post. :p I'm also presenting this special gif.

You must be registered for see images
 
Top