Thanks guys, all of this helped.
Glad to be of service.
She swears nothing happened, I took her virginity and she shows displeasure in other guys.
Sounds like what I'd want to hear.
Like we were on a break and she said every guy she "made out" with weren't good kissers.
Well, I suppose the probability of that being true is inversely proportional to the number of guys in question. Still... she came back to you for something.
I decided to trust her because she's really the only bright thing in my life besides my good friends. I wouldn't want to mess anything up over my trust issues and my lack of knowing.
Here's my concern with this... there's the saying "Nice guys finish last." While I do not live by such a mantra, I am aware of the validity of the statement. Kindness gets used and abused in this world. I've seen more than one guy with a girl who hangs around him because he's supportive and provides a structured/stable environment... but then the girl runs off and chases whatever makes her loins tingle when she thinks he isn't looking.
There again - you sound like you have some things to work as an individual, as well. There need to be more bright things in your life than just her. By all means - let 'her' (or whomever sits in the place of your significant other) be the brightest, but there needs to be a groundwork and individual sense of accomplishment.
That is a large factor in what caused my relationship to go sour - I was not happy with my life as an individual; I was not secure as a single person - the security I had came from the hope of a future with her.
Whether she realizes it or not, she picks up on that and reacts to it. She can pick up on your personal insecurity and find herself drawn towards people with more personal security.
She cried last night cause I wouldn't believe her.
The past is the past and it cannot be changed. In many cases, it cannot be known. What is important is what is to be done about the future.
It sounds like both of you have some considerable development to do (she is probably needing to find individual security as well). That makes things challenging, being in a relationship. Change tends to be very upsetting to relationships - people get into relationships for increased stability (of some variety or another). But the reality is that both of you are going to have to develop into stronger individuals who want to tackle life together (or... stronger individuals who decide to tackle life with another person - but stronger individuals regardless).
That's the challenge. You both must accept the challenge for what it is before you can begin, let alone complete it.
I would recommend asking her if there is anything she would like to see you do/accomplish (as a person) - and so long as it is something you find agreeable, offer to help her help you accomplish it. Be practical (something that can be done within a week or two - maybe just something as simple as rearranging a room), and economical (don't break the bank with this). Offer to help her with the same (so long as she seems receptive) - let her know what you've always wanted to see her do or accomplish for herself, and help her in what ways you can (it may just be that the nature of each thing is simply to be emotional support).
A relationship is a partnership - an agreement to support and help each other in life. It's not merely a romance - it's a functional and mutually beneficial arrangement. Neither stands ahead or in shelter of the other; you are at each others' sides. Through all the storms of society, against all the chaos of money, you two stand as the shield and sword of a will; the mattress and comforter of a dream for the future - your combined future comprised of a heritage extending back millions of years.
If you two accept both the challenge and each other, then you both cast aside the past like the husk it is and start building your future from the present before you.
I should really start up an internet talk show or something...
