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Chapter 6- Fitting In
Bishamon stood on a sidewalk in Chicago, looking at Akira, who was in a fetal position, shaking, and staring straight into space.
Bishamon: Hmmmmmm....
Bishamon kicks Akira in the gut.
Bishamon: Anybody home? O_O
Bishamon dumps a bucket of boiling water on Akira.
Bishamon: O_O
Nothing happens.
Bishamon: Damnit, that usually works when Akira's in drug-induced halucinatory seizures.... Akira, if you can hear me, I'm going to take you back to camp. Retsu will know what to do.
Bishamon picked Akira up, slung him over his shoulder, and jogged back to the van caravan.
As Bishamon approached the caravan, the crowds of shinigami waiting around them, who'd simply been watching the battle from afar, stood up at attention in excitement and nervousness. When they saw Akira slung over Bishamon's shoulder, however, they feared the worst.
Zaraki: Holy ass, Bishamon-sempai!
What happened to Akira?!?
Bishamon: -.- Don't curse, Zaraki. You're no good at it.
Zaraki: Yea... >_>... I know....
Bishamon: Akira suffered an injury to the soul. And not just to his raitsu, but to the very fiber of his being. We must bring him to Retsu. I'm sure she can fix this.
Zaraki: Hold on a moment! Who were you fighting, anyway??
Bishamon: Two arrancar who at least claimed to be the 7th and 8th Espadas.
Zaraki: And both of them together were able to hold both of you off and injure Akira like this?!
Bishamon: Not... exactly O_O
Zaraki: What's that supposed to mean?
Bishamon: They were fighting Akira, 2v1.
Zaraki: Why didn't you help him?
Bishamon: Well, I was digesting.
Zaraki: Oh, ok. That's reasonable.
Bishamon: Right, then. Let's get going: we've got to get Akira to Retsu as soon as possible. Also, I think Akira's starting to unconciously relieve himself in his pants.
Zaraki:
Bishamon: Here, you take him.
Bishamon threw Akira into Zaraki's arms. Zaraki accidentally dropped Akira onto the ground, with a loud thump and crack.
Bishamon: O__O Your fault. Let's get going!
They all piled into the trucks, Akira seated in the middle seat between two very freaked-out shinigami, and headed off back to camp.
MEANWHILE, in the Nevada Desert! Goro is giving Zanji a tour of the camp, introducing him to everyone.
Goro: And those over there are the outhouses. I call the big outhouse "old reliable"
Zanji: That's great. *thinking*: Why does this guy smell like cat hair and old lady house?
TOBI!: Pft, that's boring, Goro. Let's show him something interesting like.... like the Raitsu Gattling Guns, or the frozen yogurt machine!
Goro: Mmmmm, frozen yogurt.... Yes! To the frozen yogurt machine shall we hence!
Zanji: I'm lactose intolerant. O_O
TOBI!: I hate you... you ruin EVERYTHING.
Goro: Easy there, TOBI!. Ease up on the hate.
TOBI!: Well, you guys got all freaked out when I tried to show him my love, so what am I supposed to do?
Goro: TOBI!, you need a psychologist.
TOBI!: Yea... I do.
Goro: Mhm..... hey, weird Zanji go??
While Goro and TOBI! were busy arguing, Zanji ditched them. He made his way over to the Mess Hall, where he hoped to get some food. He took a tray, and took a place at the back of the line. In front of him, old man Yammamoto was arguing with the Lunch Lady.... er, Lunch Man.
Roku: I already told you, we don't have any creamed corn!! We never have, and we never will!!
Yammamoto: Hrmm... What about some chair leg? Do you have any of that??
Roku: WHAT??!? Is that even a THING?!? What IS that?!?
Yammamoto: Pft, you know what they say: 'when in Rome'.
Yammamoto walked away.
Roku: What?!? That's a COMPLETE misuse of that expression!! Demented old geezer.... Oh, hey, Zanji.
Zanji: Hello
Roku: Why do you look like you just found out your mother's secretly a shemale stripper? o_o
Zanji: No reason. O_O
Roku: Well, what do you want for lunch?
Zanji: Umm, anything would be fine. I don't suppose I've eaten in 100 years or so.
Roku: How about some corn bread?
Zanji: I can't eat gluten
Roku: I see... what about some spicy peanut chicken?
Zanji: I can't eat nuts
Roku: Right... what about some refried beans?
Zanji: Beans give me gas
Roku: The special today is lobster bisque. What about that?
Zanji: Shellfish isn't kosher
Roku: ....Want some frozen yogurt?
Zanji: *sigh* I'm lactose intolerant
Roku: Can you eat ANYTHING??
Zanji: Do you have any field grass? Or roots?
Roku: O_O Why don't you go eat a bush outside or something.
Zanji: Mmmm, sounds perfect!
And so, Zanji went outside and ate a bush.
MEANWHILE, in Manhattan, the body of the 4th Espada stood up and walked over to its head. It took out a black needle and thread, and proceeded to sew the head back onto its stump of a neck. The 4th Espada's fraccion pushed her way out of the rubble she was trapped under, and coughed out some dust.
Carthas: Ahhh, that's better. Those fools. They thought they could destroy me by simply cutting my head off? Do they not realize that you cannot destroy my mind by destroying my body?
?????: *cough cough* Shuddup! *cough cough* What're you saying that for?! Do you need to satisfy your massive ego or something! *cough*
Carthas: Sigh. Wem, sometimes I wonder why someone hasn't killed you yet. Anyway, let's get back to the Royal Throne Room. King Aizen will want to hear of our information on the shinigamis' shikais.
Carthas opened up a Garganta, and he and his fraccion, Wem, stepped through.
END OF CHAPTER 6
Bishamon stood on a sidewalk in Chicago, looking at Akira, who was in a fetal position, shaking, and staring straight into space.
Bishamon: Hmmmmmm....
Bishamon kicks Akira in the gut.
Bishamon: Anybody home? O_O
Bishamon dumps a bucket of boiling water on Akira.
Bishamon: O_O
Nothing happens.
Bishamon: Damnit, that usually works when Akira's in drug-induced halucinatory seizures.... Akira, if you can hear me, I'm going to take you back to camp. Retsu will know what to do.
Bishamon picked Akira up, slung him over his shoulder, and jogged back to the van caravan.
As Bishamon approached the caravan, the crowds of shinigami waiting around them, who'd simply been watching the battle from afar, stood up at attention in excitement and nervousness. When they saw Akira slung over Bishamon's shoulder, however, they feared the worst.
Zaraki: Holy ass, Bishamon-sempai!
What happened to Akira?!?Bishamon: -.- Don't curse, Zaraki. You're no good at it.
Zaraki: Yea... >_>... I know....
Bishamon: Akira suffered an injury to the soul. And not just to his raitsu, but to the very fiber of his being. We must bring him to Retsu. I'm sure she can fix this.
Zaraki: Hold on a moment! Who were you fighting, anyway??
Bishamon: Two arrancar who at least claimed to be the 7th and 8th Espadas.
Zaraki: And both of them together were able to hold both of you off and injure Akira like this?!
Bishamon: Not... exactly O_O
Zaraki: What's that supposed to mean?
Bishamon: They were fighting Akira, 2v1.
Zaraki: Why didn't you help him?
Bishamon: Well, I was digesting.
Zaraki: Oh, ok. That's reasonable.
Bishamon: Right, then. Let's get going: we've got to get Akira to Retsu as soon as possible. Also, I think Akira's starting to unconciously relieve himself in his pants.
Zaraki:
Bishamon: Here, you take him.
Bishamon threw Akira into Zaraki's arms. Zaraki accidentally dropped Akira onto the ground, with a loud thump and crack.
Bishamon: O__O Your fault. Let's get going!
They all piled into the trucks, Akira seated in the middle seat between two very freaked-out shinigami, and headed off back to camp.
MEANWHILE, in the Nevada Desert! Goro is giving Zanji a tour of the camp, introducing him to everyone.
Goro: And those over there are the outhouses. I call the big outhouse "old reliable"
Zanji: That's great.
*thinking*: Why does this guy smell like cat hair and old lady house?TOBI!: Pft, that's boring, Goro. Let's show him something interesting like.... like the Raitsu Gattling Guns, or the frozen yogurt machine!
Goro: Mmmmm, frozen yogurt.... Yes! To the frozen yogurt machine shall we hence!
Zanji: I'm lactose intolerant. O_O
TOBI!: I hate you... you ruin EVERYTHING.
Goro: Easy there, TOBI!. Ease up on the hate.
TOBI!: Well, you guys got all freaked out when I tried to show him my love, so what am I supposed to do?
Goro: TOBI!, you need a psychologist.
TOBI!: Yea... I do.
Goro: Mhm..... hey, weird Zanji go??
While Goro and TOBI! were busy arguing, Zanji ditched them. He made his way over to the Mess Hall, where he hoped to get some food. He took a tray, and took a place at the back of the line. In front of him, old man Yammamoto was arguing with the Lunch Lady.... er, Lunch Man.
Roku: I already told you, we don't have any creamed corn!! We never have, and we never will!!
Yammamoto: Hrmm... What about some chair leg? Do you have any of that??
Roku: WHAT??!? Is that even a THING?!? What IS that?!?
Yammamoto: Pft, you know what they say: 'when in Rome'.
Yammamoto walked away.
Roku: What?!? That's a COMPLETE misuse of that expression!! Demented old geezer.... Oh, hey, Zanji.
Zanji: Hello
Roku: Why do you look like you just found out your mother's secretly a shemale stripper? o_o
Zanji: No reason. O_O
Roku: Well, what do you want for lunch?
Zanji: Umm, anything would be fine. I don't suppose I've eaten in 100 years or so.
Roku: How about some corn bread?
Zanji: I can't eat gluten
Roku: I see... what about some spicy peanut chicken?
Zanji: I can't eat nuts
Roku: Right... what about some refried beans?
Zanji: Beans give me gas
Roku: The special today is lobster bisque. What about that?
Zanji: Shellfish isn't kosher
Roku: ....Want some frozen yogurt?
Zanji: *sigh* I'm lactose intolerant
Roku: Can you eat ANYTHING??
Zanji: Do you have any field grass? Or roots?
Roku: O_O Why don't you go eat a bush outside or something.
Zanji: Mmmm, sounds perfect!
And so, Zanji went outside and ate a bush.
MEANWHILE, in Manhattan, the body of the 4th Espada stood up and walked over to its head. It took out a black needle and thread, and proceeded to sew the head back onto its stump of a neck. The 4th Espada's fraccion pushed her way out of the rubble she was trapped under, and coughed out some dust.
Carthas: Ahhh, that's better. Those fools. They thought they could destroy me by simply cutting my head off? Do they not realize that you cannot destroy my mind by destroying my body?
?????: *cough cough* Shuddup! *cough cough* What're you saying that for?! Do you need to satisfy your massive ego or something! *cough*
Carthas: Sigh. Wem, sometimes I wonder why someone hasn't killed you yet. Anyway, let's get back to the Royal Throne Room. King Aizen will want to hear of our information on the shinigamis' shikais.
Carthas opened up a Garganta, and he and his fraccion, Wem, stepped through.
END OF CHAPTER 6
