Fire Lord Azula
Banned
When Zuko found Ursa with the help of Aang and Appa, she was near dead and half-starved. Zuko brought her back to the fire nation where he attempted to nurse her back to health.
On her deathbed, she insisted upon seeing Azula. Reluctantly, Zuko brought Azula from the prison where her spirit had been nearly broken and she had become merely a shadow of her old self. A sad, angry hollow shell.
When Ursa saw the empty look in her daughters eyes, she began to cry with what little strength she had. She pulled Azula toward her to sit by her on the bed. "Your fire is going out, my love." She said through her tears. "You used to light up the palace with your passion."
Azula looked up hollowly, but with interest. "You thought I was a monster."
Ursa's eyes filled with tears, "No, I thought you were confused and I was worried I had lost you. There was a time long ago when the real, loving Azula stole my heart. There was a time when you used your passion and fire for good, rather than for hate and anger. I didn't want to lose that Azula. I've always loved you, my daughter. But I'm afraid I'm losing you again."
Azula could feel her throat growing tight and she looked away. "I've done so many terrible things mother. I'm afraid you've lost me forever," she choked, looking down at the floor.
Ursa reached up and cupped Azula's chin in her hand, turning her face towards her. "No, my love. I can still see you behind those gorgeous, angry eyes of yours. The Azula I know and have always loved is still in there behind the hurt and anger. I miss her so much and I will always, always love you despite the things that you have done. I just hope and pray the Azula that I know is in there comes back to me before it's time for me to go."
Azula raised her eyes to the ceiling and sniffed, angry at herself for showing this sign of weakness. Why did it look so beautiful when her mother cried, and yet when she herself cried she felt humiliated and weak? "I've been angry for so long, mother. I'm so tired of being angry. I don't remember not being angry. I don't even remember WHY I'm angry. I'm just… tired."
Ursa gently took her daughters hand in her own on the bed and held it as firmly as her withering strength would allow. "I know. I blame myself, partly. I don't think I did very good job of showing you each and every day how much I unconditionally love and care for you. I hope that you can forgive me, and know that my love for you and Zuko has always been equal in quantity, only different in quality. I never wanted to bring harm to you in any way. Please forgive me."
Azula looked deeply into her mother's amber eyes. This felt so backwards. How could her mother be asking her forgiveness? After everything she had done and said, shouldn't it be the other way around? And yet, she couldn't help but feel like she had been waiting for this — no — needing this reassurance that she was worth something and that there was at least one person whom she didn't have to prove anything to or frighten to death in order to gain their love or respect. She could feel the lump in her throat grow tighter, and she was getting a stress headache at the base of her neck from refraining from breaking down into tears.
"So I'm not a monster?" Was all she could say before her voice caught and the lump in her throat grew so large that she couldn't keep the tears in any longer. It had been so long since she had let herself feel anything other than anger and hatred.
"No, my love," said Ursa as she pulled her sobbing daughter to her and held her close, slightly rocking her back and forth as she would a small child. "Never," she whispered. She could feel herself growing weaker by the minute, but her arms remained wrapped around her youngest child's shaking body. She knew her time was up. With tears streaming down her own cheeks, she pulled Azula away from her slightly and wiped her cheek with her finger. "Promise me the real Azula will come back to life again," She whispered as her hands fell away from her daughter. "Promise me," she said again, as she fell lightly back onto her pillows, holding onto life by the thread of an unanswered request.
Azula sensed her mother's approaching death. Her voice caught with renewed sobs. "I promise," she managed. "I promise. I promise. I promise" She repeated these words as her mother's eyes closed peacefully and she gently passed into her eternal sleep. "I forgive you. I promise. I promise. I forgive you," Azula repeated these words over and over as she lay, shaking over her mother's body. "I love you," Azula whispered finally as she cried herself dry.
On her deathbed, she insisted upon seeing Azula. Reluctantly, Zuko brought Azula from the prison where her spirit had been nearly broken and she had become merely a shadow of her old self. A sad, angry hollow shell.
When Ursa saw the empty look in her daughters eyes, she began to cry with what little strength she had. She pulled Azula toward her to sit by her on the bed. "Your fire is going out, my love." She said through her tears. "You used to light up the palace with your passion."
Azula looked up hollowly, but with interest. "You thought I was a monster."
Ursa's eyes filled with tears, "No, I thought you were confused and I was worried I had lost you. There was a time long ago when the real, loving Azula stole my heart. There was a time when you used your passion and fire for good, rather than for hate and anger. I didn't want to lose that Azula. I've always loved you, my daughter. But I'm afraid I'm losing you again."
Azula could feel her throat growing tight and she looked away. "I've done so many terrible things mother. I'm afraid you've lost me forever," she choked, looking down at the floor.
Ursa reached up and cupped Azula's chin in her hand, turning her face towards her. "No, my love. I can still see you behind those gorgeous, angry eyes of yours. The Azula I know and have always loved is still in there behind the hurt and anger. I miss her so much and I will always, always love you despite the things that you have done. I just hope and pray the Azula that I know is in there comes back to me before it's time for me to go."
Azula raised her eyes to the ceiling and sniffed, angry at herself for showing this sign of weakness. Why did it look so beautiful when her mother cried, and yet when she herself cried she felt humiliated and weak? "I've been angry for so long, mother. I'm so tired of being angry. I don't remember not being angry. I don't even remember WHY I'm angry. I'm just… tired."
Ursa gently took her daughters hand in her own on the bed and held it as firmly as her withering strength would allow. "I know. I blame myself, partly. I don't think I did very good job of showing you each and every day how much I unconditionally love and care for you. I hope that you can forgive me, and know that my love for you and Zuko has always been equal in quantity, only different in quality. I never wanted to bring harm to you in any way. Please forgive me."
Azula looked deeply into her mother's amber eyes. This felt so backwards. How could her mother be asking her forgiveness? After everything she had done and said, shouldn't it be the other way around? And yet, she couldn't help but feel like she had been waiting for this — no — needing this reassurance that she was worth something and that there was at least one person whom she didn't have to prove anything to or frighten to death in order to gain their love or respect. She could feel the lump in her throat grow tighter, and she was getting a stress headache at the base of her neck from refraining from breaking down into tears.
"So I'm not a monster?" Was all she could say before her voice caught and the lump in her throat grew so large that she couldn't keep the tears in any longer. It had been so long since she had let herself feel anything other than anger and hatred.
"No, my love," said Ursa as she pulled her sobbing daughter to her and held her close, slightly rocking her back and forth as she would a small child. "Never," she whispered. She could feel herself growing weaker by the minute, but her arms remained wrapped around her youngest child's shaking body. She knew her time was up. With tears streaming down her own cheeks, she pulled Azula away from her slightly and wiped her cheek with her finger. "Promise me the real Azula will come back to life again," She whispered as her hands fell away from her daughter. "Promise me," she said again, as she fell lightly back onto her pillows, holding onto life by the thread of an unanswered request.
Azula sensed her mother's approaching death. Her voice caught with renewed sobs. "I promise," she managed. "I promise. I promise. I promise" She repeated these words as her mother's eyes closed peacefully and she gently passed into her eternal sleep. "I forgive you. I promise. I promise. I forgive you," Azula repeated these words over and over as she lay, shaking over her mother's body. "I love you," Azula whispered finally as she cried herself dry.
