Another Hour on the Road

TheSiege

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Joined
Nov 8, 2011
Messages
393
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This song is not about me. It's also not finished. I feel like its lacking the emotion that I want to capture... If unfortunately you can relate to this song please post a comment and tell me what I can do to better capture the right emotions because I'm writing this for my friend... Anyway without further ado

Another hour on the road

The clocks ticking down while I'm racing down the track
88 M-P-H like I'm tryin to turn it back
The present's depressin and the future is black
I got the pedal to the metal all the way to the past
And I know what you might ask,
"why're u runnin so fast?
Your problems are no biggie
It's no Herculean task
Ease ur foot off the gas
And repress ur regression
Stop racing away
And confess to your depression"
I tell you this: when it comes to balls I don't got em
It takes courage to admit that ur in trouble with a problem
I'm just a coward on the road with no intent to solve em
Because another hour on the road is just more time I have without em

I wake up early for a job I'm barely suited for
Come back home to find myself in the middle of a brutal war
Between two feudal lord luchadores
Who implore who I'm rootin for
When according to the score
IM the one that's losing more
I have two options: I can either stay rooted or
Walk right out the stupid door
And Hit the road
On my own
And show em what I'm shooting for

Because another hour on the road is just more time away from home
And every second on my own shows how old I haven't grown
Still too small to stop my pop from poppin pills
On the floor lookin like a possum killed
Mamas droppin, bottoms up
She gotta have it; not enough

Cuz we all have our addictions.
I'm addicted to the sound of the key in my ignition
I'm a man without a mission
Not even worth a listen
Cuz I can't afford to pay tuition
When I'm working in the kitchen
Of a fast food joint
I don't get the point
It's like I'm a toy
That was made to get destroyed
Or kicked in the groin repeatedly
Needlessly
It's a conspiracy
The whole worlds against me
At least that's what it seems to me

But i stand strong here all alone
My emotions cold as stone
And the only cure known
Is one more hour on the road
 

NarutAwesome

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Joined
Sep 27, 2012
Messages
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Kin
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Kumi
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Trait Points
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This song is not about me. It's also not finished. I feel like its lacking the emotion that I want to capture... If unfortunately you can relate to this song please post a comment and tell me what I can do to better capture the right emotions because I'm writing this for my friend... Anyway without further ado

Another hour on the road

The clocks ticking down while I'm racing down the track
88 M-P-H like I'm tryin to turn it back
The present's depressin and the future is black
I got the pedal to the metal all the way to the past
And I know what you might ask,
"why're u runnin so fast?
Your problems are no biggie
It's no Herculean task
Ease ur foot off the gas
And repress ur regression
Stop racing away
And confess to your depression"
I tell you this: when it comes to balls I don't got em
It takes courage to admit that ur in trouble with a problem
I'm just a coward on the road with no intent to solve em
Because another hour on the road is just more time I have without em

I wake up early for a job I'm barely suited for
Come back home to find myself in the middle of a brutal war
Between two feudal lord luchadores
Who implore who I'm rootin for
When according to the score
IM the one that's losing more
I have two options: I can either stay rooted or
Walk right out the stupid door
And Hit the road
On my own
And show em what I'm shooting for

Because another hour on the road is just more time away from home
And every second on my own shows how old I haven't grown
Still too small to stop my pop from poppin pills
On the floor lookin like a possum killed
Mamas droppin, bottoms up
She gotta have it; not enough

Cuz we all have our addictions.
I'm addicted to the sound of the key in my ignition
I'm a man without a mission
Not even worth a listen
Cuz I can't afford to pay tuition
When I'm working in the kitchen
Of a fast food joint
I don't get the point
It's like I'm a toy
That was made to get destroyed
Or kicked in the groin repeatedly
Needlessly
It's a conspiracy
The whole worlds against me
At least that's what it seems to me

But i stand strong here all alone
My emotions cold as stone
And the only cure known
Is one more hour on the road

anything in red is what i thought flow was kind of shaky, blue is that it sounded weird

overall, great, I'll say a B

WHY

you were very descriptive, maybe too descriptive, you want the listener to follow your thoughts and have enough time to think yet continue to listen, this rap was just like that, it's great but if I was listening I'll probably get lost when you speed up, it's just me

keep some of the descriptive parts but have a simple break where you slow down

also, don't give away the topic too quick , give hints, and points, but don't be too quick to say it was depression and drinking....that makes the reader say , "Oh, so it's depression..." they don't piece it together...it's just me, but it's fine how it is though

overall nice, you can always improve and make it better, let me know if you need more help
 
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