A Shakespearean Sonnet (No Title)

[ZK]

As I stand before those great Gods of old
Pondering my sins, planning a tricksters flight
I mock such judges, ‘spite their iron hold
For I will sit on the trickster’s throne tonight

A rogue is a fiend with the thoughts of more minds
Thus wears the crown no king shall ever wield
I own no castle; I cut the chain that binds
Joker in heart I make a sled of my shield

My sword of lies lures families astray
My retinue consumes them; us becomes I
My zealots whores, concubines too cliché
I thieve the children of name; my guilt is but a lie

Carnival decay, empty grins for sale
I sell truth to retain youth beyond the veil
______________________________________
A Shakespearean sonnet. Critisism would be appreciated.

 

[AP2k]

Mad props for being able to comprehend the intricacies of shakespearian sonnets, both the rhyme scheme and meter. I liked the poem itself as well! But just being able to write these kinds of poems shows a lot of talent

 

[Seffy]

I like it! Very well written and it makes you think; like most Shakespearean Sonnets. Great job! =DD

 

[ZK]

Mad props for being able to comprehend the intricacies of shakespearian sonnets, both the rhyme scheme and meter. I liked the poem itself as well! But just being able to write these kinds of poems shows a lot of talent

I like it! Very well written and it makes you think; like most Shakespearean Sonnets. Great job! =DD

Thanks to the both of ya.
^^

 

[Entropy]

You got the form right, but the song itself has a darker feel to it, like some sort of a Metal Sonnet Anyhow, I liked it.

 

[NaruGoku]

well just be careful cuz if you want it to be a true shakespearian sonnet you have to get rid of those 11-syllable lines. a shakespearian sonnet is iambic pentameter through and through, every line is ten syllables. also, iambic is unstressed followed by a stressed syllable so when you begin a line with a word like "Pondering" where the stress is on the first syllable, it disrupts the rhythm of the iambic foot. if you would like more critique or anything, i am actually an english teacher so you can ask me anything you want about poetry or other writings and i'd be happy to look at anything of yours and give you feedback. in fact, i'd rather enjoy doing that if you'd like

 

[ZK]

well just be careful cuz if you want it to be a true shakespearian sonnet you have to get rid of those 11-syllable lines. a shakespearian sonnet is iambic pentameter through and through, every line is ten syllables. also, iambic is unstressed followed by a stressed syllable so when you begin a line with a word like "Pondering" where the stress is on the first syllable, it disrupts the rhythm of the iambic foot. if you would like more critique or anything, i am actually an english teacher so you can ask me anything you want about poetry or other writings and i'd be happy to look at anything of yours and give you feedback. in fact, i'd rather enjoy doing that if you'd like

I honestly didn't use Iambic Parameter, so I guess this isn't an actual Shakespearean Sonnet .-.
I honestly used a syllable counter and found that words such as 'I' weren't included. Honestly, I was an idiot and assumed English featured some special syllable rules.
I'll link you to anything I write. I didn't think an English teacher would find me here.
Thanks for the critisism, though, it helps me improve as critisism should.

 

[shelma]

I honestly believe its really good!
Its got a dark theme as if its a cover for something gruesome....
But i think is swell!

 

[Yerrina]

I honestly didn't use Iambic Parameter, so I guess this isn't an actual Shakespearean Sonnet .-.
I honestly used a syllable counter and found that words such as 'I' weren't included. Honestly, I was an idiot and assumed English featured some special syllable rules.
I'll link you to anything I write. I didn't think an English teacher would find me here.
Thanks for the critisism, though, it helps me improve as critisism should.

It's actually Pentameter. Penta=five, indicating the five syllables.

One example my Lit teacher gave me was "Shall I Compare Thee To A Summer's Day"

Where Shall is unstressed, as you can pronounce it easily, and I is stressed and emphasized. Com is the unstressed, and pare is the stressed, and so on until you have five syllables of stressed and unstressed.

Don't worry, it's nothing that English Lit next year will not sort out. I didn't read it yet and I have a busy day ahead so I can't provide proper criticism atm :]

 

[ZK]

Goddamn Pentameter >_<
Thanks everyone, I'll see about implementing that pentameter and beating the living crap out of that syllable counter >_>

 

[Laharl]

nice work i like it