6th Hokage Dimensional Chronicles ~ Chapter 1
- Thread starter Escorpiius
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Escorpiius
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Euh, I wrote first LOL xd Seriously, I don't mind...
Glad you liked it and as I've said, there's more...Just see my Sig for links....
huntsman1985
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yeah after i wrote you i found the fight chapter.Well, you got C2 up to C5, which is 4 chapters but there's a link to a special chapter in C3, guess you can call it C3.5
Glad that you've already read 5 then xd
DeathReaperSeal
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looool, this shet rocks man.
love the naruhina thing and that naruto resembles his father more (longer hair)
love the naruhina thing and that naruto resembles his father more (longer hair)
Escorpiius
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Hehe
Thanks...
Thanks. Well, Kakashi is always awesome and describing him isn't hard since it just has to be Kakashi. He's spontaneously unique. xd
flyingpanda
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dude, you're awesome! thats hilarious and ingenious! you've combined my two favourite things: naruto and harry potter
Escorpiius
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Escorpiius
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MarBellarke
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Escorpiius
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Escorpiius
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Hope you do enjoy it. All chapters' link in my siggy btw.
Thanks again - unique is always a nice praise.
This is definitely not in my place to judge.
And I feel very mean commenting at all.
Well.. in my opinion, there was a bit too much dialogue. Not enough description.
It all moved very quickly and not much anticipation was built up.
Especially in that flashback where Sasuke dies, there should have been a bit more sentimentality. He was just as real a goal as Naruto becoming Hokage.
And when he was seen with his brother you wrote the sentence "Sasuke screamed loud and began crying" even though it isn't really in his character to show weakness in front of his brother.
The romances between Hinata/Naruto and Ron/Hermione were a little cold for my taste.
I did like how you mixed Harry Potter's world with theirs though. It worked out really well. Kind of fun to see the ninjas/wizards meet. Probably didn't need that long list describing who was the head of what as that would have been realized if relevant later in the story.
But all of that might just have to do more with the type of writing I gravitate towards versus an unbiased judgement of the fanfiction.
And as I said before, I am kind of picky with most fanfictions. My opinion doesn't really mean anything. You've spent a very long time writing it and a lot of people like it and it isn't that bad.
EDIT: (p.s. I like how you're incorporating the tri wizard tournament into the story too.)
And I feel very mean commenting at all.
Well.. in my opinion, there was a bit too much dialogue. Not enough description.
It all moved very quickly and not much anticipation was built up.
Especially in that flashback where Sasuke dies, there should have been a bit more sentimentality. He was just as real a goal as Naruto becoming Hokage.
And when he was seen with his brother you wrote the sentence "Sasuke screamed loud and began crying" even though it isn't really in his character to show weakness in front of his brother.
The romances between Hinata/Naruto and Ron/Hermione were a little cold for my taste.
I did like how you mixed Harry Potter's world with theirs though. It worked out really well. Kind of fun to see the ninjas/wizards meet. Probably didn't need that long list describing who was the head of what as that would have been realized if relevant later in the story.
But all of that might just have to do more with the type of writing I gravitate towards versus an unbiased judgement of the fanfiction.
And as I said before, I am kind of picky with most fanfictions. My opinion doesn't really mean anything. You've spent a very long time writing it and a lot of people like it and it isn't that bad.
EDIT: (p.s. I like how you're incorporating the tri wizard tournament into the story too.)
Last edited:
Escorpiius
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Actually, I welcomed your criticism.This is definitely not in my place to judge.
And I feel very mean commenting at all.
Well.. in my opinion, there was a bit too much dialogue. Not enough description.
It all moved very quickly and not much anticipation was built up.
Especially in that flashback where Sasuke dies, there should have been a bit more sentimentality. He was just as real a goal as Naruto becoming Hokage.
And when he was seen with his brother you wrote the sentence "Sasuke screamed loud and began crying" even though it isn't really in his character to show weakness in front of his brother.
The romances between Hinata/Naruto and Ron/Hermione were a little cold for my taste.
I did like how you mixed Harry Potter's world with theirs though. It worked out really well. Kind of fun to see the ninjas/wizards meet. Probably didn't need that long list describing who was the head of what as that would have been realized if relevant later in the story.
But all of that might just have to do more with the type of writing I gravitate towards versus an unbiased judgement of the fanfiction.
And as I said before, I am kind of picky with most fanfictions. My opinion doesn't really mean anything. You've spent a very long time writing it and a lot of people like it and it isn't that bad.
EDIT: (p.s. I like how you're incorporating the tri wizard tournament into the story too.)
Though, I'm surprised someone actually criticized how there wasn't much anticipation build-up. Usually, I tend to receive the opposite comment - Like there's too few action and too much talking lol.
I guess, it comes from the reader's background. You seem to appreciate the novel type of reading; instead of the dialogue-based one; which I respect. In fact, I, myself, tend to prefer the novel-type of reading. I feel that that this is the better way to express a character's emotion and to describe a mood of the story. Still, I feel, that I'm not ready for that challenge when I started this FF. I still don't feel it much; though my writing improve a little bit over the 2 years.
Point is, NB readers are mostly manga-fans and hence, they connect better with this dialogue dialect and format. The dialogue-type FF gives a manga feel to the story; compared to the novel-type. Still, I try to merge both of them as much as I can. But since readers here tend to value action a lot compared to characters/scenic/relations' depiction and description, I need to tend to those readers too.
That's why I assume you find the romances a bit cold or the description pretty fade. These are points that I try my maximum to present correctly; even though I have limitations. I'd keep trying to improve on this point. Perhaps, someday, I might start a new FF with the novel-format; where I'll get more freedom to concentrate more on those points.
I appreciate you did liked the crossover though. Being in 2 different worlds, I tried to bring as much subtlety in that mixture; that is mostly my soul of my FF.
As for Sasuke/Itachi's relation, well, in my defense, I wrote this 2 years ago when Itachi wasn't even revived by Kabuto. Recently, we got to learn a lot on Itachi-Sasuke's relation. So, in a way, my take on their relation was more speculation. I could have made it much better; had I release like now.
Again, thank you for your feedback. I appreciate sincerity and clearly, you stated your mind.
