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"Death Keeps Knocking" (Poetry)

xMutation

xMutation

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Well, here's a Poem I just got finished writing. I think it's one of my best short poems I've written. It would be nice to see some Positive Feedback. Be sure to comment on what think about it.

Death stands knocking at my door
"Go away" I scream, "Go away"
My words he chooses to ignore
And not listen to what I say

He keeps peering through my windows
Looking for a way, to enter in
While making subtle innuendos
About the kind of person I've been

Ever knocking, he will not leave
Trying to get my attention
His subliminal messages I receive
That tells of his evil intention

I keep hearing him knocking every hour
He will not let me sleep
Holding me captive with his evil power
Ever chasing my soul to reap

Knocking, knocking, knocking
His cadence is driving me mad
My soul he's continuously stalking
Envading what dreams I've had

His knocking suddenly disappears
As silence now rings in my head
Maddness has overtaken my fears
Or maybe this means I'm dead​
 
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Ldude

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Bboyinsayn said:
Sorry man, i HATE poems...
Click to expand...
-_- Get out of here.

xMutation said:
Well, here's a Poem I just got finished writing. I think it's one of my best short poems I've written. It would be nice to see some Positive Rep. Be sure to comment on what think about it.

Death stands knocking at my door
"Go away" I scream, "Go away"
My words he chooses to ignore
And not listen to what I say

He keeps peering through my windows
Looking for a way, to enter in
While making subtle innuendos
About the kind of person I've been

Ever knocking, he will not leave
Trying to get my attention
His subliminal messages I receive
That tells of his evil intention

I keep hearing him knocking every hour
He will not let me sleep
Holding me captive with his evil power
Ever chasing my soul to reap

Knocking, knocking, knocking
His cadence is driving me mad
My soul he's continuously stalking
Envading what dreams I've had

His knocking suddenly disappears
As silence now rings in my head
Maddness has overtaken my fears
Or maybe this means I'm dead​
Click to expand...

I like this poem, but you have a couple of mistakes. I bolded them.
1. Get rid of the comma.
2. Wrong word. That does not relate at all to an innuendo.
3. *Tell (because messages is plural.) "That" messes up the structure and turns the couplet into a fragmented sentence.
4. *Invading
5. *Madness

Also, the rhythm is off in some lines. Try counting syllables or writing with iambs; it helps me a lot.

Oh, and by the way, it's against the rules to ask for rep.

Dovahkiin said:
Dude plagiarism isnt cool :|
Click to expand...
Did he plagiarize this? Where from?
 
xMutation

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Dovahkiin said:
Dude plagiarism isnt cool :|
Click to expand...
I didn't plagiarize anything. I sat down on my computer for about an hour an half and wrote this.

Ldude said:
-_- Get out of here.




I like this poem, but you have a couple of mistakes. I bolded them.
1. Get rid of the comma.
2. Wrong word. That does not relate at all to an innuendo.
3. *Tell (because messages is plural.) "That" messes up the structure and turns the couplet into a fragmented sentence.
4. *Invading
5. *Madness

Also, the rhythm is off in some lines. Try counting syllables or writing with iambs; it helps me a lot.

Oh, and by the way, it's against the rules to ask for rep.



Did he plagiarize this? Where from?
Click to expand...
Thanks I didn't have anyone to read over it, so it's a bit natural I'd make some mistakes. Sorry I wasn't it aware it was against the rules. Once again I made this poem myself and worked hard on it.
 
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