When death comes to play

[DARK BEAST ZANZA]

There is blood on the ground
And death all around
But what do people say
Just ignore it
And it will go away
But i do not ignore it
And im here to say
I will not cry or hide
When death comes to play

Rate And comment im open to criticism

1.Awfull
2.Bad
3.ok
4.Good
5.Excellent

this will probably be my last poem for a while but i will post more in the future.

 

[two fates]

Nice bro, its better than last one

 

[Scooby Doo]

Its not so good IMO, its too general /cliché/ and its just a quick thought without much meaning and has not much emotion . Probably it has significance only for you. Sorry if I was too harsh.

 

[saaaaaadpanda]

Hey man, not to be critical, but rather than making a bunch of threads for several poems rapid fire, perhaps it'd be better to post them all in one thread?

 

[Scooby Doo]

Hey man, not to be critical, but rather than making a bunch of threads for several poems rapid fire, perhaps it'd be better to post them all in one thread?

LOL Panda you're always so rational and honest XD

 

[DARK BEAST ZANZA]

Its not so good IMO, its too general /cliché/ and its just a quick thought without much meaning and has not musch emotion . Probably it has significance only for you. Sorry if I was too harsh.

No as i said i welcome the criticism it helps me to better my writing ability but not all poetry means something to everyone this poem is about death because ive lost alot of people and i guess it states how most people fear the day that death comes knocking but i dont either way thank you for your honesty i hope i can count on you for that with my future poems.

 

[Scooby Doo]

No as i said i welcome the criticism it helps me to better my writing ability but not all poetry means something to everyone this poem is about death because ive lost alot of people and i guess it states how most people fear the day that death comes knocking but i dont either way thank you for your honesty i hope i can count on you for that with my future poems.

Exactly! Even if you write about your thoughts/feelings it has to evoke emotions in the readers and the poem needs to have a meaning for the readers but this poem meant nothing to me unfortunately And not because I'm a mindless / heartless guy.

 

[DARK BEAST ZANZA]

Hey man, not to be critical, but rather than making a bunch of threads for several poems rapid fire, perhaps it'd be better to post them all in one thread?

Haha your probably right i just didnt think about it really but as ive said i appreciate when people are honest with me so thank you.

 

[DARK BEAST ZANZA]

Exactly! Even if you write about your thoughts/feelings it has to evoke emotions in the readers and the poem needs to have a meaning for the readers but this poem meant nothing to me unfortunately And not because I'm a mindless / heartless guy.

Well i know your honest and sometimes honesty hurts but in my every day life people lie to my face just because they dont want to tell the truth so i appreciate when i meet someone whos honest even if it hurts so thank you i hope we can be friends.BTW i dont think your mindless or heartless my poems just had no effect so i just need to work harder.

 

[Scooby Doo]

Well i know your honest and sometimes honesty hurts but in my every day life people lie to my face just because they dont want to tell the truth so i appreciate when i meet someone whos honest even if it hurts so thank you i hope we can be friends.BTW i dont think your mindless or heartless my poems just had no effect so i just need to work harder.

I mean that even i can write a poem in a minute about my thoughts. For example:

Here I am alone,
Looking at the Moon,
Stars are watching over me,
In their eyes tears I can see.

But its a stupid poem without nothing to say.

 

[DARK BEAST ZANZA]

I mean that even i can write a poem in a minute about my thoughts. For example:

Here I am alone,
Looking at the Moon,
Stars are watching over me,
In their eyes tears I can see.

But its a stupid poem without nothing to say.

thats true but I wrote these a while back because i had nothing better to do and it gave me some time to reflect so most of these were about me although the one entitled the dark bride was done in less than a minute.:ghehe:

 

[derpderp]

i liked it xD

 

[Scooby Doo]

thats true but I wrote these a while back because i had nothing better to do and it gave me some time to reflect so most of these were about me although the one entitled the dark bride was done in less than a minute.:ghehe:

See? Dont write just because youre bored and especially not in a minute Write when you truly have something important to say though I'm nobody to lecture you so you can do what you would like to do of course. Its just my opinion.

 

[DARK BEAST ZANZA]

i liked it xD

Thank you.

See? Dont write just because youre bored and especially not in a minute Write when you truly have something important to say though I'm nobody to lecture you so you can do what you would like to do of course. Its just my opinion.

Yeah most of the time i write when im depressed or feeling down the one i wrote in less than a minute was for a poetry reading at my local library.