Crade- Prolouge!!

Crade

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Prolouge

This is just my idea for a new anime that I've been thinking about for years, I would love people's input and criticism, I really encourage for people to state there opinion on this and give me suggestions on how i could really make this better.

I will draw the Character's once im skilled enough and when I figure out how I want them to look. Enjoy the read :)


Dark paranoia filled the mind of the escaped prisoner. Running through the trees in the watery woods, he hides under a bridge as the police search the area. Knowing that he would eventually be caught he scouted all over, only to find an abandoned shed, big enough for his last plan.

The police keep yelling out for him, only making him more worried.

Police: We know your out here!! Come out of hiding!! Come on rookie stop acting scared.

Rookie: I wouldnt be scared if we didnt have to look for a Satanic criminal! This guy was arrested countless times for practicing rituals, he kept talking about Akuma! and everytime someone looked for him they ended up missing whats gonna happen to us!?

Police: We'll be fine, just keep looking for things that are unusual, best bet we'll find him before he tries anything funny, hes chained up anyway not like he can try any rituals with his hands chained together.

The criminal looking all over the shed, moving everything out of the way, to make the floor completley open. Picking up a Tanto with a broken blade, he cuts his wrists, he draws a cirlce with a diagram in the middle with the blood on the blade. He then started chanting.

Police: Rookie you see anything?!

Rookie says frighteningly: No i dont see anything!! Lets just get out of here!!

Police: Maybe your right, We'll drive around the city and ask questions.

Off in the distance two illuminating lights flashed of Red and Black and nearly knocked over the two policemen with excruciating force.

Police: did you see that!!?

Rookie as he's running in fear: Oh no lets get out of here!!

Police: Hey I could have your badge for this!! Get back here!!

No sign of returning the Policemen walked over to the area of the light came from. Pushing over branches and rustling through leaves he finally came across the shed. Glass was everywhere from the windows and the shed was barely in tact.

Police: Wow whatever that was, it wasnt happy.

Noticing the diagram in the middle of the floor, he knew it was the convict's doing. Searching around he lifted up boards that seemed to be from the shed.

Police: Oh no!!

He saw what looked to be a carcass, orange cloth scatterd around the body, he knew it was the convict.

Police: Well this is what happens, play with fire your gonna get burned. Unit 56 this is Katsumi! Over.

Station on his walkie talkie: Katsumi whatd you find?!

Katsumi the police officer: I found a body what seems to be the convict, this place was compltley destryed ill check around here to see if there is anything else.

As Katsumi checked around the perimeter of the shed, he opned the door once more and then closed it and started to walk away, suddenly he heard crying.

Katsumi the police officer: What the hell is going on?!!

He rushed back to open the door, and noticed two babies on the ground crying, one with bushy black hair, the other with Dark red.

Katsumi: Oh no!! That ritual! how did this happen!?

Katsumi thought to himself, the ritual must have brought the babies from some other dimension and brought them here. The police would probobly just put them in an orphanage with growing up with no family. Those children being from what possibly came from hell will most likely destroy this world if not raised right, theres no other choice... Katsumi took off his coat and wrapped the children in it, rushed them to his car, reported that the area was clear, then headed home.
 
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Reborn

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This is an interesting looking story here.

You didn't have too many grammar problems from what I could see, I feel you could've made it a little longer in order give a stronger sense of character development to the characters you used. It seems the police officer might be playing a stronger roll in this story later on.

However this is the first chapter (or rather the prologue) so there's always time for that.

Honestly, it's not something I feel I'd get into but I don't mind giving feedback either way, I can read something that doesn't really capsulate me and still give an un-biased review (Or at least I believe so :/). I can look past personal prefrance to tell how well the story is progressing or what not.

I think this was pretty good for a prologue, hope this was helpful to you.
 

Crade

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This is an interesting looking story here.

You didn't have too many grammar problems from what I could see, I feel you could've made it a little longer in order give a stronger sense of character development to the characters you used. It seems the police officer might be playing a stronger roll in this story later on.

However this is the first chapter (or rather the prologue) so there's always time for that.

Honestly, it's not something I feel I'd get into but I don't mind giving feedback either way, I can read something that doesn't really capsulate me and still give an un-biased review (Or at least I believe so :/). I can look past personal prefrance to tell how well the story is progressing or what not.

I think this was pretty good for a prologue, hope this was helpful to you.
Wow thank you very much, and actually the police officer wont so much play a strong role in the story, but rather the two children, The prolouge isnt anything you should expect from what i have planned for this series but im just trying to explain where the two children came from.

But i really thank you for your honesty :) i apprciate your time into reading this
 

Crade

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You can count on me to be watching this show when it comes out you're going to be booming with buisness.
Lol thanks :) thatd be awsome if i could make this into an actual anime. Im actually working on chapter one as we speak so if I'd love if you could check it out when im done working on it:)
 

Reborn

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Wow thank you very much, and actually the police officer wont so much play a strong role in the story, but rather the two children, The prolouge isnt anything you should expect from what i have planned for this series but im just trying to explain where the two children came from.

But i really thank you for your honesty :) i apprciate your time into reading this
No problem, I like to try to help people with things like this.
 
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