The Fate - Chapter 1

Mante

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The Fate
Chapter 1- Fault​

11 a.m. 12th November 1895
State Rail Station of Stockholm


I lifted my face to a flurry of snow flakes, while I was waited for the arrival of the train. The surrounding was as cool as Antarctica and crowed as China. Recently the roads were filled with ice and fog, so it was very difficult to drive and walk. My backpack was getting heavier in every second of patience. I don’t have much on my bag. The only thing I was carrying in my bag is my cloths and my story books, and of course, including my diary.
I like reading story books and to share what's happening with my diary. I don’t know why I like it, maybe because it reminds me of my parents. Yeah, about my parents there not much to say, they left me and the earth previous week on a car accident.I often overwhelmed with grief when my mom and dad died. Pathetic, huh? When I think of them, loneliness and sadness spread on my throat and heart.
I was on my way to emigrate from my Stockholm to Konaha. Konaha is a small country with many small villages. "Longtown" is one of it, where my one and only relative, Uncle Steve lives with her daughter, Alice. My uncle is a scientist, but not a famous one.
Alice and I used play hide and seek together when we four, ten years ago. I have seen my Uncle, his wife and their daughter only once in my whole 14 years on earth. Alice is also 14 and is also… motherless since she was eight. I was informed that Alice's mother was killed by a forest wolf… or a werewolf. You can say it’s a tailed beast, because I believe those are false story. Weird, right?
No, not weird! It is weird when a 14 years old teenage boy, like me, travels to a town that he have never seen before, without any escort on his side to guide and guard him. But fortunately the crowd prevented me from feeling that I was alone.
Oh! There came the train. As soon as I caught the train, I entered the train and I took a seat nearby the left window. Unlike I expected it wasn't noisy inside the train. The seats were comfortable. Here it goes, I said to myself as the train started to move, warm air filled the atmosphere at the same time. Good bye Stockholm.
The journey seems to be slow but pleasant enough as I idly chatted with several people and absentmindedly watched outside the train through the window. Passengers got in and out at regular intervals.


4 p.m.
Rail Station of Konaha

At last the long journey came to an end, after five long hours. As soon as I was ready to leave the train I rushed to the exit.
Where is Uncle Steve? He is supposed to be here, to take me home… my new home. To my panic there wasn’t Uncle and to my surprise there was a boy there, alone.He had a coal black and spiky hair. I can say he wasn’t happy for some reasons. He came to me and started to talk.
'' Hi, I'm John.'' He spoke.
'' Hi, I'm Robert Edward, nice to meet you!'' I replied.
"Me to…uh.. Are you alone?"
'' Yep, I'm alone. It seems that you are alone too.''
'' Nah, my mother is working in a nearby café, and I'm killing my time exploring nothing'' He sighed.
'' Where is your home?'' I asked.
''Not so far from here. And yours?''<3
''Longtown''
His eyes opened wide, in horror I guess. ''Well… where is your parents?'' he asked quickly.
'' Oh, I'm orphan. And that is why I'm here.''
'' Where do you stay?'' he asked, getting serious.
'' With my Uncle, Steve'' I replied.
'' You mean that Professor Steve!'' his asked with full of dread.
''Yeah? Why are you asking so much questions?'' I asked in confusion.
'' I believe you know nothing about the village you are going''
He is right, I know nothing about that village.
'' Well, what do you know about it?'' I asked.
'' Listen carefully. I heard that villagers of Longtown are facing a problem of a beast!''
'' And…?'' I rolled my eyes.
''You must listen to me'' he continued: '' The villagers are attacked by a beast. It's called The Gedo Mazo! And some say that the beast comes from Professor Steve's mansion, which is on the Forest Mountain. The villagers also say that Steve is the one behind this beast. And some say Steve is the one who transforms to the beast using his experiments''.
He stopped continuing the story when he saw that I wasn’t listening.
'' C'mon, you can't be that way!'' he complained.
'' Okay, okay… continue''
'' Actually that’s all I know about longtown''
We giggled.
And chatted… joked… laughed…
The time ran out, and we never knew.


5:12 .p.m.

Uncle Steve hasn't yet shown up. And I was anxious and I knew I was scared. The day light is going to say goodbye and night darkness is going to say hi! The people are decreasing as a matter of fact. John hasn’t left yet, so I called him and asked about the location of Longtown and the Forest Mountain.
''I don’t know and, don’t want to know. But I want to help you, so take this map with you.'' He gave me a map.
''Thank you, but how am I able to know where Uncle Steve is?''
''Here, you can see the Forest mountain. Go there you will see his mansion''
-----------------------​
5:45 .p.m.
Forest Mountain.

Here I 'am. Here is the mountain. Not a mountain, but a hill. A large hill. Behind the hill there was a forest of trees… creepy looking trees.It was really cold, dark and scary. I got goose bumps.
Where is the house? I searched the hill.
Nothing caught my eye.
Nothing…but a large mansion. I can't say it’s a mansion. In fact it’s an old castle, situated on the peak of the hill surrounded by thousands of long trees. Trees that were carrying snow more than its leaves. Sorry, actually there were no leaves on the trees.
Time to enter my new home. I sprint to the large door of the castle. It was a wooden, black painted door, which don’t have a single crack even, but a doorknob. I tried the doorknob. But it was locked.
So I knocked the door.
No response.
Knocked again.
Again… and again.
Suddenly the door creaked open just enough for light to fill in the empty space between the door and its frame, revealing a shadowy girl.
Alice?
Alice!Even in the dark I recognized her. But she has changed a lot. She was completely different from before. Her face looks dead and cadaverous. Her lips were dry and grey. Her pony hair was coal black and long, which was brought in front over her left shoulder. Her black dress was as black as a night without moon, and that made her camouflage.
She stepped out from the large house.
I smiled happily, and opened my mouth to say a word. But before I can split a word she spoke.
'' Get lost. Or else you will be with your parents before dusk.' She demanded in a loud whisper.
What?!! What does that mean?
She turned around. Stepped inside the castle. Turned around and shut the door in front of my face.
I hesitated. Her words hurt my heart just like she squeezed it. My eyes filled with tears of sadness and frustration. I felt loneliness.
I haven't even seen Uncle Steve.
Where am I supposed to go?
Where? Who will give me shelter and who would care me.
Is that my fault that I came here?
My fault?

*** Will be continued in Chapter 2***
 

Boa Hancock

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It's nice. You could bear to work on grammar and punctuation more though, and the tenses are all out of whack. Like this line:

"Alice and I used play hide and seek"

Then right after it:

"I have seen my Uncle, his wife and their daughter only once"

If you're gonna stick with the first tense, then be consistent and stick with it on the whole story, except in flashbacks and POV switching.

Do you need a proofreader? I can be one for you. I've written fanfics since 2003 for Harry Potter lol.

Once again, great effort, and keep writing.
 

Mante

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It's nice. You could bear to work on grammar and punctuation more though, and the tenses are all out of whack. Like this line:

"Alice and I used play hide and seek"

Then right after it:

"I have seen my Uncle, his wife and their daughter only once"

If you're gonna stick with the first tense, then be consistent and stick with it on the whole story, except in flashbacks and POV switching.

Do you need a proofreader? I can be one for you. I've written fanfics since 2003 for Harry Potter lol.

Once again, great effort, and keep writing.
thanks, glade that you read it. Actually I got know time to check it. Also I wrote it in about a week ( i took long breakes while writing, and thats the reason why the sentence had the mistake.) any ways thanks! ^_^
 

Uchiha Dan

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So your Uncle is the Gedou Mazo and your cousin Alice just told you to get lost after a long trip from Stockholm? Oh and the town is being ravaged by a Werewolf, tailed beast!

This is a wicked cool story line, when is the next chapter coming out? O_O
 

Mante

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So your Uncle is the Gedou Mazo and your cousin Alice just told you to get lost after a long trip from Stockholm? Oh and the town is being ravaged by a Werewolf, tailed beast!

This is a wicked cool story line, when is the next chapter coming out? O_O
thanks! Next chapter will be out at the begining of next month ;)
 

Maina Deah

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did you find a mistake of this ff?
Actually, I don't criticized the works of others even grammar or the likes since I also got troubles doing that xd
Its not the grammar that counts but the whole picture of the story. Someone told me that and it really makes sense ;)
Well everything is fine. Its a good story tho. Keep it up ^^
 
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