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Lord of Kaos

Lord of Kaos

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Wrote last night whilst pondering about a lot of things. It's more of a philosophical poem than the introspective, dark ones I usually make. But I sorta like it tbh. Once more, I don't think it matches up to the quality of my past poem but c'est la vie.


Which is more foolish: the child afraid of the Dark
Or the man afraid of the light
Sometimes the questions are simple
And the answers are complicated, right?
I doubt one could live in the darkness
But unfortunately one can survive
Too many watch their lives go by
Instead of living it live
Life is not a problem
So why are you asking for a solution
Stop letting your foggy vision
Give your mind pollution
Begin at the beginning and go on
Til you come to the end and then stop
For a wise man can see more from the bottom of a well
Than a fool can see from a mountain top.​
 
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Luiz

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Lord of Kaos said:
Wrote last night whilst pondering about a lot of things. It's more of a philosophical poem than the introspective, dark ones I usually make. But I sorta like it tbh. Once more, I don't think it matches up to the quality of my past poem but c'est la vie.


Which is more foolish: the child afraid of the Dark
Or the man afraid of the light
Sometimes the answers are complicated
And the questions are simple, right?
I doubt one could live in the darkness
But unfortunately one can survive
Too many watch their lives go by
Instead of living it live
Life is not a problem
So why are you asking for a solution
Stop letting your foggy vision
Give your mind pollution
Begin at the beginning and go on
Til you come to the end and then stop
For a wise man can see more from the bottom of a well
Than a fool can see from a mountain top.​
Click to expand...
I like your point. If I may, I have a few critiques to make:

Sometimes the answers are complicated
And the questions are simple, right?

It would be better if you went like:

Sometimes the questions are simple,
Yet the answers are complicated, right?

It draws the parallelism much better than how you put it. In those 6 first verses, I love how you composed your poem out of oxymoron. And I was said that you let that go on the rest of the poem, which felt a bit lost and random. I like the:

Life is not a problem
So why are you asking for a solution

Maybe just change "a solution" for "the solution". As in, don't try to find the solution of life, just live it. Likewise it could be don't try to ask other for the solution of life, find the answer yourself. Though, since you used "a" for "a problem", it is nice to have the parallelism again with "a solution".

This part:

Begin at the beginning and go on
Til you come to the end and then stop

xd. Lewis Carrol is purely amazing, yet I don't think this quote fits into the whole feeling of this poem.


Either way, let me reinforce my critique, I think it would be much greater had you continue to make your poem out of oxymorons. It would link everything together, and draw the analogy that life is made of ups and downs, there is no straight line, and you will never be able to see the end as you're living it, so don't try to spoil the ride by asking for solutions xd
 
Luiz

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And this:

For a wise man can see more from the bottom of a well
Than a fool can see from a mountain top.

Sooo nice!! Is it yours?
 
Lord of Kaos

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Luiz said:
I like your point. If I may, I have a few critiques to make:

Sometimes the answers are complicated
And the questions are simple, right?

It would be better if you went like:

Sometimes the questions are simple,
Yet the answers are complicated, right?

It draws the parallelism much better than how you put it. In those 6 first verses, I love how you composed your poem out of oxymoron. And I was said that you let that go on the rest of the poem, which felt a bit lost and random. I like the:

Life is not a problem
So why are you asking for a solution

Maybe just change "a solution" for "the solution". As in, don't try to find the solution of life, just live it. Likewise it could be don't try to ask other for the solution of life, find the answer yourself. Though, since you used "a" for "a problem", it is nice to have the parallelism again with "a solution".

This part:

Begin at the beginning and go on
Til you come to the end and then stop

xd. Lewis Carrol is purely amazing, yet I don't think this quote fits into the whole feeling of this poem.


Either way, let me reinforce my critique, I think it would be much greater had you continue to make your poem out of oxymorons. It would link everything together, and draw the analogy that life is made of ups and downs, there is no straight line, and you will never be able to see the end as you're living it, so don't try to spoil the ride by asking for solutions xd
Click to expand...
I love this post. =D

The original idea was to make it completely from oxymorons. After the darkness lines, my train of thought kind of went askew from smoking so it turned out a lot different then intended. xd

1st bolded: That was the original line but for some reason I can't remember, I move them around lol. I agree it ties the part together better though.

2nd bolded: Once more, I agree with you but I have just finished re-reading Alice in Wonderland and was determined to fit that line in somewhere xd. In retrospect, that's what I believe caused the poem's structure to shift: me wanting to incorporate a line:p

I actually like that you read it and took the time to critique it actually. It helps me to write better poetry and lets you in on the creative process.:p So, merci beaucoup for the much loved critique. <3

Luiz said:
And this:

For a wise man can see more from the bottom of a well
Than a fool can see from a mountain top.

Sooo nice!! Is it yours?
Click to expand...
Alas, no. It's an old proverb. I wish I knew who phrased it.
 
RokuNR

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Pretty good O_O

Perhaps I, too, should post some of my deeper poetry o.o
I developed a knack for poetry through constant writing assignments in school and I can probably come up with a really good poem in moments based on any topic.

Thanks for some inspiration, Kaos :p
 
RokuNR

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Lord of Kaos said:
:cool:

And over-confident much?:rolleyes:
Click to expand...
Indeed xd

But, you know, you reminded me of how much I enjoyed writing poetry when forced to (as weird as that sounds) xd
Thanks for that.

Edit: Sorry for being a buzzkillington, but what more do you expect from me
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Lord of Kaos

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RokuNR said:
Indeed xd

But, you know, you reminded me of how much I enjoyed writing poetry when forced to (as weird as that sounds) xd
Thanks for that.

Edit: Sorry for being a buzzkillington, but what more do you expect from me
You must be registered for see images
Click to expand...
xd That's what made me start writing poetry actually. School assignments and stuff lol. And yes, that was weird. O_O

And nah, it's okay lol. I love that emote btw! xd
 
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