Guilty as Sin
Member
Hello young pupils! So you want to be a ninja? That's why you clicked on the post right? I mean, if you were already a ninja, you wouldn't have clicked on it, but seeing as you are all here, I would like you all to take a seat and get out your notepads. If you forgot it, my assistant Rock Lee has extras. Just raise your kunai and he'll come right over.
Please Rock Lee, calm down.
Today, I will be teaching you three basic requirements that you must fulfill if you ever hope to become a ninja!
If you ever want to become a ninja, the first thing you need to learn is how to pronounce the word "ninja". What's that you say? You think that's stupid? Listen up you insignificant ant! If you truly wish to become a ninja, you'd best humble yourself and never question my authority, even if what I say sounds completely ridiculous and unnecessary! Do you want to work at a McRamen restaurant chain for the rest of your life? I didn't think so! So I suggest listen closely.
I am completely ashamed with the way our youth is turning out. Our language is being defiled by the filthy American dialect. It's vital that we return to our roots and honor our ancestors by pronouncing our language the way it was meant to be pronounced! That is why I am teaching you how to pronounce the word "ninja". You may think this is unimportant, but I assure you that before you may be a ninja at heart, you must be a ninja in word in deed. Therefore, repeat after me:
Neenja. What is this?! Are you telling me you cannot even accomplish this one simple task? It's not nin-ja, it's neen-ja.
Okay, you're getting the hang of it. Practice that and you will learn to appreciate the beauty of language, tradition, and beef tacos. For training purposes, I will heretofore spell "ninja", as neenja so that you do not forsake out beautiful language by accident!
The next thing you must do in order to become a neenja is that you must first design your own set of clothes. Think about it! Do you think Jiraiya, Bhudda rest his soul, went to JC Sennin to buy his gear? No! If that were true, any punk wannabe who say Jiraiya would immediately go to JC Sennin and buy the outfit. This would cause mayhem! Anarchy! We'd have something like this happening:
In order to avoid that, neenjas make their own clothing. Don't worry now, I'm not asking you to learn how to sow and stuff, that's what the women are for. Unless, of course, you're a neenjomosexual and you like that kind of thing. But if you are a real man, please grab a brochure at the end of class. It tells you all the famous designers and who they have worked with in the past.
(turns to Lee) Yes Rock Lee, I'm aware that Gai designed your clothes.
Yes, unfortunately that must therefore mean that your Sensei is a Neenjomosexual.
Please stop crying Lee...
(turns back to class) Please note that I am not a neenjomophobe, and any offensive material in my class is solely for the purpose of fun...and because Neenjomosexuals are scary. And it's okay to be scared of Neenjomosexuals--your fear is justified. We don't know a lot about them, but we know enough to say that they are as likely to kill you as they are to kidnap you and take away your dignity. We don't have any evidence of this because a Neenjomosexual always indoctrinates their victims, so no crime has ever been reported. We do, however, have Neenjas who fit the profile of a Neenjomosexual. Thankfully, Orochimaru has long since been deceased. Sasuke continues to withhold any and all information about the nature of his stay at Orochimaru's "hideout". Sasuke's turn to the darkness and embrace of madness suggests that he was a victim.
That was offtopic. All I'm saying is that if you're a neenjomophobe, it's okay. We're all afraid of being seduced by man with a lot of snakes in his pockets. But back on topic.
Once you get your outfit, only one last thing is left: your weapon. In order to become a neenja, you need neenja tools. Not just any neenja tool! Any child can get his hands on a kunai or paper bomb (may Bhudda rest their souls). I'm talking about something special. It's not just the weapon itself that matters, it's the process of getting it that develops character. It's the inside that counts, right ladies? It's not how big your sword is, but how you use the sword right? Right?! (starts to break down and cry)
(recollects himself) That's why, if you wish to become a neenja, you must convince Hattori Hanzo to make you a samurai sword. What's that you say? You thought Hattori Hanzo swore an oath to God never to make another instrument of death? Nonsense! Didn't you know he made an exception for Beatrix Kiddo? As of today, he has made over 10,000 exceptions for young pupils such as yourself. What's that you say?! Making that many exceptions defeats the purpose of an "exception"? Listen, that's a question for Hanzo, not for me. I'm just the guy leading you to your dea- err, I mean, leading you to your road to fame and glory. So why don't you ask him that yourself...if you survive!
That about sums up my "How to be a Ninja" Seminar. What's that you say?! When am I going to teach you jutsu? I don't specialize in jutsu, so I cannot teach you anything like that. What's that you say?! What do you mean I've missed the point of what it really means to be a neenja? Listen up sonny! Part of being a Neenja is not just about your Jutsu, but also about how you look when you are performing that Jutsu! If people didn't care about how they looked when they fought, then we'd have shows with tiny men with thick bulbous muscles where even the women looked like dudes and everyone had big foreheads and the same facial structure and outrageous hair!!!
Yes...I'm talking about Dragon Ball Z. So be thankful that this is NB, not DBZ.
Class is closed, there are cookies and punch on the table in the corner, feel free to get some.
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Please Rock Lee, calm down.
Today, I will be teaching you three basic requirements that you must fulfill if you ever hope to become a ninja!
If you ever want to become a ninja, the first thing you need to learn is how to pronounce the word "ninja". What's that you say? You think that's stupid? Listen up you insignificant ant! If you truly wish to become a ninja, you'd best humble yourself and never question my authority, even if what I say sounds completely ridiculous and unnecessary! Do you want to work at a McRamen restaurant chain for the rest of your life? I didn't think so! So I suggest listen closely.
I am completely ashamed with the way our youth is turning out. Our language is being defiled by the filthy American dialect. It's vital that we return to our roots and honor our ancestors by pronouncing our language the way it was meant to be pronounced! That is why I am teaching you how to pronounce the word "ninja". You may think this is unimportant, but I assure you that before you may be a ninja at heart, you must be a ninja in word in deed. Therefore, repeat after me:
Neenja. What is this?! Are you telling me you cannot even accomplish this one simple task? It's not nin-ja, it's neen-ja.
Okay, you're getting the hang of it. Practice that and you will learn to appreciate the beauty of language, tradition, and beef tacos. For training purposes, I will heretofore spell "ninja", as neenja so that you do not forsake out beautiful language by accident!
The next thing you must do in order to become a neenja is that you must first design your own set of clothes. Think about it! Do you think Jiraiya, Bhudda rest his soul, went to JC Sennin to buy his gear? No! If that were true, any punk wannabe who say Jiraiya would immediately go to JC Sennin and buy the outfit. This would cause mayhem! Anarchy! We'd have something like this happening:
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You must be registered for see images
In order to avoid that, neenjas make their own clothing. Don't worry now, I'm not asking you to learn how to sow and stuff, that's what the women are for. Unless, of course, you're a neenjomosexual and you like that kind of thing. But if you are a real man, please grab a brochure at the end of class. It tells you all the famous designers and who they have worked with in the past.
You must be registered for see images
(turns to Lee) Yes Rock Lee, I'm aware that Gai designed your clothes.
Yes, unfortunately that must therefore mean that your Sensei is a Neenjomosexual.
Please stop crying Lee...
(turns back to class) Please note that I am not a neenjomophobe, and any offensive material in my class is solely for the purpose of fun...and because Neenjomosexuals are scary. And it's okay to be scared of Neenjomosexuals--your fear is justified. We don't know a lot about them, but we know enough to say that they are as likely to kill you as they are to kidnap you and take away your dignity. We don't have any evidence of this because a Neenjomosexual always indoctrinates their victims, so no crime has ever been reported. We do, however, have Neenjas who fit the profile of a Neenjomosexual. Thankfully, Orochimaru has long since been deceased. Sasuke continues to withhold any and all information about the nature of his stay at Orochimaru's "hideout". Sasuke's turn to the darkness and embrace of madness suggests that he was a victim.
That was offtopic. All I'm saying is that if you're a neenjomophobe, it's okay. We're all afraid of being seduced by man with a lot of snakes in his pockets. But back on topic.
Once you get your outfit, only one last thing is left: your weapon. In order to become a neenja, you need neenja tools. Not just any neenja tool! Any child can get his hands on a kunai or paper bomb (may Bhudda rest their souls). I'm talking about something special. It's not just the weapon itself that matters, it's the process of getting it that develops character. It's the inside that counts, right ladies? It's not how big your sword is, but how you use the sword right? Right?! (starts to break down and cry)
(recollects himself) That's why, if you wish to become a neenja, you must convince Hattori Hanzo to make you a samurai sword. What's that you say? You thought Hattori Hanzo swore an oath to God never to make another instrument of death? Nonsense! Didn't you know he made an exception for Beatrix Kiddo? As of today, he has made over 10,000 exceptions for young pupils such as yourself. What's that you say?! Making that many exceptions defeats the purpose of an "exception"? Listen, that's a question for Hanzo, not for me. I'm just the guy leading you to your dea- err, I mean, leading you to your road to fame and glory. So why don't you ask him that yourself...if you survive!
That about sums up my "How to be a Ninja" Seminar. What's that you say?! When am I going to teach you jutsu? I don't specialize in jutsu, so I cannot teach you anything like that. What's that you say?! What do you mean I've missed the point of what it really means to be a neenja? Listen up sonny! Part of being a Neenja is not just about your Jutsu, but also about how you look when you are performing that Jutsu! If people didn't care about how they looked when they fought, then we'd have shows with tiny men with thick bulbous muscles where even the women looked like dudes and everyone had big foreheads and the same facial structure and outrageous hair!!!
Yes...I'm talking about Dragon Ball Z. So be thankful that this is NB, not DBZ.
Class is closed, there are cookies and punch on the table in the corner, feel free to get some.
