Sterling Malory Archer
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Chapter 1 - The plan.
In an unknown underground bar, where The Akatsuki, a feared organisation with the top ninjas in their ranks, celebrates a holiday.
Pain: Pain, was what we felt before the day occurred. As all of you know, we are totally awesome and a year ago we caught our first tailed beast!!!
The audience applauds
Kakuzu: Place a bounty on their heads and I'll catch 'em all!
Hidan: Oh shut up!
Pain: Yes my brethrens! I used to tell people, If there's such a thing a peace, I'll seize it! That was just what I began to do. Today, we celebrate the day, when we started our journey, to peace. I shall now mark it off the count-down calender.
Pain walks to the calender and puts an X on August the 14th.
Itachi peering over Pain's shoulder.
Itachi: Guess who's birthday it is tomorow!!!
Deidera: -Un.
Zetsu (singing): KAKUZU!!!
Kisame: What are we going to sing? "My heart will go on" or in Kakuzu's case, "My heartS will go on"
Everyone except Kakuzu laughs.
Kakuzu: I want my birthday money.
Itachi: How old you turning!
Kisame: He probably lost count.
Kakuzu: ....88
Pain: Hit the music DJ Konan the Barbarian!
Konan: Right on The Invain Pain!
Akatsuki soundtrack plays
Itachi (shaking his head slowly): Orochimaru....he made this song right?
Kisame: Let's partay!
Deidera: -un!
Itachi: We need more b*tches!
Konan: More? I don't see any at all.
Kisame: Here's a mirror, you'll see her.
Konan (angrily): Don't make me give you a paper cut!
Kakuzu (waking from dozing off): Paper! Where! I need....money..
Kakuzu dozes off again.
Pain (stepping in): Stop guys! We are a team. There's one thing that i need to get clear! Konan is nobodies b*tch!
Konan (relieved): Thank you Pain...
Pain (shouting): SHE's MY B*TCH!
Deidera: -un!
The song changes in the backround.
Pain (seeing Konan advancing on him with sharp paper): Konan! Hey! This is your song! Paper Planes!
Konan (distracted): I must dance!
The sounds of a cash register is heard.
Kakuzu (awaking from dozing off): Paper! Money! Cash register! That Ka-ching Noise! I must be dreaming! I can dance my heart out to this song!
Kisame: Do you mean...Hearts?
Itachi: All we need is some Micahel Jack- I mean, Orochimaru! He can do the Pukewalk for us!
Kisame: Do you think the moonwalk was possible before the Sage of the 6 did Chibaku tensei?
Pain (checking watch): It's bed time guys!
Everyone groans in disapointment
Pain: yes sad to say. Anyways. Tomorow is a special day for someone!!
Kakuzu snores loudly.
Hidan (Sneaking up behind Kakuzu): Money!
Kakuzu (Jumping up startled): Hidan! I am going to check you! You are going to pay! You are now on my black list and i will never credit you for anything! You think you are the Master Cardiac specialist with your stupid religion! Well buddy! It's vice-Visa for you! Because i am going to sew you!
Kisame: Gold-digger. No wonder why you single.
Deidera: -un!
Chapter 1 end
