copy ninja of konoha chapter 1

[naruto kyuubi]

hi guys this is my first story so every comment will be appreciated.
this story's time is set in the gap of the manga series ten days after naruto and jiraiya left konoha.
Its night the full moon's light is shining on the hokage mountain.everything is silent and beautiful but somewhere a gloom hangs deep perhaps the most in the heart of Kakashi Hatake one of leave's strongest shinobi."damn what am i really,i couldnot protect my sensei i could not save Obito.if it wasnt luck and jiraiya sama's powers naruto would have been taken as well.not only that i couldnt even stop sasuke form leaving".a howl of the wolf is heard from afar Kakashi in desparation "what would you have done here father".his memory flashes back to his fathers smile then to minato's face before giving him his kunai"i know you will figure out"
Kakashi stood up yes that must be it.i cannot fail i will succeed,i must get stronger.Suddenly a voice startled him"Kakashi,lady hokage wants to see you now"glancing back he saw Asuma still smoking and gave him a nod.next after a few minutes we see Tsunade and Shizune talking to an anbu while Kakashi enters "lady Tsunade you sent for me."Tsunade in a stern voice"yes we have a situation here,we found the thief of the first hokage's scrolls he is saban from the sword village."Kakashi was shocked"the eyes of death the cursed tempest element user"Tsunade remained silent for a moment then said "i have sent rin,toushiro and kai there but no report has reached me yet.Kakashi i want you,Asuma and Etsui and get there as fast as you can"Kakashi replied,"roger hokage sama i will get going."with in a few moments we see Kakashi along with Asuma and Etsui from Nara clan is seen running through the woods.Asuma though laid back most of the time was now quite serious"Kakashi from what my intels report this guy we are chasing is an s class missing nin.do you think we can get there in time to save rin and others"
Kakashi responded merely by nodding suddenly he came to a halt'wait something is wrong according to hokage sama rin and others were supposed to be here something is horribly amiss.','summoning jutsu'pakkun appears'Kakashi long time no see' Kakashi in a stern way'pakkun i want you to track the smell of rin'pakkun nodded and darted off with the three shinobis following closely.


will they be on time to save rin,who is this guy Kakashi called the eyes of the death it will be in the next chapter pls comment i do wish to know how good or bad this story is​

 

[Kranium]

ok here and there

 

[naruto kyuubi]

ok here and there

any ideas how to improve

 

[naruto kyuubi]

come on guys somebody anybody just tell me good bad yaack whatever

 

[+Kyon+]

Good but still need very hard work 4 make it best.

 

[naruto kyuubi]

Good but still need very hard work 4 make it best.

hmm i will try my best thanx bro.

 

[Reborn]

I feel it should be a little longer and I don't know if you're going to do this or not, but focus it on Kakashi's conflict with his father, and how you said before about him failing to protect Obito, Rin, and Minato.

Also try putting something about how he got his Mangekyou because even if it's only a FF I want an explination. Pretty good layout though.

 

[naruto kyuubi]

I feel it should be a little longer and I don't know if you're going to do this or not, but focus it on Kakashi's conflict with his father, and how you said before about him failing to protect Obito, Rin, and Minato.

Also try putting something about how he got his Mangekyou because even if it's only a FF I want an explination. Pretty good layout though.

Well i was going to explain mangekyo anyway but now that u put it i will try and add the conflict between him and sakumo

 

[-Haku Yuki-]

nice

 

[naruto kyuubi]

nice

any tips

 

[Reborn]

I assume your next chapter is going to be about a battle with this shinobi theif and him failing (or succeeding) to save Rin. I have an idea about Kakashi killing Rin because he's forced to for reason of mind control but I'm a little tired so I might not remember what I'm saying later on, that shows how he gets his eyes, or afterwards you could show Kakashi going through some heavy duty training. We've never seen Kakashi actually training before...just some ideas, I'm not much of a critic.

 

[naruto kyuubi]

I assume your next chapter is going to be about a battle with this shinobi theif and him failing (or succeeding) to save Rin. I have an idea about Kakashi killing Rin because he's forced to for reason of mind control but I'm a little tired so I might not remember what I'm saying later on, that shows how he gets his eyes, or afterwards you could show Kakashi going through some heavy duty training. We've never seen Kakashi actually training before...just some ideas, I'm not much of a critic.

well i was planning to see the battle between rin and the thief when kakashi intervenes and tries to save her and ms will be qwakened in a differnt way

 

[Reborn]

well i was planning to see the battle between rin and the thief when kakashi intervenes and tries to save her and ms will be qwakened in a differnt way

Better then my suggestion, I'm just a little kill happy when it comes to manga and anime of this type (Naruto, Bleach, etc.), I like seeing close people being forced to kill each other, to build up a lot of emotion. Beside MS is said to awaken from the feeling of loose of one's closest to them or a close person. It's just all the Uchiha who obtained it were cold hearted and killed their friends to get it (I don't see how they felt the loose unless they felt guilt like Sasuke did when he found out about Itachi).

 

[Zawar]

so chapter 2 = chapter 1

good
its short though

 

[naruto kyuubi]

so chapter 2 = chapter 1

good
its short though

thats becas its the very first one.