This fic is basically a humorous parody of all the Ninja War fanfics I was reading on fanfic.net, starring...NARUTOBASE MEMBERS !!!
W00t !
On with the show ! Lights, Camera, Action !
What?
No, get the pink elephant out of there idiot...yes, I mean that one..How many do you see ?
Good.
Sorry about that, my assistant was making a mess of himself. On with the show ! [ This time for real ]
-------------------------------
Emperor: Greetings ! As the hero of this war, I would like to...
Roku: No.
Emperor: No what ?
Roku: You're not the hero.
Emperor: I'm not ?
Roku: No.
Emperor: But I'm the author !
Roku: You just broke the Fourth Wall there.
Emperor: What wall ?
Roku: Never mind.
Emperor: Why not me ?
Roku: Because then nobody will read it.
Emperor: But everybody loves me !
Roku: No they don't.
Emperor: They do !
Roku: Ask them. * points to an audience that seems to have magically sprung out of nowhere *
Emperor: ( to audience ) You all love me, don't you ?
* Audience throws shoes at Emperor *
Emperor: See ? They're showering me with gifts !
Random Audience #1: No we aren't, you psychotic cannibal ! Take this ! * flings a microwave oven *
Emperor: Ouch...
Roku: See ?
Emperor: Blahh
Roku: * laughing *
Emperor: If I'm not the hero, who is ?
Roku: There is no hero !!
Emperor: Why not ? I have a villain, and a girlfriend all planned out !
Roku: You aren't writing a romance novel, dumbass ! This is a war story !
Emperor: What ? Really ? No romance story ? Damn... * throws away boxes of candy and Valentine cards *
Roku: * kicks Emperor* Get on with the story, the audience is getting restless !
Emperor: Fine.
----------------------------------------
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far, away... Oops, sorry, wrong beginning there. I mean, Present Time, at the Kazekage's office.
Kazekage Nexus: ( to Caliburn ) : Why aren't your swords cleaned, eh ? Why ? Full of blood and saliva. Pathetic trash.
Caliburn: *mumbling* What I'd like to do is to shove this sword up...
Nexus: * sweetly * Did you say something ?
Caliburn: Eh. N-nothing Sir !
Nexus: Good. Now, do you know what I'm thinking we should do ?
Caliburn: * mumbling again * If I knew, I would have overthrown you.
Nexus: ( ignoring Caliburn ) I've come up with a devilish plan.
Caliburn: Sir, I hope this is not anything like your "Let's-spy-on-the-Women's-Bath-house" plan. -.-
Nexus: Oh, no, nothing as simple as that.
Caliburn: Simple ?! I nearly got castrated !
Nexus: That's your fault for getting caught.
Caliburn: Me ? You shoved me into the horde of women so you could escape !
Nexus: Details, details. Now, the plan is that we invade Suna.
Caliburn: We are Suna -_-"
Nexus: What ? Really ? Hmm...this calls for some careful thinking. I've got it. We are going to invade Kumo !
cue dramatic music
Caliburn: Why ?
Nexus: Well, they currently corner the market on ... Adult Novels... after Jiraiya's demise, and they are overcharging me, the bastards !!
Caliburn: We're invading them because you're too cheap to pay ?
Nexus: Do you have any issue with that ? * glaring *
Caliburn: N-no Sir !
Nexus: Good. Now here's the plan...
------------------------------
Scene changes to the Raikage's office. Raikage is reading a letter from Suna.
Raikage Zise: * reading aloud *
Dear Raikage,
This is just to let you know that we will be coming in five days to smash your head in.
Yours sincerely,
Kazekage.
Zise: This means war !!
Rei: No, duh ?
Zise: I have to go make preparations !!
Rei: Aww...but you promised me...*whispers*
Zise: * huge grin * Ah, forget the preparations.
* Rei and Zise exit scene *
------------------------------------
For some inexplicable reason known only to themselves, the forces of Konoha and Kiri have decided to support Suna, and Kusa, Oto and Iwa have decided to support Kumo.
Historians believe this is a product of the "Boredomcausingwar-itis" syndrome.
-------------------------------------
Emperor: And so the battle lines have been drawn !! Who will win ? Will the Kazekage get his cut-price novels ? Will the Raikage have time to make preparations ? Where are everybody else ?
Roku: I must admit, that was a good speech...
Emperor: *continues* But now, I'd like to ask you all why you don't love me. Is it because I'm misunderstood for cannibalism ?
Roku: *facepalms* I spoke too soon.
* walks over and switches off lights and exits *
Emperor: Hello ? Hello ? Someone ?
---------------------------------------
W00t !
On with the show ! Lights, Camera, Action !
What?
No, get the pink elephant out of there idiot...yes, I mean that one..How many do you see ?
Good.
Sorry about that, my assistant was making a mess of himself. On with the show ! [ This time for real ]
-------------------------------
Emperor: Greetings ! As the hero of this war, I would like to...
Roku: No.
Emperor: No what ?
Roku: You're not the hero.
Emperor: I'm not ?
Roku: No.
Emperor: But I'm the author !
Roku: You just broke the Fourth Wall there.
Emperor: What wall ?
Roku: Never mind.
Emperor: Why not me ?
Roku: Because then nobody will read it.
Emperor: But everybody loves me !
Roku: No they don't.
Emperor: They do !
Roku: Ask them. * points to an audience that seems to have magically sprung out of nowhere *
Emperor: ( to audience ) You all love me, don't you ?
* Audience throws shoes at Emperor *
Emperor: See ? They're showering me with gifts !
Random Audience #1: No we aren't, you psychotic cannibal ! Take this ! * flings a microwave oven *
Emperor: Ouch...
Roku: See ?
Emperor: Blahh
Roku: * laughing *
Emperor: If I'm not the hero, who is ?
Roku: There is no hero !!
Emperor: Why not ? I have a villain, and a girlfriend all planned out !
Roku: You aren't writing a romance novel, dumbass ! This is a war story !
Emperor: What ? Really ? No romance story ? Damn... * throws away boxes of candy and Valentine cards *
Roku: * kicks Emperor* Get on with the story, the audience is getting restless !
Emperor: Fine.
----------------------------------------
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far, away... Oops, sorry, wrong beginning there. I mean, Present Time, at the Kazekage's office.
Kazekage Nexus: ( to Caliburn ) : Why aren't your swords cleaned, eh ? Why ? Full of blood and saliva. Pathetic trash.
Caliburn: *mumbling* What I'd like to do is to shove this sword up...
Nexus: * sweetly * Did you say something ?
Caliburn: Eh. N-nothing Sir !
Nexus: Good. Now, do you know what I'm thinking we should do ?
Caliburn: * mumbling again * If I knew, I would have overthrown you.
Nexus: ( ignoring Caliburn ) I've come up with a devilish plan.
Caliburn: Sir, I hope this is not anything like your "Let's-spy-on-the-Women's-Bath-house" plan. -.-
Nexus: Oh, no, nothing as simple as that.
Caliburn: Simple ?! I nearly got castrated !
Nexus: That's your fault for getting caught.
Caliburn: Me ? You shoved me into the horde of women so you could escape !
Nexus: Details, details. Now, the plan is that we invade Suna.
Caliburn: We are Suna -_-"
Nexus: What ? Really ? Hmm...this calls for some careful thinking. I've got it. We are going to invade Kumo !
cue dramatic music
Caliburn: Why ?
Nexus: Well, they currently corner the market on ... Adult Novels... after Jiraiya's demise, and they are overcharging me, the bastards !!
Caliburn: We're invading them because you're too cheap to pay ?
Nexus: Do you have any issue with that ? * glaring *
Caliburn: N-no Sir !
Nexus: Good. Now here's the plan...
------------------------------
Scene changes to the Raikage's office. Raikage is reading a letter from Suna.
Raikage Zise: * reading aloud *
Dear Raikage,
This is just to let you know that we will be coming in five days to smash your head in.
Yours sincerely,
Kazekage.
Zise: This means war !!
Rei: No, duh ?
Zise: I have to go make preparations !!
Rei: Aww...but you promised me...*whispers*
Zise: * huge grin * Ah, forget the preparations.
* Rei and Zise exit scene *
------------------------------------
For some inexplicable reason known only to themselves, the forces of Konoha and Kiri have decided to support Suna, and Kusa, Oto and Iwa have decided to support Kumo.
Historians believe this is a product of the "Boredomcausingwar-itis" syndrome.
-------------------------------------
Emperor: And so the battle lines have been drawn !! Who will win ? Will the Kazekage get his cut-price novels ? Will the Raikage have time to make preparations ? Where are everybody else ?
Roku: I must admit, that was a good speech...
Emperor: *continues* But now, I'd like to ask you all why you don't love me. Is it because I'm misunderstood for cannibalism ?
Roku: *facepalms* I spoke too soon.
* walks over and switches off lights and exits *
Emperor: Hello ? Hello ? Someone ?
---------------------------------------
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