- you have the power to summon a dragon friend if you sacrifice your dog to the dark god ba'al
- you can manifest energy beams from your hands by eating only bananas
- you can learn to fly by jumping one inch higher 100 times a day every day for ten years
- you can actually build a mecha if you just take your parents' car apart and start building
- zombies on roller skates are the most dangerous things in the world
- when the moon is in the seventh house, and taurus in the house of odin you can transcend this mortal coil and become something more, your own universe. the galaxies will twirl about you, and a million years will seem to be but a moment.
- your bicycle is a functioning time machine.
- you can talk to ghosts on your cellular phone if you shove mashed potatoes in the power jack.
- fat people are actually vampires
- when you're dreaming if you say, "Aya is awesome" three times in a row i will appear and grant you one wish.
- breaking a pinky swear is a one way ticket to hell in the after life.
- there is a secret city of gnomes underneath tokyo, and that's where all the anime actually comes from.
- you can learn to read minds by refusing to ever take a shower again, and applying truffle oil to your skin every day liberally, all over.
- you have a guardian angel, but he's actually not protecting you, he's barring you from the path to enlightenment. the only way to escape him is to wear a chicago bulls baseball cap, and 1980's vintage adidas.
