Bettenchi - Rime-ku

Kazamori

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Author: -Hiebie- a.k.a God of Ice
Genre(s): Drama, mystery, fantasy, superhuman, action.​


Chapter 1 - Little girl​

Dear diary ,
Hi ! I got you as a birthday present, so here's my first try.
My name is Miyuki Nakamura. I'm twelve year old girl. I don't have many relatives, all of them I know is my dad Satoshi and my uncle Isao. My dad is a famous archaeologist, we are traveling around the world in a different places. He's working very hard, so he nearly has time to be with me. Maybe because I resemble my mom so much. My mother died the same day I was born. Her name was Ayumi. My dad is not talking about her much. But he said she was a very happy, careful and kind person. I have a photo of her in my handbag, I always keep it with me wherever I go . Dad said I have the same blue eyes and same curly white hair . I think my mom game me a part of her disposition too. Maybe I'm not so happy as my mom was, but I'm trying to be, so my that my dad would be happier too. Why I'm not so happy ? When we travel I can't find many friends, even if I do I have to leave them after ten day or less. I never went to school, my dad is my own teacher. I have many books in my room, though we travel in a caravan. Sometimes I read my dad books too, it's pretty interesting. Mostly it's stuff about ancient times, details on the artifacts he found. In free time I don't like to meet others kids, I know I will have to forget them sooner or later. So instead I walk around with my doll Karu, observing nature. I like many creatures...cats , dogs, birds, rabbits, hamsters. But I hate spiders, they freak me out. Oh , the last thing I wanted to say... I love night stars, the sky is amazing when it's clear. Here, now you know me good ,diary.
Monday. 9:20 am
...my dad just woke up , we are leaving Mashu city today. We will be traveling to Ashumi village. He said it will take a day or so... I will write you back when we get there, I want to look through windows... I'm back. There we are, Ashumi village. It's looks very nice. Everything is green around. Village is surrounded by a forest in the north and south. East and West are the entrances to the village. Village does not look very big. I'm surprised that my uncle is here too, must be an important dig area. My dad and dig team already set up the camp in the east. A dig area is a tomb, I think it's called Ashumi , just like the village. That place is plain and sandy. It's getting dark outside , I will better go bring my dad home.


Miyuki takes her handbag and doll Karu. When leaves caravan, which is standing few metres away from the camp. She walks around the camp, but no one is there.

Miyuki ( thought ) : Hmm... where's everyone ?

She moves her eyes at the tomb entrance. It looks like a fallen stone house with a big hole like doors in it. There's few electric bulbs attached outside and inside the hole.

Miyuki ( thought ) : My dad and his team must be there...

She slowly starts walking towards the entrance. Stops near it, looks around. When she looks inside and notices stone stairs down in the entrance. Miyuki carefully walks down the stairs and enters the tomb with three corridors. One is right in front of Miyuki and two others are in the right and left sides of the entrance. All corridors are lighten up by electric bulbs. She looks to each side looking for dad or any team member. When she says gingerly .

Miyuki : ...dad ?

Getting no response she decides to enter the left corridor. Walking through it Miyuki repeats.

Miyuki : daaad !?

Suddenly she hears short sound of cracking wall.

Miyuki : Uh !

Sound disappears when she looks back. Girl hugs her doll Karu tight with her both hands and continues walking till she reaches dark room with light coming from the right corner. Miyuki walks closer and repeats.

Miyuki : daaad !? Is anyone here ?

In a moment she hears her dads voice which makes her feel better and happier.

Satoshi : Miyuki ? What are you doing here ?

Satoshi was standing near a wall with many symbols on it. He was writing them into his note book. He did not turn around to look at Miyuki , he continued his work. Miyuki answered with worried voice

Miyuki : mmm... it's getting late and dark outside...and-

Satoshi interupts and answers her question. He knew what his daughter wanted .

Satoshi : Go back to caravan Miyuki. I have to finish copying . I will come after thirty minutes . You will find your uncle outside the tomb, whole team should be there already . He will stay with you till I return. k ?

Miyuki : ...but...okey...

Miyuki's face turns sadder. She looks at her dad for few moments and walks back to the corridor.
After walking half of the way. All of a sudden all electric bulbs burns out. Except one twinkling. She runs under the twinkling lamp and screams .


Miyuki : Daaaaaaad !!!

Hearing no response she gets seriously scared. And then she notices black spider on the ground moving towards her . She screams again.

Miyuki : Aaaaahhhh !!!!

While screaming Miyuki moves back and puts her leg over the leaning stone and falls back hitting the wall which brakes easily after touching . She falls into a small room and hits the ground.

Miyuki : Ugh !!!

Girl stands up, her body is trembling from the fear. She can't even say a word. When suddenly she felts something behind her. She starts breathing hard and moves her body to look who's behind . Then she turns back , she stops breathing hard, girl notices small stone post and a small box on it. She silently asks herself

Miyuki : ...what is that ?

She slowly puts her hands over the box and tries to open it. But it's no use. Then she tries to find a lock, but there's nothing similar to a lock. Only few symbols she never saw in her life. Looking around the box Miyuki tries to open it again, but this time harder.

Miyuki : Uhh... come on... open up !

By saying those words box suddenly opens and Miyuki falls back covering her eyes from the light coming from inside of the box. Miyuki tries to look through her hands, but light is too strong. Tomb starts shaking .Dig team outside felt it and so they noticed strong light coming right from the Ashumi Tomb entrance and other ruin gaps where tomb is located. Before team can realize Satoshi is still there, tomb collapses to the ground. After few moments Miyuki opens her eyes and sees the sky with many stars. She has a green necklace on her neck. She quietly says.

Miyuki : Dad ?

All of a sudden grown up Miyuki wakes up in her bed and sits over it. She's all sweating and breathing fast.

Miyuki : Uh...this nightmare again...

She rises her hand and grabs green necklace on her neck and looking at is asks herself.

Miyuki : ...what happened that night...?

Miyuki walks from the bed in bathrobe to a bookcase in the right near a room wall. She picks up an old book. "Diary" is written on the cover. Miyuki opens it and steps many pages.

Miyuki : ...long time no see... time to write something for you...

Miyuki picks blue pen , sits one the bed and starts writing


Dear diary,

Hi... sorry for not writing for a long time. I'm eighteen now. I lived with my uncle till sixteen, when I decided to return to Ashumi village , I'm living alone in a small house. It's located in the south corner of the village. What happened ? ...something I never wanted to... my dad dead in Ashumi's tomb accident that night. I don't know what happened exactly, but tomb collapsed. And I woke up outside of it...somehow, I wasn't hurt, not even a scratch. It is odd...but I had a green necklace on my neck after I woke up. I still have it. But I feel something strange about it, lately I feel cold coming from it and I feel like it wants to say something... I must be crazy...


Next time : Chapter 2 : New Life


p.s. this is a full remake of my story's first chapter. It was , heh, like 20 times shorter . Now with some experience I will make it better. There will be more chapters, it will be more detailed. More side stories and side characters. I will focus more on characters life details - their characteristics, emotions, area details. Of course it will follow the existing chapters too, but some things might be changed =] All Rime-ku chapters will be added to this thread. There won't be separated threads. One chapter a week. I hope someone will enjoy this =]
 
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Sin

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Ok Im confused...so But IM STILL YOUR SECOND BIGGIST FAN! (i would be the first but Hazure already bagged that spot)
 

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Chapter 2 - New Life​

10.14 AM. Miyuki is sleeping in her bed on her belly with head laid on the pillow , while outside, birds are flying and twittering under the morning sun. Then few moments later alarm-clock sound appeared and Miyuki woke up .

Miyuki : Ugh... damn clock.


She slowly moved her arm towards small table near the bed where clock is ringing. By moving her hand over the table Miyuki tried to to find ringing clock. But instead she accidentally dropped it down on the ground. Clock was still annoyingly ringing.


Miyuki : Uhhh...


Miyuki slowly sit on her bed . She's still sleepy. Her eyes were half closed. She rubbed them and stand up out of the bed in nightdress while picking up clock and turning it off. Miyuki turned her sleepy eyes at the window noticing great weather outside.

Miyuki : -____- *sigh*, another boring day...

Right after she took clothes from the wardrobe and went to the bathroom.

Meanwhile outside. Near Miyuki's house on the bench under the tree. Some guy was sitting. He has brown hair and blue eyes, he wears white jacket with green T-shirt under it, pants are long and bright black, shoes are white. He has small golding bracelet with symbols on his left arm .

Unknown ( thought ) : She's late for two hours already... tch...and she said not to wake her up...

Few seconds later Miyuki opened house doors and walked outside. She locked her doors with the key and walked closer to the guy sitting on the bench smiling. While walking she waved at him

Miyuki : Good Morning !!! Hisashi !!! ^__^

While she's waving Hisashi stand up from the bench and smiled too . Then Hisashi stoped smiling and stared at Miyuki with angry eyes

Hisashi : Well , well , well... morning Miyuki !

Miyuki :
This is my best friend Hisashi Takami. He was visiting this place every summer, since his parents have their own house here. Hisashi moved here to Ashumi one year ago then he turned nineteen. I met him right after he appeared here. Well more likely he met me, he was very annoying back then. He's very kind, nice and funny, but sometimes he acts really stupid. Yesterday he invited me to his house to have breakfast with him today. He must have thought it will be a date... heh.


Miyuki : I'm sorry... It's that nightmare again, I couldn't get a good sleep...


Suddenly Hisashi's angry look turned into a sadder one.
Hisashi : Oh... that nightmare again...sorry...

Miyuki : It's ok, well lets get going then.


Hisashi's face turned happy and they both walked away from Miyuki's house to the North in the street with many village buildings in the left and small park in the right. Few momments later they have reached Hisashi's house. Hisashi takes his key and opens the house doors letting Miyuki walk in first .
Hisashi : Welcome to my house !!!

Miyuki : Ugh... it's not the first time I'm here Hisashi....

While talking Miyuki looked around noticing that everything is clean and in the right place. And she said with surprised voice .

Miyuki : Wow, your place is really clean, is someone coming to visit you ? ( thought ) That must be me...

Hisashi scratched his head with right arm while suddenly turning all hyper

Hisashi : Ehehehe... maybe... Oh , yeah !!! Sit down Miyuki , I will bring tea !!

Then he ran fast into the kitchen, picked metal tea-pot from the kitchen range and poured hot water into both cups. He put back tea-pot and put few herbs into both cups, turning water green. He quickly picked them and walked back to the room putting both cups on the table asking.

Hisashi : Green tea as you like ! Would you like some desert ?

Miyuki sitting on the chair stared at Hisashi surprised

Miyuki : ...umm... sure.

Hisashi quickly ran back to the kitchen, opened small fridge and took out two small plates with curd-desert on them. Came back, placed them on table and sit on the chair in front of Miyuki.

Hisashi : Hope you like it. Enjoy =]

Miyuki : Thanks !

Miyuki tasted some tea and some desert while noticing dreamy Hisashi staring at her.

Miyuki : That's really tasty ! ...mmm , Hisashi ?! Aren't you going to eat ?

Hisashi : Oww . I will !

He picked tea cup and drank it fast while turning all red

Miyuki : <__< the tea is hot you stupid...

Hisashi swallowed and shouted back

Hisashi : ...I like it hot !
.
Miyuki : Yeah right...

A moment later they both ended up laughing at each other. Then Hisashi stopped, asking

Hisashi : So, what you are going to do today ?

Miyuki : I thought it's a perfect time to pick some wild strawberrys today from outside the village. Wanna go ?

Hisashi : Sure !!! (thought) : Like I would say no to you...

Miyuki : Great ! Then take your basket and lets go.


As soon as they finished their breakfast, Hisashi took two baskets and they both walked few kilometers from the village reaching the meadow where strawberrys were growing. After walking around Miyuki noticed that most of them were picked already, but then twenty meters away from her...

Hisashi : Miyuki ! Over here ! There's plenty of them !

Miyuki smiled and ran near Hisashi picking strawberrys together

After filling the basket with strawberrys they went deep into the forest to search for some mushrooms. After few hours they came out from the forest with half filled basket of mushrooms. Hisashi was holding heavy strawberry basket and Miyuki the one with mushrooms

Miyuki : We are lucky today ^__^ Thanks for going with me , I wouldn't pick so many without your help

Hisashi : You know I'm always glad to help , Miyuki .


Miyuki looked at the sky and noticed rain clouds. But clouds did not cover the sun yet.

Miyuki : Hmmhh... we should go , if we won't hurry , we might end up getting cold !

And so they ran back to the village in Hisashi's house right before heavy rain started. They both spent whole day together, not even noticing that rain stopped. It was pretty late and dark then something odd was happening near the village in the East entrance...

Some man is getting close to the village entrance


Man : Oh finally , I'm really glad that rain stopped...

There was a forest in his right. And man felt like someone is watching him from over the trees. He looked at them and shouted

Man : Who's there !!?? ...Don't play jokes with me !!!

He could only hear leaf rustling from the wind. Looking at the forest for few moments he continued walking...but all of a sudden roaring dark creature with four legs, long tail and red glowing eyes jumped from the forest near the man

Creature : Grrrraarrr !!!

Man shouted from the fear then two times bigger creature knocked him down.

Man : Help !!!

Man was driven into a deeper fear then creature answered.

Creature : No need to be afraid human... you won't feel any pain, I just want your soul...

Man was so so shocked , that he couldn't even say a word. Creature opened his mouth with two longer teeth and suddenly men's body was surrounded by dark cloud like energy. Then creature said .

Creature : Teiku...

And small bright light bubble appeared from men's body floating in the air over him. Creature caught it and swallowed
Creature : Ghh... disgusting... weak... I need more...

Creature looked towards the village and his eyes glowed a bit stronger for a second and it disappeared .

Meanwhile Hisashi and Miyuki were playing mahjong.


Miyuki : I win !!!

Hisashi : <__< yeah...


Suddenly Miyuki's felt cold and her eyes opened wide before she appeared in some kind of dream where womens bright silhouette with wings was standing in front of her .

Miyuki ( thought ) : ...where am I ?

All the surroundings are cloud like , but she can walk on them. She slowly stepped near silhouette and tried to touch it . But her arm gone right through it and she heard womens voice

Voice : ...it's almost time Miyuki...

Miyuki ( thought ) : What ?


In seconds all clouds disappeared and Miyuki started falling. Then silhouette grabbed her hand and bright light covered the place with Miyuki waking up from the short dream. She saw worried Hisashi in front of her asking

Hisashi : ...Miyuki ? Is everything alright ?

Miyuki ( thought ) : This...cold, where is it coming from ?

Hisashi : Miyuki ? What's wrong ?

Miyuki : Uh, I don't feel so good , I must go home...


Miyuki ran near doors. While Hisashi followed her shouting .

Hisashi : Wait ! I will lead you ! ( thought ) : What's wrong with her ?

Soon they left their house, Hisashi put his white jacket on her and embraced her closer to him .

Hisashi ( thought ) : ...damn shes all trembling .


Miyuki whispered quietly

Miyuki : It's so cold...

And suddenly they both stopped while slowly turning back and noticing creature with red glowing eyes standing ten meters away from them.
Creature jumped fast in air and appeared two meters near them with wide open mouth...

Creature : Grrrr...

Next time : Chapter 3 : Taking your souls away

Other info :
*Teiku - jap. "take" , ability to take away victims soul.

Miyuki

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Riku..

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Lol, why not just post it in a new thread (chapter 2)?

Oh, and at the first chapter:

Very nice ^^. Much better than the first one. But the parts in between the text like:

"Sound disappears when she looks back. Girl hugs her doll Karu tight with her both hands and continues walking till she reaches dark room with light coming from the right corner. Miyuki walks closer and repeats."

Idk why, but it just sounds weird lol, there's something a little off about the way those parts are written, maybe it's just me, but I'll see if I can find out what it is. xd
 

Kazamori

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Lol, why not just post it in a new thread (chapter 2)?

Oh, and at the first chapter:

Very nice ^^. Much better than the first one. But the parts in between the text like:

"Sound disappears when she looks back. Girl hugs her doll Karu tight with her both hands and continues walking till she reaches dark room with light coming from the right corner. Miyuki walks closer and repeats."

Idk why, but it just sounds weird lol, there's something a little off about the way those parts are written, maybe it's just me, but I'll see if I can find out what it is. xd
Eh, no point to put it in separated threads =] Thanks. Yeah, I know , I had hard time writing this. lol, I'm not from UK after all xD hah . But sounds pretty fine to me... don't know =\
 

Riku..

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Eh, no point to put it in separated threads =] Thanks. Yeah, I know , I had hard time writing this. lol, I'm not from UK after all xD hah . But sounds pretty fine to me... don't know =\
Yeah, don't get me wrong, it's really good. Just those parts.... idk lol. I think I'm just being a jerk. xd
 
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