Destruction Of Konoha

[Daemon]

Destruction Of Konoha

Minato is training at Chunin Exam Stadium. Then a loud Bang Occurs. It is the Akatsuki Getting ready to attack Konoha.


Pein: This is it this is the day Konoha Falls

Konan: Are you sure we are supposed to be doing this? It?s against what Madara assigned us to do.

Pein: I don?t care he doesn?t control me anymore

Konan: ?..

*The other 5 paths appear beside Pein*

Pein: Its time to move out. You Know our plan we tear Konoha to Shreds until we find that Jinjuriki At all costs! Anyone that gets in our way kill them

*the Akastuki split up*

Sasori: Deidra, We start at the center of Konoha.

Deidra: Hmm. Don?t get to riled up Sasori. We even haven?t Began killing yet that Is when the fun begins.

* Back at the Akatsuki Hideout*

Zestu: Pein seems to have defied you Madara

Madara: Let him do what he wants.

Zestu: he has planned to capture the Nine-Tailed Fox.

Madara: Let him! He is going to die trying. He?s just my little pawn that I manipulate. He Won?t live for long.

Zestu: Are you sure, Madara?

Madara: Zestu, go spy on them and report back to me. I need to work on the moon?s eye plan!

End

What is Madara?s Moon?s Eye Plan. Will Konoha survive

 

[-Damon-]

Kind of Short but seems ok ^_^

 

[Daemon]

Kind of Short but seems ok ^_^

It's going to be alot longer

 

[HiddenShadowNinja]

Destruction Of Konoha

Minato is training at Chunin Exam Stadium. Then a loud Bang Occurs. It is the Akatsuki Getting ready to attack Konoha.


Pein: This is it this is the day Konoha Falls

Konan: Are you sure we are supposed to be doing this? It?s against what Madara assigned us to do.

Pein: I don?t care he doesn?t control me anymore

Konan: ?..

*The other 5 paths appear beside Pein*

Pein: Its time to move out. You Know our plan we tear Konoha to Shreds until we find that Jinjuriki At all costs! Anyone that gets in our way kill them

*the Akastuki split up*

Sasori: Deidra, We start at the center of Konoha.

Deidra: Hmm. Don?t get to riled up Sasori. We even haven?t Began killing yet that Is when the fun begins.

* Back at the Akatsuki Hideout*

Zestu: Pein seems to have defied you Madara

Madara: Let him do what he wants.

Zestu: he has planned to capture the Nine-Tailed Fox.

Madara: Let him! He is going to die trying. He?s just my little pawn that I manipulate. He Won?t live for long.

Zestu: Are you sure, Madara?

Madara: Zestu, go spy on them and report back to me. I need to work on the moon?s eye plan!

End

What is Madara?s Moon?s Eye Plan. Will Konoha survive

Hmm...not bad.

Though, I'd change this line......

"This is it this is the day Konoha Falls"

By either putting an exlamation point after "This is it" to make it.....

"This is it! This is the day Konoha falls...."

Or by shotening it to.....

"This day.....Konoha will fall"


Also, this line seems a bit wordy....

"Konan: Are you sure we are supposed to be doing this? It’s against what Madara assigned us to do."

maybe just make it "Are you sure? It's against orders...."

And you may want to avoid using the name Madara, as thats not confirmed yet.

But it seems pretty good so far.

 

[Hazure]

yeah i agree with HiddenShadowNinja. he helped me with mine so listen to his advice!^^

its got a nice plot to it to! i hope it goes for more than a couple of chapters!