[Adventure] Crow in the Shadows: The Mission

~Uzumaki~

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Damn its good to be back writing. The sudden return of NB's greatest writer to the base(sadly, not to writing :( ) has inspired to me to post something new. This is a new story which I haven't worked out all the kinks yet, just going with the flow. Hope you guys like it cuz it doesnt start out with much action in this chapter :( Please read and enjoy! =D




The moon shone brightly on this cold night and a chilly breeze swayed the lush green grass that blanketed the terrain for as far as the eye could see. These were the outskirts of the small settlement known as Kusagakure. Here nature blossomed, humans were scarce and at night, the grassy terrain buzzed with the soothing melody of crickets and other creatures of the night, the beautiful moonlight transforming the scene from merely picturesque into a work of art.

Far off in the distance, a watchtower rose up against the night sky. It was a tall structure with a small compartment on top which was manned by shinobi, their singular duty being to look out for any possible invaders. Stationed at this watch point was a team of four Kusa shinobi. A small lantern provided light for these ninjas but its illumination was feeble and dull as the atmosphere in the tower.

With a blade of grass caught between his teeth and a lazy gleam in his brown eyes, one of them- tawny haired and broad faced with a large build which he hid behind the standard Kusagakure shinobi attire- leaned against the wall in one of the towers.

Three other shinobi were in the tower; one, with a lanky frame and short spiky black hair, surveyed the terrain from time to time with a set of binoculars. The two others, one raven haired and the other blonde, both rather short but with average build and similar attire as their companions, were crouched on the floor playing cards.

“Man, this is boring.” groaned one of the card players, the blonde.

“It’s watch duty, of course its dull.” said his raven haired opponent with a yawn.

“Stop your whining you two.” said the one who leaned against the wall. “You should be proud to serve your-”

“Yes, yes, Captain Maki.” interrupted the raven haired one.

“What’s that?” asked the one who handled the binoculars, peering at the landscape through the instrument.

The others moved towards him. They looked into the expanse and at once, they saw a great number of birds, crows by their black feathers and distant dreary cries, hovering over a spot on the grassy plains.

“Crows? Probably something died.” said the blonde amongst them.

“And attracted more than fifty of those things?” asked Captain Maki mockingly. “I’ll go check it out.”

With that said, the Captain leaped towards the gathering of birds. The chilly air stung his skin as he raced towards the crows and he arrived at their location in about a minute. Their gloomy cries were louder now that he was in close proximity and he fully comprehended their great number; some were perched on the grass but most flying low over the plains. Maki strolled cautiously amongst them, arming himself with a kunai despite no observable treat. He was moving towards the centre of the gathering, where the morbid creatures were most concentrated.

They scattered on his approach and he saw, his eyes widened with shock, a small boy sprawled on the grass where the birds had vacated. The boy was dressed in shinobi outfit which comprised on a brown jacket donned over a short sleeved high collared shirt; it sort of resembled an ANBU uniform. His face was turned away from Maki and his bangs spread over his forehead protector. I better check which village he’s from. thought Maki as he moved to check his headband.

His hand waved the hair off the metal plating and there, gleaming in the moonlight, was the symbol of Konohagakure. “Konoha!” exclaimed Maki. No sooner had the words left his mouth that the boy, who Maki had presumed to be dead, opened his eyes revealing a pair of Sharingan. Maki’s eyes met with the child’s.

Return to your men and tell them there’s nothing here.

The instruction was not verbally given but was spoken directly to Maki’s mind via the hypnotic power of the Sharingan. Maki nodded stolidly.

Incapacitate them and yourself with this.

The boy handed Maki a small yellow ball. Maki nodded again and immediately headed back to the watchtower, leaving the congregation of crows, the grim cacophony of death they sung and the young Uchiha amongst them.


00000​

There was, in an empty corridor inside the Hokage Office Building, an old man dressed in a long black cloth which ran from his shoulders down to his feet where it dragged on the floor. It was an attire which was tied at the waist and opened at the left side of his upper body, revealing the inner white robe he wore and allowing him a free hand with which to handle his plain wooden cane. The elder’s head bristled with short and spiky jet black hair, and his heavily wrinkled face was decorated with bandages around his forehead and covering his right eye as well as a cross shaped scar on his chin

Danzo trotted forward with quick strides, his hurry evidenced by the fast paced knocking of his cane against the wooden floorboards, his usual indifferent expression tinged with fury. It wasn’t long before the Konoha elder arrived at the office of the Hokage and barged in without knocking.

The pipe nearly fell from the wrinkled lips of Hiruzen as he let out a gasp of shock at the abrupt intrusion. The old man upon realizing it was Danzo, immediately contorted his drooping face into a hardened expression that might have frightened lesser men, as he alighted from behind his desk and sauntered towards his unexpected guest, stopping just a few inches in front of him.

The moonlight from the large window of this spacious office fell upon Hiruzen. The Third Hokage’s small stature was well hidden by the rather voluminous Hokage garb he had donned. His eyes, glaring coldly at Danzo, were cloaked under the shadow of his broad hat and his face was marred with many wrinkles and a few warts, a small white goatee hanging off his chin. Shifting his long pipe to the side of his mouth, Sarutobi Hiruzen’s spoke in a cracked voice, “What is the meaning of this?”

“I heard you sent one of your ANBU operatives to investigate the rumors of the Kusagakure affair.” said Danzo, his tone even but with a subdued anger twinkling in his visible yet dimmed left eye.

There was a silence for a brief period of time then Hiruzen sighed and spoke, “I don’t see how the movements of my personal soldiers are any of your business. How do you even know-“

“How do I know that you entrusted an important Konoha matter into the hands of a twelve year old boy?” interrupted Danzo in the same flat tone.

“Uchiha Itachi is one of our finest operatives. He has-“

“Barely two years of experience in ANBU.” interjected Danzo.

“And has proved himself one of the finest shinobi I’ve ever seen.” countered Hiruzen.

“I know that the skill of ANBU under your command has become rather pitiful since the reign of the Second,” said Danzo, “but I feel you at least should have a more experienced and more powerful shinobi to handle such a delicate assignment.”

Hiruzen frowned. “Danzo, we both know your real problem with Itachi is the fact that he is an Uchiha. As for the standard of ANBU, I reckon even Niidame-sama would be impressed with Itachi’s competence.”

There followed a tense silence before Danzo replied. “This has little to do with your foolishness in letting one of them into the ANBU.”

“Goodnight Danzo, I will not indulge your prejudice tonight. It is getting late and Ichiraku won’t remain open for long. I promised to treat Naruto to the best ramen in Konoha.”

Danzo stared silently a Hiruzen for a moment before turning sharply and exiting slowly through the door. “I will be monitoring things closely. If the boy gives me any reason to question his ability to fulfill the mission, know that my operatives will step into the matter.” said Danzo. He strolled away, turned at a corridor and vanished from sight, leaving his old rival to ponder upon his vague treat.


00000​

“Captain Maki, what’s wrong?” asked one of the Kusa shinobi. Maki had hurried back to them, promptly told them that there was nothing to worry about, that a large bear had simply died on the grass and attracted the crows. However, their usually stern and glum Captain was smiling quite unnaturally and his hand was balled up into a fist for no reason.

“Captain, I didn’t see a bear. Are you sure-“

BOOM!

Something dropped from Maki’s hand and the air was filled with a thick yellow fog. As the gas flooded their lungs, their lids became heavy over their eyes and they all collapsed in moments. The gas escaped from the top of the tower and could be visibly seen rising towards the cloudless sky from a good distance away.

Far off, in the dark shadows of several black crows, crouched beneath the tall grasses, Uchiha Itachi observed the fulfillment of his illusionary command. Seeing the wisps of yellow smoke issuing skywards from the tower, the Uchiha immediately bounded off into Kusagakure, his entry assisted by one of the very guards stationed to protect it.


To Be Continued
 
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Germanicus

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Brillant. You still improve i saw no real grammatical mistakes, and the only paragraph which was questionable is that the first paragraph about the watch tower. You were a bit repetitive about saying it was manned with shinobi. Review that paragraph. Otherwise, excellent my friend.

I can't believe people here ignore writing like this. They fawn over the sub par writing of the manga, yet this goes unnoticed. Typical.
 
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~Uzumaki~

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Brillant. You still improve i saw no real grammatical mistakes, and the only paragraph which was questionable is that the first paragraph about the watch tower. You were a bit repetitive about saying it was manned with shinobi. Review that paragraph. Otherwise, excellent my friend.

I can't believe people here ignore writing like this. They fawn over the sub par writing of the manga, yet this goes unnoticed. Typical.
Well, NB's fanfiction section is not what it used to be. Thank you my friend. Your comment is worth more than most. I can only hope for better as the story progresses.
 

pandu

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Yay :hyper: uzumaki 16's back again :yay: I missed your writing man *_*
So is this about the itachi's life alone or do you plan to concentrate on other chars as well(just a one line summary will suffice.PM me if you feel like you're giving away important plot content ;))
OT that was a great chap(knowing you I wouldn't expect any less) and BTW I hate danzo :devil:
 

~Uzumaki~

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Yay :hyper: uzumaki 16's back again :yay: I missed your writing man *_*
So is this about the itachi's life alone or do you plan to concentrate on other chars as well(just a one line summary will suffice.PM me if you feel like you're giving away important plot content ;))
OT that was a great chap(knowing you I wouldn't expect any less) and BTW I hate danzo :devil:
No one likes Danzo lol. I'll involve as many as I can. Notice how Naruto was mentioned? *wink* thanks for reading!
 

Reborn

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You've definitely gotten better with your description and detail of your works, based on your first Fanfictions that I've read. I haven't read much of your work nor do I remember your earlier ones too well so I can't give that reliable of an improvement evaluation with comparisons to your other work but that's not too important.

You're such a fanboy, I see works concerning Minato from you and now with Itachi :rolleyes: anyway this seems like an interesting prequel series in the making. I have two base predictions of how this story is to turn out. It's either going to be a story leading up to the Uchiha genocide or be an unrelated story all together that is to display the life of Itachi before he left the village, through this specific event concerning Kusagakure.

I feel from your experience in actual Naruto fanfiction that you've become one of the better members here who can accurately capture the true personalities and traits of the canon characters. Just coming back to reading Fanfictions, a couple of Naruto based ones at that, and I can say this with a fair level of certainty.

Though one thing I do have a problem with that I see is your repetitive pausing in mid sentence to give added imagery in order to express a more dramatic event. You do that a lot to add emphasis but it becomes lazy and tiring after a while and it loses it's meaning and just becomes overly dramatic. Though you've gotten better at describing things, you lay it on way to thick. You tend to spiral off and go on unnecessary tangents just trying to describe minute things that doesn't add anything to the overall story or plot. As the reader is going through the story they'll get to a paragraph or two that doesn't really convey much about the story and they're just getting bored. One instance was when Danzo entered in on Hiruzen. WAY too long of a description of the Hiruzen's reaction to the sudden burst. The story doesn't progress well when you do that.
 
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~Uzumaki~

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You've definitely gotten better with your description and detail of your works, based on your first Fanfictions that I've read. I haven't read much of your work nor do I remember your earlier ones too well so I can't give that reliable of an improvement evaluation with comparisons to your other work but that's not too important.

You're such a fanboy, I see works concerning Minato from you and now with Itachi :rolleyes: anyway this seems like an interesting prequel series in the making. I have two base predictions of how this story is to turn out. It's either going to be a story leading up to the Uchiha genocide or be an unrelated story all together that is to display the life of Itachi before he left the village, through this specific event concerning Kusagakure.

I feel from your experience in actual Naruto fanfiction that you've become one of the better members here who can accurately capture the true personalities and traits of the canon characters. Just coming back to reading Fanfictions, a couple of Naruto based ones at that, and I can say this with a fair level of certainty.

Though one thing I do have a problem with that I see is your repetitive pausing in mid sentence to give added imagery in order to express a more dramatic event. You do that a lot to add emphasis but it becomes lazy and tiring after a while and it loses it's meaning and just becomes overly dramatic. Though you've gotten better at describing things, you lay it on way to thick. You tend to spiral off and go on unnecessary tangents just trying to describe minute things that doesn't add anything to the overall story or plot. As the reader is going through the story they'll get to a paragraph or two that doesn't really convey much about the story and they're just getting bored. One instance was when Danzo entered in on Hiruzen. WAY too long of a description of the Hiruzen's reaction to the sudden burst. The story doesn't progress well when you do that.
Yeah, haha. I tend to do that lol. I guess I enjoy description way too much, will try to tone it down to something more concise. Thanks for the tip Shouhen ^_^ and thanks for reading!

Great job, just awesome as expected from you.
Thanks for reading man!
 

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This is very well written and I enjoyed it. But there are a couple things that could be worked on, and I think Shouhen did a great job of describing them above. Still, as a bit of a supplement, remember ?

Aside from that, there are a few very minor things to watch out for; such as repeating the same word in a close proximity to another use (in the first paragraph, you said 'night' three times), and small plot inconsisities (you only mentioned one tower, but then say someone was leaning against the wall in 'one of the towers', plural). Again, these are very minor and I fall victim to similar issues myself (for some reason, I have a lot of trouble catching mistakes in my own writing; for example, occasionally I will leave a word out of a sentence by mistake, and never notice when proofreading).
 
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Sir Aaron

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Uzu, very well done. Personally, I thought the amount of description flowed nicely, as it conributed from the story rather than taking away from it. I also think it's part of your writin style, and rightfully suits you. Now, beside that, the story is interesting. I will be happy to read more of this.

5/5
 

~Uzumaki~

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Awesome can't wait for next chapter. I really like your style of writing, thanks for sharing.
thanks fo reading man!

This is very well written and I enjoyed it. But there are a couple things that could be worked on, and I think Shouhen did a great job of describing them above. Still, as a bit of a supplement, remember ?

Aside from that, there are a few very minor things to watch out for; such as repeating the same word in a close proximity to another use (in the first paragraph, you said 'night' three times), and small plot inconsisities (you only mentioned one tower, but then say someone was leaning against the wall in 'one of the towers', plural). Again, these are very minor and I fall victim to similar issues myself (for some reason, I have a lot of trouble catching mistakes in my own writing; for example, occasionally I will leave a word out of a sentence by mistake, and never notice when proofreading).
Proofreading is not my strong point haha. Thanks for reading and crit.

Uzu, very well done. Personally, I thought the amount of description flowed nicely, as it conributed from the story rather than taking away from it. I also think it's part of your writin style, and rightfully suits you. Now, beside that, the story is interesting. I will be happy to read more of this.

5/5
wow, thanks man, and congrats on your award. ^_^
 

Kuroi Honoo

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I’m not sure so I won’t say factually but if I was the inspiration for this new FF than I’m honored and elated for you! ;)

You really did not have to feel bad about the lacking of fighting scenes as this is only the first chapter thus preferably the writer would rather establish character development over anything else so you’re doing just fine ;) I like that you chose Kusagakure as your first setting as I’ve always been fascinated by this country in which Kishimoto has rarely attended to -_- I love that you’re detailing this mysterious land and its a great feat with the little facts given ^^ I was shocked as I didn’t think you’d write about a younger Itachi. However, I absolutely loved how you depicted this younger version of Itachi and again, you know just how to orchestrate these Naruto characters like Kishimoto does. I also loved your detailing of each character. I liked Hiruzen’s quote about how Danzou did not like Itachi due to him being an Uchiha and this directly correlates to Danzou and the Uchiha massacre as well as his desire to rule over Konoha. This was a phenomenally written and descriptive chapter. I love how this plot is gradually forming and I can’t wait for the next chapter! =D
 

~Uzumaki~

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I’m not sure so I won’t say factually but if I was the inspiration for this new FF than I’m honored and elated for you! ;)

You really did not have to feel bad about the lacking of fighting scenes as this is only the first chapter thus preferably the writer would rather establish character development over anything else so you’re doing just fine ;) I like that you chose Kusagakure as your first setting as I’ve always been fascinated by this country in which Kishimoto has rarely attended to -_- I love that you’re detailing this mysterious land and its a great feat with the little facts given ^^ I was shocked as I didn’t think you’d write about a younger Itachi. However, I absolutely loved how you depicted this younger version of Itachi and again, you know just how to orchestrate these Naruto characters like Kishimoto does. I also loved your detailing of each character. I liked Hiruzen’s quote about how Danzou did not like Itachi due to him being an Uchiha and this directly correlates to Danzou and the Uchiha massacre as well as his desire to rule over Konoha. This was a phenomenally written and descriptive chapter. I love how this plot is gradually forming and I can’t wait for the next chapter! =D
It was actually the first guy who replied to this chap . I basically learnt description from him. Though I really should honor the person who introduced me to fanfiction with a chap haha.

Yeah, this story sorta slowly builds up to the massacre so I chipped in a lil' Danzo. And thank you for the compliment, I TRY to mimic Kishi the best I can haha. Thank you for reading and bearing with the no action, it lasts only for the first few chaps.
 
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