Friend?

[Grim]

I've never thought it would come to this but I feel like I might get some good advice from you guys :bouncy:

Here's the thing. December 17'th I moved into a new apartment with friend of mine who was going through hard brake up. ''girlfriend's visa expired and she's back in Taiwan'' He didn't have work ''7 months before we moved in'' but I expected him to find one and paid for him until he would get a job.

March 29th last friday up to this day he couldn't managed to find a job.... I've provided him with rent money, food and everything else. Now everything has it's limits and you can't make one's life so comfortable ... He has no motivation and is full of lies ''i've been serching for work'' I heard once a day, meanwhile all of my friends have work and people I've met who just arrived to sydney managed to find work in 48h

I moved out and found a new place with my other friends BUT!? should I feel any guilt that my buddy now is homeless? Is it my fault or is there something else I should have done?

What should I do? He owns me over 4,000$ and nor me or our friends know what to do... because he doesn't even ask for help... it's like he lost all hope and doesn't want to do anything.. just lives his day hour after hour and doesn't think about tomorrow. He has this dream to run bussiness and told me that he doesn't want to work under someone, he wants to be boss..BITCHPLEASE!!! :devil:

 

[YowYan]

No, you shouldn't feel any guilt. A true friend wouldn't be leeching onto you, financially.

 

[Grim]

No, you shouldn't feel any guilt. A true friend wouldn't be leeching onto you, financially.

I made his life easy and he got used to it... I didn't push hard enough? he lost all motivation and now the valve is closed.

 

[Strawberry]

youve done your best to help him you cant live his life for him

 

[YowYan]

I made his life easy and he got used to it... I didn't push hard enough? he lost all motivation and now the valve is closed.

You should have refrained from paying his rent to begin with though.. Those things always attract future problems :/

 

[GwemBaba]

<div class="bbWrapper">You were too good of a friend to this guy.</div>

 

[YokoKurama]

<div class="bbWrapper">Well I wouldn't say it was your fault at all. It seems obvious that he wanted someone to take care of him. It also seems like he could have found a job but didn't really want a job. It is also his own fault that he is in the situation that he is in. You probably will never get that money back either. There is nothing wrong with helping out a friend but you have to draw a line in the sand at some point in time or else they take advantage of you. I know you may feel bad but there really wasn't anything else you could do but leave the place that you were in. It's not your place to take care of someone who should be able to provide for himself. Also, what kind of friend lies to your face and doesn't show any remorse? I hope things get better.</div>

 

[Sabuto Hayashi]

You shouldn't feel guilty, since 4,000$ is a lot to hand out. You've done as much as you can do for him, so don't let him take advantage of that any more.

I think he's been taking it too easy because you were there to give him everything he needed; money, shelter, and food. Now that you've left him on his own, reality should set in. He'll realize that he needs to find himself a job, or he's as good as dead.

If he ever wants to set up his own business, then he'll need to snap out of his lazy attitude if he wants it to succeed.

This might sound a bit harsh, but don't bother lending him anything else. I know he's your friend and all, but it's about time he became independent. You can help and give advice to him about finding work, but that's about it.

 

[nanacha]

you were so nice to him you shouldn't feel guilty at all ,he is the one who should be ashamed to took your money like that without even thinking of repaying you

 

[Grim]

Hard to quote all of you but you're all pretty much on same page. Same was told by our common friends, indeed you had over 4 months to find a job.... and it's not that he didn't figure it out that it will end one day. But why there are people like that? When we did farm days he was one of the best workers... spirit broke down

You should have refrained from paying his rent to begin with though.. Those things always attract future problems :/

that's what bothers me, he also owns 5,000 to his ex girl and 1,000$ to a hostel

but one ****ED UP THING. we met a guy few days ago, he had flower shaped eyes and he talks about spirituality. He's well dressed, has money but lives on the street, enjoyes free food for hobos and talks about it as '' i love it'' happyest person of us all. Speaks alot about how people will change and shit like that, he spoke so much weird stuff but then told my ex-room mate that I see you have worst days in your life, I will help you with job.. I can't describe how rest of us reacted. defaq jsut happened HOW?

 

[YowYan]

Hard to quote all of you but you're all pretty much on same page. Same was told by our common friends, indeed you had over 4 months to find a job.... and it's not that he didn't figure it out that it will end one day. But why there are people like that? When we did farm days he was one of the best workers... spirit broke down




that's what bothers me, he also owns 5,000 to his ex girl and 1,000$ to a hostel

but one ****ED UP THING. we met a guy few days ago, he had flower shaped eyes and he talks about spirituality. He's well dressed, has money but lives on the street, enjoyes free food for hobos and talks about it as '' i love it'' happyest person of us all. Speaks alot about how people will change and shit like that, he spoke so much weird stuff but then told my ex-room mate that I see you have worst days in your life, I will help you with job.. I can't describe how rest of us reacted. defaq jsut happened HOW?

huh..very interesting person 0_0

 

[Space Cowboy]

When people get depressed there just isnt much motivation in their life to do much of anything. They just dont care enough. Thats the true root of the issue. He needs to get that resolved before anything else or hes likely to get discouraged very quickly

 

[Wang]

You did the right thing, you shouldn't feel guilty, & I doubt you're getting that money back

 

[Husky]

Sorry to hear about this Grim. I gotta ask though, is this guy a best friend or to quote from the movie Ted, a thunder buddy; or is he a friend that has taken advantage of others generosity and needs to be kicked out onto the curb? I ask because, personally for me I actually would stick with people who I consider bff's, even if it comes at a cost. Still, from the looks of it, it seems like you've done all the necessary steps to help himself get situated (albeit it's not working) in life. At this point, he has to find his own calling in life, where you can of course help when needed, but have to allow for him to find his own answers. As for the feelings of regret, well that comes with the territory. If you're asking if it's natural to feel regret, then the answer is yes. We all feel a certain measure of regret for most of our actions, and this is no exception. You simply have to carry that, and understand that you'll live.

 

[Grim]

huh..very interesting person 0_0

indeed, but little crazy at times. Because I don't understand him... without reading a book alchemist he's life story is IT

When people get depressed there just isnt much motivation in their life to do much of anything. They just dont care enough. Thats the true root of the issue. He needs to get that resolved before anything else or hes likely to get discouraged very quickly

Best motivator in my life always been a girl, love, relationship... it boosted me up.. he had this, very good girl... yet he feeded on her for a past year. I think he needs an psychiatrist.... should I give up on him?

Sorry to hear about this Grim. I gotta ask though, is this guy a best friend or to quote from the movie Ted, a thunder buddy; or is he a friend that has taken advantage of others generosity and needs to be kicked out onto the curb? I ask because, personally for me I actually would stick with people who I consider bff's, even if it comes at a cost. Still, from the looks of it, it seems like you've done all the necessary steps to help himself get situated (albeit it's not working) in life. At this point, he has to find his own calling in life, where you can of course help when needed, but have to allow for him to find his own answers. As for the feelings of regret, well that comes with the territory. If you're asking if it's natural to feel regret, then the answer is yes. We all feel a certain measure of regret for most of our actions, and this is no exception. You simply have to carry that, and understand that you'll live.

not a best friend, far from it actually. With best mates I see on weekends with him I go thrue my workdays. lol it sounds weird doesn't it? He's child hood friend of my BFF and we lived thrue some good times in Australia he become close to me as a good friend.

 

[Space Cowboy]

indeed, but little crazy at times. Because I don't understand him... without reading a book alchemist he's life story is IT




Best motivator in my life always been a girl, love, relationship... it boosted me up.. he had this, very good girl... yet he feeded on her for a past year. I think he needs an psychiatrist.... should I give up on him?




not a best friend, far from it actually. With best mates I see on weekends with him I go thrue my workdays. lol it sounds weird doesn't it? He's child hood friend of my BFF and we lived thrue some good times in Australia he become close to me as a good friend.

I wouldnt give up on him. Sometimes its hard for someone to keep motivated when they lose someone in their life who they felt they were truly close too. He needs help, and i know youve done a lot for him but getting him to see someone for his issues could go a long way

 

[Blizzàrd1]

Aww damn, never knew so much was going on with you. I think you did the right thing, actually more than right, You should've made it clear with him earlier than lending $4k. But you should definitely move on. I hope it all works out for you man.

 

[Grim]

I wouldnt give up on him. Sometimes its hard for someone to keep motivated when they lose someone in their life who they felt they were truly close too. He needs help, and i know youve done a lot for him but getting him to see someone for his issues could go a long way

I can't help him atm financially anyhow. It cost's me fortune to move into new place and get things organised. I'm also rehabilitatsiooning myself from life in CBD with partying every weekend. I have work, university after work and it seriously effected my life. I just need a free space and relax. Start gfx'ing again to improve and move on.

I can give him advice but no more

Aww damn, never knew so much was going on with you. I think you did the right thing, actually more than right, You should've made it clear with him earlier than lending $4k. But you should definitely move on. I hope it all works out for you man.

thanks buddy, yea...I'm starting new life ''fingers crossed'' I'll be back in opb just need to wait 1 week till we get internet. well... we kinda need furniture as well

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[Pervy Wrath]

Haha, your friend sounds like me, sadly, though I never did anything like that towards a friend. You shouldn't feel sorry, you did a lot for him. But your friend needs to learn how to stand on his own two feet, it seems like. Either that, or he needs a big push into something. It's just a pace that you fall into, which is very hard to get out of. In my experience, you can't just magically get motivation, something your friend is lacking. You need to find that motivation yourself, if it can't find you.

You're a good friend, you have nothing to worry about I would be pissed if a guy lived off me for just a week or two.

 

[-S-]

Lying about looking for work? Sounds like me.

But anyway, you've been an awesome friend to him. If he's really close to you, I'd say motivate him. Help look for jobs and perhaps sit down and talk to him about him as he probably can't think this through on his own. Knock some sense into him ;D He'll take it if he's a true friend.