Naruto Fanfiction Dojutsu Discussion

[IDreamofClouds4817]

I’m writing planning a fanfic which will be pretty detailed, and hopefully I will write a host of spin-offs based on things from the main story. But one thing which I need help with right now is deciding about dojutsu and their limitations.

Give me any suggestions you have for other ideas asides from what I’ve written below, or tell me if you see any flaws in my thinking.

In my story I’m changing a number of the fundamentals from the Naruto universe, simply because I think they either don’t make sense, or I think that I’ve got a better idea.

For Dojutsu I’ve always found that the Byakugan was far too weak in comparison to the Sharingan and Rinnegan. I mean I do understand that it is the best in terms of sight in that one gains long range vision of things they normally couldn’t see and so on. But I’ve decided to change their powers.

The way I want to change things is like so.

The Rinnegan will still be THE original dojutsu, but due to its strength it also comes with a severe lack of stability. What this means is that whenever a rinnegan user has children, they do not get the Rinnegan. Instead they get either the Sharingan or the Byakugan. It is only from the merging of either of these two clans

Between the Sharingan and the Byakugan, the abilities are split in that one deals with what the eye can see, and the other with what the eye cannot.

Byakugan

The Byakugan deals with what the normal eye cannot see. So they can see chakra in all its forms, they can see tenketsu and chakra coils, they can see through objects tissue and bone, and dependent on the user’s chakra control they can cast genjutsu on opponents by manipulating the chakra flow in their bodies via the byakugan.

The byakugan also gained an ability form the rinnegan that allows the user to use the repulsion side of shinra tensei to a smaller degree. We see this in the form of the Air Palm that the Hyuuga utilize, although sometimes due to mutations you might find a Hyuuga with an Air Palm with devastating power, or even the attraction side of shinra tensei.

The Byakugan also allows the user to form chakra made constructs, similar to Susanoo or Hinata’s Lion Fists. However don’t be mistaken, there are next to no Hyuuga who can pull a Susanoo out of their behinds. That’s more to do with the fact that throughout their clan history this is an ability they rarely saw, and thus the fixation of good chakra control for gentle fist led to a clan with a naturally low chakra capacity, meaning that they can’t utilize chakra constructs of Susanoo’s size. However with practice of course, it can be done.

Sharingan

The Sharingan deals with what we can see with the normal human eye. So with the Sharingan the user gains much better visual clarity, photographic memory and the ability to predict movements.
It is key to note that with what I’ve written above, the Sharingan does not give one the ability to use Tsukuyomi, Susanoo, Amaterasu or even copying jutsu. However, that is explained.

The Sharingan is far less stable than the Byakugan, and there a set of specific mutations that occur with the
Sharingan and thus grant those other abilities. (This is what I’ll use to explain the fact that some Mangyeko Sharingan users get abilities that no others have received before, like Shisui and his genjutsu or Obito and his space-time ninjutsu.)

So obviously, more rare mutations are ones like Shisui’s genjutsu. Less rare ones are ones like Susanoo, Amaterasu and Tsukuyomi, although those ones do come as a package. Oh, and generally, similar mutations happen to people who are closely related. So Sasuke and Itachi both got the three above, and in my story they are descendants of Izuna Uchiha, Madara’s brother.

Rinnegan

The Rinnegan is the parent dojutsu of all others, and can be formed from either the joining of the Sharingan and the Byakugan (ie a baby), although this is unlikely because of the impurity of most Uchiha's blood.

Or via Senju DNA being implanted into either a Hyuuga or an Uchiha.

The Rinnegan possesses some of the powers from both the Byakugan and the Sharingan. Rinnegan users can see chakra and chakra coils, but they cannot see tenketsu. They can't see through objects but they do have the ability to cast strong disorienting genjutsu on their opponents.

They will have the ability to use the Six Paths, and they can still utilize kekkai genkai that the bodies they control possess.

Bloodlines

Generally speaking, the purer the bloodline, the stronger the dojutsu. In my story it is for this exact reason that not all Uchiha have the Sharingan, whereas all Hyuuga do.

It’s because the Hyuuga in my story generally marry within the clan (In my story there will be no biological repercussions from in-breeding), whereas the Uchiha are far more open about that. Over the generations this has caused the Sharingan’s strength to diminish, to the point that even if you are capable of getting a Sharingan and you do have one of the above mutations, you still need a massive emotional kick to activate the mutation abilities. Whereas in the Hyuuga, that isn’t necessary.

BTW, if you haven’t figured it out already, the main branch of the Hyuuga in my story are significantly more ‘pure’ than the others, which results in them pretty much always having stronger byakugans.

So yeah, that’s pretty much it. What I asked this question for was for people to give any more suggestions as to what the dojutsu can do, or if you think my idea’s silly tell me why.

PS – I’ll be doing this for several other parts of the Naruto universe including, but not limited to, Senjutsu, Kekkei Genkai, World Scaling/World Map, Clan Jutsu, and Tailed Beasts, so please keep an eye out if you want to help.

 

[Bluedevil]

:yayy: Hmm interesting idea. But subjectively I do not like how you altered the Sharingan. I understand that you think that the Sharingan is overpowered, and it is. But the two eyes are meant to do entirely different things. 1 is meant to specifically gain knowledge, at a long range and the other is meant for close to mid range combat.

The Sharingan's original abilities were a good balance. They could see chakara(not as well as a Hugya) but knew at least what nature they were dealing with. They could copy/remember any regular jitsu, and they can cast low level genjitsu at any time. If you wanted to link the rinnigan into it you could say that the Sharingan has the potential to utilize all the natures, if they copy enough/ train specifically for it.
However the idea that the MS must be a specific mutation and it must be passed down is a great idea. :stfu:But 1 this makes the eyes much more powerful then anything the Byakugan can do. So unless there is a Makengo Byakugan I would say that, since you are changing the naruto verse rules anyway, that there is no MS. In addition if you are going to have a strong link to the Rinnegan then the MS abilities are nowhere close to the same abilities that the can Rinnegan uses. So if you still want an MS then have the abilities have a stronger link to either the Byakugan or Rinnegan.

The Byakugan using genjitsu is a great idea. I always wondered if the Byakugan can see chakara in such detail then shouldn't it be simple enough to disrupt it. If you are going to have a MB level then you can have that attraction, repulsion idea but as I said above the eye has been "bred" for information/ defensive purposes. So I would think that they would have abilities that fallowed that same line of thought. So if they could reactivate chakara and "revive" the dead. Or if they had even more devastating gentle fist... aka use the same ability as Human path.

Sorry that was going to be the end of my post but I just had an idea. If the "BM" can use Human/ Naraka Path, possibly even have a "chakara form" and since it is "pure" there are no additional abilities. Then the MS could enhance the individual abilities in battle. So a version of Asura Path and what ever the genetic mutation there was so .... if the user was adapt at fire ninjitsu then Amaterasu, or if there was something the user wanted to protect then Susanoo, if great at genjitsu then, Tsukuyomi or Kotoamatsukami, ect. That would link the emotional instability.

 

[IDreamofClouds4817]

Firstly, thanks for sitting through all that writing, means a lot.

And now, to the response.

I know where you’re coming from when you talk about the fact that both dojutsu are there for different purposes, and I think you’re right that I should leave them to be specified for their purposes. I think I was just looking for a way to ‘weaponize’ the byakugan since it would make for more badass-erry in the story.

I think I pretty much agree with everything you said, it really seems as if that would all make sense.
But I had an idea about copying jutsu. In my fic I am thinking of making kekkei genkia slightly different. For one, they do still pass on via children, but not in all cases, but also they can all be learnt by other shinobi.

Before you go “NEIN!”, let me explain. The logic I am applying here is that your body is naturally attuned to molding and converting chakra in certain ways. That’s what determines your chakra nature right? So, it would follow that a kekkei genkai such as wood release is simply a case of the users body being naturally pre-determined to be capable of mixing water and earth chakra, in a very specific manner. The reason why I think this would work is because I am assuming that there are a near infinite number of ways to mold and mix chakra, and thus it would be nearly impossible for someone to simply try to mix water and earth, and have it work.

BUT, let’s say someone has a byakugan, and theirs is ‘pure’ enough or strong enough that they can watch the process of chakra being molded in one’s body. Then it should follow that they can essentially copy the kekkei genkai.
And I guess by extension, if someone was immortal and spent their life trying to combine two chakra natures in random ways, they would eventually come across some form of special ability.
What do you think about that?

 

[Bluedevil]

First off thank you for replying to my post.
Well my first thought is that the entire point of a keigenki is that it is genetic. That mixing natures, doesn't just happen that, you needed a specific mutation to utilize these mixtures. For instance, people with brown eyes can not change their eyes to blue no matter how much they "train" to change the color of their eyes. In the example of wood release you are creating and manipulating life energy, not simply mixing chakara natures. This type of mixing suggests a very specific type of mutation and this would explain why hari got it and tombria did not, or for that matter why no one else in his clan recived the ability to combine earth and water to make wood release.

However, if in this other realm others can learn kegi-genki then it stands to reason that people can learn how to activate the Byakugan or Shikotsumyaku (bone release) keigenki. So I would be careful when presenting this case because it can cause alot of tension between what readers already accept and how believable this altered version of naruto is.

On a side note, Im glad you like my ideas and I encourage you to use them if you decide to write this new story down. Please just give me a credit on a side note or at the end of your new story.

 

[IDreamofClouds4817]

Hmmm, ok solid. That makes sense, I think again I'm just getting a bit carried away with having the freedom to shake things up. I'll keep the kekkei genkai genetic, it makes sense.

And of course I'll credit you, its only right since they aren't my own ideas. And as for the Manyegko Byakugan I've decided that yeah, that's a thing now. Not sure if it'll keep that name, but it will be there.

Moving onto another point of contention, I'll be talking about power-ups. Primarily things like Susanoo, Tailed Beasts and Sage Mode.

This is because I feel like sometimes some of them just aren't balanced at all. For example using tailed beasts. What I am thinking of doing for them is having the number of tails they have only dictate the amount of chakra they possess, but not how strong they are.

A better way of explaining this is like so.

When the SageO6P created them from the jyuubi, he simply split its chakra up and put it inside of different bodies. They did not in fact have any skills upon creation. Thus, when they went about growing and doing whatever, they gained their abilities then. Shukaku spent an inordinate amount of time in the desert and thus became adept at using wind and sand. Isobu, being a turtle, spent a large amount of time in water and thus uses water jutsu.

This will apply for all of them simply because I'm not a fan of the ABC logic that Kurama whoops everyone's butt just because he is the nine tails. Obviously, having more chakra is and advantage, but it shouldn't mean that you're the favorite. I mean, Naruto probably had more chakra than Kakashi when he was still weaker than him, but that doesn't mean he could beat him.

Right, I feel like I've gone off track a bit.

All I'm saying is, Naruto will follow this progression.

Normal - Kyuubi Cloak - Sage Mode

There won't be a kyuubi chakra cloak, simply because I think it overpowers the guy. He will be able to use something similar to the extra hands that the cloak provides, but he won't become the fastest thing around since his dad.

So, what I'm asking is do you think its a good idea to slightly nerf Naruto, in order to put him onto a fightable level. In my universe the ultimate power-ups are Tailed Beasts, Sage Mode and Susanoo.

Tailed Beasts - Dependant on the beast will give massive boost to speed, strength, endurance, or jutsu power
Susanoo - Massive increase in defense, and a number of new offense
Sage Mode - Dependent on how you activate it you might get a massive increase in speed, strength or stamina. But regardless you will get a big increase in chakra.

Sorry if all that's a bit muddled, kinda just spewed out.

 

[Bluedevil]

I agree that the tail beast were both over powered and not well defined. I felt that I could not tell when a tail beast power was being applied or when a ninja tech was being applied. So I massively changed the way the tailed beast powers worked. In my own variation of naruto I augmented the abilities of the tailed beast based on the part of the body that they were originally in the 10 tails.

Note: this is not the complete list because I did alot of work on it to balance but here is the gist ...

1 tails- skin (utilize natural chakara to sense area around and react to that)
2 tails- enderquin system (used own bodies chemicals to enhance power and other shnobi's body chemicals to cast powerful genjitsu)
3 tails- blood (blood, floats and has powerful time space properties)
4 tails- chakara gates/system (can combine any natural ninjitsu they know to use any nature "keigenki" and has extreme chakara control)
5 tails- bone (becomes indestructible because of unique white blood cells that are infused with tailed beast chakara)
6 tails- digestive (uses unique jitsu that relies on excrement... sweat, saliva, regurgitation, gastric bubles... even disgusting like pee/poop)
7 tails - nervous system (extreme speed, reaction time, and high long distance sensing)
8 tails- muscle (perfect muscle memory, unique tiejitsu, and extreme strength)
9 tails- chakara (enhances all jitsu to the extreme, recovers quickly, damage to the chakara system does not work (no gentle fist))

I like this list because it has defined what each beast power is and in turn what each beast "grants" each jinkuri they are placed in and of course there are draw backs to utilizing the beast power.... for instance the two tails: you can mix chemicals in your own body to make you not sleep, limit fatigue, make you react faster, resist toxins, enhance strength, ect. however, using this makes you become more of a predator (tailed beast mental influence)and since you are using your own bodies chemicals after using up your own chemicals you are extreme fatigue/ random unique effects because your bodies natural chemicals are unbalanced... can even end up killing yourself if your not careful.

 

[Bluedevil]

In the case of the others....
Susanoo - I still don't understand how an eye tech can produce this. I think it should be a ninjitsu that the Uchia have. That the user must have great chakara shaping abilities and depending how how good they are at shaping this jitsu= there defense/ attacking abilities. This can also be a great reason why other can use a related technique, like the lion fist technique....
Can also be another difference of the Uchia and Hyuga. One can have advanced chakara shaping abilities, the other can have advanced chakara control.

Sage Mode- I personally like the abilities of Sage Mode. You gain High endurance, Def, Attack, extra sensing abilities and extra chakara. But one you must have a high chakara supply to even use it. Then you can't mold it unless your still and it takes a while to do use it. Then it is extremely dangerous to use because if it is not in balance then you can naturalize "petrify" yourself.

 

[IDreamofClouds4817]

Wow. That's really good, it clearly sets out and defines what each beast can do as far as powers, and it doesn't leave much unsaid. I think I'll go with that because its clearly set out, and it makes sure that each beast has a bunch of cool powers, but is not overpowered.

 

[IDreamofClouds4817]

In the case of the others....
Susanoo - I still don't understand how an eye tech can produce this. I think it should be a ninjitsu that the Uchia have. That the user must have great chakara shaping abilities and depending how how good they are at shaping this jitsu= there defense/ attacking abilities. This can also be a great reason why other can use a related technique, like the lion fist technique....
Can also be another difference of the Uchia and Hyuga. One can have advanced chakara shaping abilities, the other can have advanced chakara control.

Sage Mode- I personally like the abilities of Sage Mode. You gain High endurance, Def, Attack, extra sensing abilities and extra chakara. But one you must have a high chakara supply to even use it. Then you can't mold it unless your still and it takes a while to do use it. Then it is extremely dangerous to use because if it is not in balance then you can naturalize "petrify" yourself.

I agree that Sage Mode is already balanced enough as it is, especially since it doesn't make the user unfathomably fast.

As for Susanoo, I do kind of think that yeah how is that made using an eye technique, but at the same time I want it to be something that not all Uchiha can do.

Right now the Hyuuga can do something like that (Lion Fist), so I was thinking to just make Susanoo a mutation of the Sharingan, that runs in Itachi and Sasuke's family in particular. This way, I won't have to worry about Shisui or anyone else getting Susanoo.

 

[OfficialRikudouSennin]

seems ok yeah no?

 

[IDreamofClouds4817]

Something else which I'm thinking about, is specific clan ninjutsu. I have watched the Kyuubi V Konoha fight that they made for the game, and although I can't be certain how much of that got Kishi's backing, I did quite like it.

I think that most major and established clans should have a set of Kinjutsu that are strong enough to let them do some serious damage.

Akimichi Clan - This one's simple enough, Choza has shown the ability to make himself the size of a tailed beast, combine that with Chouji's pills then Choza could have thrown the Kyuubi out of the village. But since its a kinjutsu, he would have to die from that kind of stress on his chakra system.

Aburame Clan - For them I was thinking that they could have some kind of ultimate summon. Not a giant boss one, but like a hoard of flesh eating bugs that absolutely surround and devour their target. But in order to make it a kinjutsu I was thinking it could act more like a suicide technique, in that when activated the bugs will come out of the user and surround him and nearby enemies in a tornado of bugs, before devouring everything within (Including the original user).

Hyuuga Clan - They've already got the Mangyeko Byakugan. Although I was playing with the idea of giving them a few lions as their clan summons. The lions wouldn't be giant sized but bigger than the Inuzuka dogs, and capable of high level wind ninjutsu via their roars.

Uchiha Clan - They've already got the Mangyeko Sharingan.

Yamanaka Clan - I'm not going to give them anything since they aren't really a fighting clan.

Inuzuka Clan - For these guys I was thinking that they've already got that giant two-headed dog thing that Kiba does. But why not give them an ultimate summon, where they summon the original wolf-hounds, which would be naturally the size of that giant two-headed dog. I think this might be a bit OP, but I'm just interested in it because it would give the clan depth in that they got the wolf/dogs they have from this pack decades ago, and can call on them in times of need.

Nara Clan - For these guys I KNOW that I'm going a bit above and beyond. But I was thinking that they were taught to use shadow ninjutsu by a demon years before the formation of ninja villages, and they then sealed the demon into the clan head, largely because it would increase his power. So... if need be, the clan head can either

A) Summon the demon and fight alongside it
B) Let the demon take over his body, and let it wreak havoc

The main reason why I'm thinking this entire plan up, is because I wanted to give Shikamaru a push to become Hokage later on in the story, and realistically speaking, he could never be Hokage with what his clan has shown us thus far, because to be Hokage you do need a lot of power alongside intelligence.

So, what do you think.

 

[Bluedevil]

I agree that Sage Mode is already balanced enough as it is, especially since it doesn't make the user unfathomably fast.

As for Susanoo, I do kind of think that yeah how is that made using an eye technique, but at the same time I want it to be something that not all Uchiha can do.

Right now the Hyuuga can do something like that (Lion Fist), so I was thinking to just make Susanoo a mutation of the Sharingan, that runs in Itachi and Sasuke's family in particular. This way, I won't have to worry about Shisui or anyone else getting Susanoo.

Oh sorry I meant that as well. I was just saying that we shouldn't eliminate the jitsu from the uchia just because we both think it isn't an eye technique. I was trying to suggest that if it is an advanced chakara molding tech instead this would mean that anybody could use it if they had the skill to mold chakara/ keep it molded for a long period of time.

 

[Bluedevil]

Something else which I'm thinking about, is specific clan ninjutsu. I have watched the Kyuubi V Konoha fight that they made for the game, and although I can't be certain how much of that got Kishi's backing, I did quite like it.

I think that most major and established clans should have a set of Kinjutsu that are strong enough to let them do some serious damage.

Akimichi Clan - This one's simple enough, Choza has shown the ability to make himself the size of a tailed beast, combine that with Chouji's pills then Choza could have thrown the Kyuubi out of the village. But since its a kinjutsu, he would have to die from that kind of stress on his chakra system.

Aburame Clan - For them I was thinking that they could have some kind of ultimate summon. Not a giant boss one, but like a hoard of flesh eating bugs that absolutely surround and devour their target. But in order to make it a kinjutsu I was thinking it could act more like a suicide technique, in that when activated the bugs will come out of the user and surround him and nearby enemies in a tornado of bugs, before devouring everything within (Including the original user).

Hyuuga Clan - They've already got the Mangyeko Byakugan. Although I was playing with the idea of giving them a few lions as their clan summons. The lions wouldn't be giant sized but bigger than the Inuzuka dogs, and capable of high level wind ninjutsu via their roars.

Uchiha Clan - They've already got the Mangyeko Sharingan.

Yamanaka Clan - I'm not going to give them anything since they aren't really a fighting clan.

Inuzuka Clan - For these guys I was thinking that they've already got that giant two-headed dog thing that Kiba does. But why not give them an ultimate summon, where they summon the original wolf-hounds, which would be naturally the size of that giant two-headed dog. I think this might be a bit OP, but I'm just interested in it because it would give the clan depth in that they got the wolf/dogs they have from this pack decades ago, and can call on them in times of need.

Nara Clan - For these guys I KNOW that I'm going a bit above and beyond. But I was thinking that they were taught to use shadow ninjutsu by a demon years before the formation of ninja villages, and they then sealed the demon into the clan head, largely because it would increase his power. So... if need be, the clan head can either

A) Summon the demon and fight alongside it
B) Let the demon take over his body, and let it wreak havoc

The main reason why I'm thinking this entire plan up, is because I wanted to give Shikamaru a push to become Hokage later on in the story, and realistically speaking, he could never be Hokage with what his clan has shown us thus far, because to be Hokage you do need a lot of power alongside intelligence.

So, what do you think.

Hmm you are really going all out on this. I like that kind of enthusiasm.
okay.... let me really think of some really awesome ones. It will take me a day or two to get back to you

 

[IDreamofClouds4817]

Hmm you are really going all out on this. I like that kind of enthusiasm.
okay.... let me really think of some really awesome ones. It will take me a day or two to get back to you

Hehe... I can't help it, planning is my weakness. Although for once I am really dedicated to write this entire thing once I'm done planning.

Plot is something which I will need to think through as well, because right now I've only got a rough outline based on some daydreams I had whilst listening to music. But I hope it'll awesome and plausible... ish.

But yeah take your time bro, its really uplifting to know that I'm not alone in my desire to nitpick and re-create the Naruto world.

P.S. - I don't know how you'll feel about this, but at some point I wanted the characters to go on a Lord of the Rings like quest. So in order to make it seem more epic, I've upped the scale of the entire Naruto world, and that includes population. As of this moment these are the numbers I've got, might need to re-work them though.

Village - Overall Population - Shinobi Population
Konoha - 275,000 - 55,000
Kiri - 110,000 - 22,000
Kumo - 165,000 - 49,500
Iwa - 275,000 - 68,750
Suna - 110,000 - 16,500

I know. Big. In order to make the village growth plausible, I'm also going to have to tinker with some of the kages, probably will end up increasing the age difference between Hashirama and Tobirama, and then put a 2nd Hokage in-between them. Only way I see this working.

*Sigh* The things I do for fun.

 

[Bluedevil]

Akimichi Clan -
Good but I am assuming he has a very large chakara size plus he can convert his calories to chakara so I just don’t see this being a unique Kenjutsu. However, they are known for making “food” pills. Including the pepper pill that almost killed his son.
What if they had some sort of pill that extremely slows down the rate of metabolism, so that they could last in battle for extreme periods of time with little fatigue, chakara use, or have diminished power to their ninja techniques. But, as a side affect of taking the pill the body starts attacking the thyroid(which I assume is this is unique to this clan) and depending on the amount of time battling the thyroid starts to die and causes progressive dementia, and in extreme cases to hallucinations, coma, or psychosis.

Aburame Clan -
I don’t know when your alternate story takes place but mine happened after the 4th ninja war. Shino fought against the 7 tails (and lost but survived) and his insects fed on the chakara and with the exception for a few insects most immediately died. These few insects became psudo-jinkuri and were unknowingly bred into the rest and passed on this psudo-jinkuri state. In my story Shino was in a battle when he noticed that his insects were much faster then normal, were effected by genjitsu, did not respond to new commands quickly. In addition they were consuming way too much of his chakra (almost killing him), were not just sucking enemies chakara but eating the enemy from the inside out and were killing all of his other insects inside of him.
When Shino's insects started killing him his clan sent in other 3 Aburame (to battle the beetles inside shino's body, a medical ninja( to heal and feed chakara into him), and a hyuga (to see how his chakara levels were doing). In the process of controlling the mutated insects the group discovered that the beetles had seven tails chakara and had a “cloaked beetle mode”.

Hyuuga Clan -
Fair enough but the MB should have a side effect. … I don’t know if you want Blindness as well, but it seems fitting since you really want to make a strong connection between them and the Uchiha

Uchiha Clan -
Blindness is a great side effect. But I think that it should not be able to be avoided, like Kakashi/Obito.

Yamanaka Clan -
I agree. The mind body switch already has numerous risks and is a kenjitsu itself.

Inuzuka Clan -
Agree. The summon can look like dire wolves (yes an actual animal that now is extinct) can look like this

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Then to be a kenjitsu there is also a reason that the clan never uses them. I suggest that one these are very primitive/wild wolves and do not know or listen to direct commands, unless given by the Alpha. I will also suggest that this summon is summoned in a pack, not just one OP summon... (makes it more awesome) and this will use alot more chakara, so same drawbacks as J-man summoning ma/pa toad.
In addition when they are summoned to control the pack one must quickly use Human Beast Combination Transformation on the Alpha (to make a three headed dog) and command the pack to your “hunt” enemy.

Nara Clan -
This one I’m conflicted on. It sounds like an awesome ability but nowhere else in the original cannon of naruto do you have any mention of demons other then the tailed beast. The other problem that I have with it is what makes this demon so powerful? If he teaches the shadow sewing techs. then that is what he can do.
However, I don’t know if my idea is any better though (in regards of making shicka a kage level).
In my alternate version of naruto, (also after the war) Shickamaru uses his teachers combat knives as his primary weapon. He has channeled his shadow chakara into the knifes so that the shadow of the knifes can stretched and be used to cut things at a very long distance. These wounds inflicted by the shadow are in direct correlation to how much chakara is used/how close the target is.
In addition in the war his abilities were pushed to their limit during the night attack of the zetsu. So to counter act this he learns Fire ninjitsu. He makes a new ninjitsu in which he produces this scroll and ignite it. A Fire balls shoot out of the scroll and acts as a flare that goes out in 3 to 5 mins. This creates multiple shadows and enhances the power of Shickamaru's shadows.
Other then that the only other idea that I was playing around with is the idea of a trap shadow clone. Where he makes a clone of his own shadow. So when it is attacked by a close/mid range attack, the attack goes through the clone and the clone reverts into a shadow sewing attack.

:dead: ...... phew that was a great exercise..... so what do you think?

 

[Bluedevil]

Hehe... I can't help it, planning is my weakness. Although for once I am really dedicated to write this entire thing once I'm done planning.

Plot is something which I will need to think through as well, because right now I've only got a rough outline based on some daydreams I had whilst listening to music. But I hope it'll awesome and plausible... ish.

But yeah take your time bro, its really uplifting to know that I'm not alone in my desire to nitpick and re-create the Naruto world.

P.S. - I don't know how you'll feel about this, but at some point I wanted the characters to go on a Lord of the Rings like quest. So in order to make it seem more epic, I've upped the scale of the entire Naruto world, and that includes population. As of this moment these are the numbers I've got, might need to re-work them though.

Village - Overall Population - Shinobi Population
Konoha - 275,000 - 55,000
Kiri - 110,000 - 22,000
Kumo - 165,000 - 49,500
Iwa - 275,000 - 68,750
Suna - 110,000 - 16,500

I know. Big. In order to make the village growth plausible, I'm also going to have to tinker with some of the kages, probably will end up increasing the age difference between Hashirama and Tobirama, and then put a 2nd Hokage in-between them. Only way I see this working.

*Sigh* The things I do for fun.

Well, I don't think that is necessary. Unless you are in need of giving exact numbers, most of your audience will not care. I think it will be up to you to ensure the vastness of the world. What I mean by that is people will know how large / "epic" the world is if you use the right language. At least that's what tolkin did in his books.

 

[IDreamofClouds4817]

Wow, that's brilliant. Before I say anything else I really need to say thank you for the absolutely outstanding help. Its clear that you're putting quite a bit of work into it, and that is more than I ever expected.

Akimichi Clan
Love your idea here, looking back I can see that what I had in mind for them was pretty much the same as what they already had, and nothing much was changed. So I think that what you've come up with here is far more interesting, and actually something I can make use of.

Aburame Clan
Here I'm not sure I get what you're suggesting, correct me if I'm wrong, but are you saying that I should stick with the summoning, but that the summons should be these insects? Because if so, I am completely happy with that.
By the way, I didn't know you'd written a fanfic, I'd love to read it so... a link maybe?

Hyuuga and Uchiha
Yes you're right, since I am trying to link the two clans quite closely, I'll just go with blindness as well. But what do you think I should do in regards to Eternal Mangyeko's (BTW, how does that even work? If its simply putting someone else's MS/MB in your sockets, then why didn't Izuna and Madara just switch eyes?)
And yes! I was always kind of annoyed that Kakashi and Obito didn't get the same problem. And on top of that I was trying to think of a way to nerf Obito's hax powers, now, I have my answer.

Yamanaka Clan
I like it.

Inuzuka Clan
I am in agreement, although I think I might not have been clear when I first wrote, because I did mean to say that it would be a pack summon. But I had been thinking of them as being powerful boss summons, but now that I think about it, it would in fact be better to use them as THE elite tracking unit, although of they can still fight superbly.

Nara Clan
Okay, on this one I like what you did in terms of making Shika more formidable and giving him more range in battle, but I'm still looking for that last push up to kage. Technically speaking, there is a demon in the Narutoverse, although it is in a filler.

I think I need to better explain myself. I read a fanfic somewhere, can't remember the name, but in it Shikamaru developed the ability to form a Stag from shadows. It was described to be the size of a boss summon, and he used it primarily to defend against large attacks. I always found this interesting because it gave him something that would allow him to compete on the same power level as the top brass.
The demon thing which I concocted wasn't supposed to be ludicrously strong, but in my story I was hoping that he would be a master of all shadow techniques, and that he might teach some of the 'forgotten' ones to Shikamaru.

Phew...

 

[IDreamofClouds4817]

Well, I don't think that is necessary. Unless you are in need of giving exact numbers, most of your audience will not care. I think it will be up to you to ensure the vastness of the world. What I mean by that is people will know how large / "epic" the world is if you use the right language. At least that's what tolkin did in his books.

I see, I guess I'm going to have to depend on my writing ability a lot more. Oh well. The numbers I did more for the wars than anything else.

On a side note, what do you think about me adding characters from other Manga in order to fill in slots. But I will be changing their powers to suit the Naruto universe, and I will treat them as if they were always there. And I was planning on getting quite detailed with this.

Characters who are currently quite important to the story are Akainu (One Piece), Tokagero and Amidamaru (Shaman King), Bartholomew Kuma (One Piece).

In fact, the group which I am most looking forward to introducing is the generals of the Land of Iron's battalions. Mifune is in charge of everyone, but then his generals are going to be:

Mihawk
Roronoa Zoro
Silver Rayleigh
Whitebeard/Rurouni Kenshin
Samurai Jack

I know Whitebeard's a stretch, since he doesn't in fact use a sword, but I was thinking of expanding the Land of Iron's army, such that they also have special units which wield different weapons, but the majority of their forces are Samurai.

 

[Bluedevil]

Wow, that's brilliant. Before I say anything else I really need to say thank you for the absolutely outstanding help. Its clear that you're putting quite a bit of work into it, and that is more than I ever expected.

Akimichi Clan
Love your idea here, looking back I can see that what I had in mind for them was pretty much the same as what they already had, and nothing much was changed. So I think that what you've come up with here is far more interesting, and actually something I can make use of.

Aburame Clan
Here I'm not sure I get what you're suggesting, correct me if I'm wrong, but are you saying that I should stick with the summoning, but that the summons should be these insects? Because if so, I am completely happy with that.
By the way, I didn't know you'd written a fanfic, I'd love to read it so... a link maybe?

Hyuuga and Uchiha
Yes you're right, since I am trying to link the two clans quite closely, I'll just go with blindness as well. But what do you think I should do in regards to Eternal Mangyeko's (BTW, how does that even work? If its simply putting someone else's MS/MB in your sockets, then why didn't Izuna and Madara just switch eyes?)
And yes! I was always kind of annoyed that Kakashi and Obito didn't get the same problem. And on top of that I was trying to think of a way to nerf Obito's hax powers, now, I have my answer.

Yamanaka Clan
I like it.

Inuzuka Clan
I am in agreement, although I think I might not have been clear when I first wrote, because I did mean to say that it would be a pack summon. But I had been thinking of them as being powerful boss summons, but now that I think about it, it would in fact be better to use them as THE elite tracking unit, although of they can still fight superbly.

Nara Clan
Okay, on this one I like what you did in terms of making Shika more formidable and giving him more range in battle, but I'm still looking for that last push up to kage. Technically speaking, there is a demon in the Narutoverse, although it is in a filler.

I think I need to better explain myself. I read a fanfic somewhere, can't remember the name, but in it Shikamaru developed the ability to form a Stag from shadows. It was described to be the size of a boss summon, and he used it primarily to defend against large attacks. I always found this interesting because it gave him something that would allow him to compete on the same power level as the top brass.
The demon thing which I concocted wasn't supposed to be ludicrously strong, but in my story I was hoping that he would be a master of all shadow techniques, and that he might teach some of the 'forgotten' ones to Shikamaru.

Phew...

Thank you for your listening. I am always happy to help another.

Akimichi Clan
I am gland you enjoy my twist and your more then welcome to use my idea in your fanfic as long as you give credit. I spent alot of time on this looking up the gland system and studying the effects of having the thyroid gland removed. Which I presume that this clan has a more then ordinary gland to be able to use the jitsu they do.

Aburame Clan
To be honest I just got excited to share my own version. hmm I was just explaining that in my own version it wasn't a special summon from the past/ secret. It was instead a evolution of the insect itself, which it is just my taste. I felt that this evolution of the insect itself opens up the possibilities for the entire clan and creates new conflicts in the story. In short the evolution route makes new jitsu's for the clan that can be explored/ enjoyed by the writer(new abilities and concepts that were never conceived in the original) and by the audience. As opposed to it being a summon, then it would be just that. But I insist that this is your fanfic I am just someone here to bounce ideas off of.

Hyuuga and Uchiha
Absolutely! I hated the idea of an EMS and even more that the EMS turned into a rinnigan. I mean the idea of a Kenjitsu is that it presents obvious drawbacks and dangers. I mean Sasuke just spams Ameratsu and sussonno w/o regards to his eyes. Then its like well why doesn't everyone have and eye trading day. Problem solved. If I were in your shoes I think I would

1. Not have EMS
2. Have EMS but have a VERY specific set of rules about how to obtain it. Like the two clans Hyuuga/Uchiha have a child and they are born with a much more resilient eye, with both qualities (battle/sensory). That can not have a MS but can activate a EMS/B Rinningan (kinda like Edo-Madara in the latest Naruto Manga)

Inuzuka Clan
I think that this is a splendid idea. Then if it is an very rare elite tracking pack.... that is a Kenjitsu I would suggest that they have some major drawbacks and some awesome abilities.

Nara Clan
I typically don't watch fillers..... they just make me sad..... lol. I love the idea of the shadow stag (i would love to draw that summon, in fact i might) but it is not versatile and i my opinion it is a really straight forward ability that shicka doesn't need. He has both shadow strangle and shadow sewing to battle large summons.
In my own version my goal wasn't to have shicka a kage, but someone who was like a high kage guard, that could really take the Kage's place for short periods of time. In addition I wanted him to really get attached to his masters combat knives (i'm all about narrative/character development)... eventually he would pass them on and they would become a the Leaf's version of a treasure tool. Lol in fact in my own version it was actually Sasuke that became Hokage and Shicka was his right arm and going off on a rant that the 2 tails jink. was one of sasuke's kids.

Anyway, I guess I just love the character alot. But back to your story..... I would need to hear much more about this demonic summon, how it became to be, why it allies itself with the Nara/ teaches the narra, why it is a kenjitsu that is has not been used before/ in a very long time, what is the summons's personality like (since it will become a main feature of the character), and how it would impact/benefit shicka.

 

[Bluedevil]

I see, I guess I'm going to have to depend on my writing ability a lot more. Oh well. The numbers I did more for the wars than anything else.

On a side note, what do you think about me adding characters from other Manga in order to fill in slots. But I will be changing their powers to suit the Naruto universe, and I will treat them as if they were always there. And I was planning on getting quite detailed with this.

Characters who are currently quite important to the story are Akainu (One Piece), Tokagero and Amidamaru (Shaman King), Bartholomew Kuma (One Piece).

In fact, the group which I am most looking forward to introducing is the generals of the Land of Iron's battalions. Mifune is in charge of everyone, but then his generals are going to be:

Mihawk
Roronoa Zoro
Silver Rayleigh
Whitebeard/Rurouni Kenshin
Samurai Jack

I know Whitebeard's a stretch, since he doesn't in fact use a sword, but I was thinking of expanding the Land of Iron's army, such that they also have special units which wield different weapons, but the majority of their forces are Samurai.

Sounds like a good idea, but use your own characters. They can be based on the characters you described, but be creative and don't just copy other characters.