Writing test.

[KillerbYo]

Besides the grammar, what do you think is wrong with this? Im trying to improve my writing, this is just something i wrote its not about the story it about the style of writing etc.

Sank you.



"So this is it huh..." Jake looked around, he handt really done that until after he moved in all the furnitures.
This was where his new life was gonna be, where he was gonna live, grow and a place he would always come back too.
You had to be careful when moving, you shouldnt go too fast, he knew that, but hadhe really cared about it?
He lay himself down in his bed and just looked at the ceiling for a while.
What was it that was so wrong with this place?
He had been so excited over it.
But...
Now that he was actually here....he couldnt put any words to it.
But it didnt "feel right".
He hadnt been able to figur that out with all of his early calculations, on the surface moving in there had seemed great but now that it was actually done, he regretted it so badly.
He was so uncomfrtable, the bed was alright, the lights, the paintings, the couch all was in order, the only thing that wasnt, was himself, that was the real problem.

 

[Akame]

You made a couple mistakes and the story is quite boring. But overall id say 70/100

 

[Urda]

"So this is it huh?" Jake scan around his new apartment, with a jovial smile and enthusiasm which elevate the room more. He had not took the pleasure in after moving in all the furniture. This was where his new life was going to be. Where he was going to live. Grow. A place he would always call home. "You should be careful when moving... Pace yourself...." he laughed at the thought, given himself motherly advice, whilst taking his own as he felled exhaustly on the bad looking up at the white ceiling. "What was it that was so wrong with this place?" he ponder with confusion, while letting out a huge sigh. He had dreamt of having his on since he could remember. Actually, he did. It was a month ago when he was living with his uncle in a two-story modern cottage home......

---

More detail and/or focus on the story.