I see. So you are probably asking yourself the question "why me" alot? Why were you saved? Was it because you weren't worthy of being killed? Was it because you were of vaule to this brother? Was it because you may be adopted? And theses abilities of his? Is this something you shrive to have too? Are these abilities a metaphor for you inferiority complex towards him? Do you adopt supernatural abilities to you older brother to compensate for you feeling that you will never be able to measure up to him? It's completely understandable all all, given the Odepus complex. Kill the Father and Procreate with the Mother. Your brother hope you of the change to become a man by killing her father, you can never earn you right of passage now. Can you? Unless you see your brother as a paternal figure now, which is why he is so grand in your eyes, do you? And then there is also finding a girl who is like you mother, how is that? He killed your entire family, you have no one but him, he is everything you have, and by murdering everyone in you family, it's as if he is the best person your family has produced. How does this make you feel? Inadequate?