Verge of Suicide

[Aura]

A young boy, smiling they say
The Sky is blue, but turns grey.
His Life will change, or will it?
Why don't you tell it?

He tries his hardest to resist
His head is like an endless list
Remember hes young, he doesn't know any better
Or does he?
Come on I said tell him, why don't you send him the letter?

If he keeps running, he will find darkness
But then comes the opposite, then he will see the Light
Yeah he knows whats right,
But its hard,
Because hes on the Verge of Suicide Tonight. ​

 

[I Am Pein]

its better o just end it know instead of suffer

 

[Aura]

its better o just end it know instead of suffer

I don't quite understand what your saying, sorry :shrug:

 

[Selendrile]

its better o just end it know instead of suffer

:rofl:

You evil man.

 

[EnvyMyApex]

Needs more literary devices. You kind of just said stuff...

 

[Aura]

Needs more literary devices.

I don't even know what that is, my first attempt at Poetry

 

[Ninpou]

You used 3rd and 1st person wich made it a little weird but other that it was good.

 

[Aura]

You used 3rd and 1st person wich made it a little weird but other that it was good.

Thank you, I guess

 

[Daki Kibe]

I don't even know what that is, my first attempt at Poetry

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EnvyMyApex was right, in that it was more of prose than poetry; you simply said 'stuff'. Though you did use some techniques ― you switched from third-person (first verse) to first-person (third verse).
The theme is strong. Suicide. There's a lot of ways to go with that. You ended it somewhat bleakly; it wasn't exactly as subtle or underplayed as I might have liked it, but it was well-put all the same. Good job, though. Writing poetry is a real bitch, so you did pretty well.

 

[Aura]

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EnvyMyApex was right, in that it was more of prose than poetry; you simply said 'stuff'. Though you did use some techniques ― you switched from third-person (first verse) to first-person (third verse).
The theme is strong. Suicide. There's a lot of ways to go with that. You ended it somewhat bleakly; it wasn't exactly as subtle or underplayed as I might have liked it, but it was well-put all the same. Good job, though. Writing poetry is a real bitch, so you did pretty well.

Thanks, you are kind

 

[DarkSandss]

wow