KazekageHamster
Member
I have recently been trying to write a book, i need feedback on what i have wrote so far, it was done at 1:00 in the morning.
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! I open my eyes to see everyone running around, today must be the day we choose. Ugh, how I want to just role back over and sleep through the entire day but I know that I will have to choose a side, my mother or my father. I have heard from other people, that once you choose your faction you can't go back, this ceremony is what they call a BLOOD CEREMONY, it is were they suck out part of your soul and give it to the leader of whichever faction you choose, binding you with them forever, unless they release you. After five minutes of laying in my bed, I finally decide to get up, as I stand I notice my mark on my abdomen glowing, I rub my eyes and look at it again to find that it had stopped, thinking it was my imagination I start getting dressed. BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! Oh crap, only 30 minutes left to go until the ceremony starts, I quickly shove my food into my mouth and go to the outside area, as I start to leave Tergo pulls me to the side and looks at me, as if to ask what will you choose. “What do you want Tergo,” I say, “You should know what I want to know, Inora,” he replies. He is right, I do know what he wants to know but I won't give my answer to him, as I don't know what I want to choose, so I say to him “my choice is none of your concern, you will find out when I choose!” The look on his face is the look of anger, “Go **** yourself then, don't tell me!” he spits back at me. I slap him in the face and walk off to the outside area, feeling the anger build up inside me I finally realise what side I want to choose, it will be the choice no one will expect, not even my so called parents. As I enter the garden, there is twelve people on either side holding weird shaped goblets in their hands, one side is dressed in white robes, whereas the other side is dressed all in black robes. As the ceremony begins, both my mother and father make their speeches on why you should choose their faction, instead of the other but I already know my decision, so I don't pay attention to what is being said. There is about 100 people choosing today and I of course am choosing last, although it is quite beneficial for me, as what I am going to say and do will shock everyone. My turn to choose slowly creeps up and I am starting to get really nervous, the thought of me betraying one of my parents by choosing the other one is sickening but it is too late, I have already chosen what I want to do, anyways, it is to late to think about it anymore. The announcer calls out “Inora Suin, come forward and choose,” I slowly walk forward and as I reach the end of the garden, there are two massive bowls waiting for me, one with white liquid and the other with dark liquid. I look to my left to see a knife waiting for me, it only takes me a matter of seconds to figure out what to do next, this is when my plan springs into action. I grab the knife and slowly move it towards both of my wrists, with every inch I move closer my decision starts to become more clear, as I get to my wrists, I slice. A sharp pain shoots through both of my arms, ignoring it I put both wrists over both bowls and simutaneously two drops of blood fall into the bowls. What came next scared the crap out of me, two big spirits came out of the bowls and intertwined with one another, once they were intertwined they rushed towards me and I was knocked to the ground by what looked like a yin and yang spirit. As I got up, I felt some sort of powerful surge go through my body, as I look down at my hands, I see that my veins are turning black and white. Quickly, I pull down my shirt sleeve and cover my veins, as I turn around and walk back, I see people looking at me and murmuring underneath their breath. Not caring about what anyone thinks, I look up at my mother and father and smile at them, I take it that they didn't like what I done because they pulled me up to question me on my motives, even after hours of yelling and screaming at me, my parents didn't get the answer they were looking for and being as stubborn as I am, I didn't give them the answers to the questions they were asking, so they finally gave up. This was my chance to put an end to my parent's reign of terror, once and for all but I needed help, this is were part two of my plan comes into action. This part of the plan will be the hardest, I need to travel to each of the seven lands, in order to meet with their village leaders and have them join me in the battle against my parents and their factions. As, I walk back to my room, I notice someone watching me, I decide to walk a different way to my room and corner the person into a room, as I do this I notice who it is and knowing who it is makes my plan a bit easier to fulfill. As I continue to look at him, my mind continues to work and I figure out what village I will be going to first but to get there, I will be needing the assistance of none other than the previous leader of the Light Faction, Osyu Dreba, the man standing before me.
Chapter 1: THE DROP OF BLOOD
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! I open my eyes to see everyone running around, today must be the day we choose. Ugh, how I want to just role back over and sleep through the entire day but I know that I will have to choose a side, my mother or my father. I have heard from other people, that once you choose your faction you can't go back, this ceremony is what they call a BLOOD CEREMONY, it is were they suck out part of your soul and give it to the leader of whichever faction you choose, binding you with them forever, unless they release you. After five minutes of laying in my bed, I finally decide to get up, as I stand I notice my mark on my abdomen glowing, I rub my eyes and look at it again to find that it had stopped, thinking it was my imagination I start getting dressed. BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! Oh crap, only 30 minutes left to go until the ceremony starts, I quickly shove my food into my mouth and go to the outside area, as I start to leave Tergo pulls me to the side and looks at me, as if to ask what will you choose. “What do you want Tergo,” I say, “You should know what I want to know, Inora,” he replies. He is right, I do know what he wants to know but I won't give my answer to him, as I don't know what I want to choose, so I say to him “my choice is none of your concern, you will find out when I choose!” The look on his face is the look of anger, “Go **** yourself then, don't tell me!” he spits back at me. I slap him in the face and walk off to the outside area, feeling the anger build up inside me I finally realise what side I want to choose, it will be the choice no one will expect, not even my so called parents. As I enter the garden, there is twelve people on either side holding weird shaped goblets in their hands, one side is dressed in white robes, whereas the other side is dressed all in black robes. As the ceremony begins, both my mother and father make their speeches on why you should choose their faction, instead of the other but I already know my decision, so I don't pay attention to what is being said. There is about 100 people choosing today and I of course am choosing last, although it is quite beneficial for me, as what I am going to say and do will shock everyone. My turn to choose slowly creeps up and I am starting to get really nervous, the thought of me betraying one of my parents by choosing the other one is sickening but it is too late, I have already chosen what I want to do, anyways, it is to late to think about it anymore. The announcer calls out “Inora Suin, come forward and choose,” I slowly walk forward and as I reach the end of the garden, there are two massive bowls waiting for me, one with white liquid and the other with dark liquid. I look to my left to see a knife waiting for me, it only takes me a matter of seconds to figure out what to do next, this is when my plan springs into action. I grab the knife and slowly move it towards both of my wrists, with every inch I move closer my decision starts to become more clear, as I get to my wrists, I slice. A sharp pain shoots through both of my arms, ignoring it I put both wrists over both bowls and simutaneously two drops of blood fall into the bowls. What came next scared the crap out of me, two big spirits came out of the bowls and intertwined with one another, once they were intertwined they rushed towards me and I was knocked to the ground by what looked like a yin and yang spirit. As I got up, I felt some sort of powerful surge go through my body, as I look down at my hands, I see that my veins are turning black and white. Quickly, I pull down my shirt sleeve and cover my veins, as I turn around and walk back, I see people looking at me and murmuring underneath their breath. Not caring about what anyone thinks, I look up at my mother and father and smile at them, I take it that they didn't like what I done because they pulled me up to question me on my motives, even after hours of yelling and screaming at me, my parents didn't get the answer they were looking for and being as stubborn as I am, I didn't give them the answers to the questions they were asking, so they finally gave up. This was my chance to put an end to my parent's reign of terror, once and for all but I needed help, this is were part two of my plan comes into action. This part of the plan will be the hardest, I need to travel to each of the seven lands, in order to meet with their village leaders and have them join me in the battle against my parents and their factions. As, I walk back to my room, I notice someone watching me, I decide to walk a different way to my room and corner the person into a room, as I do this I notice who it is and knowing who it is makes my plan a bit easier to fulfill. As I continue to look at him, my mind continues to work and I figure out what village I will be going to first but to get there, I will be needing the assistance of none other than the previous leader of the Light Faction, Osyu Dreba, the man standing before me.