Tried writing a poem

[Punk Hazard]

Poem!!!!!!!!!!

So many things for which we yearn
Yet so few of us try to earn
Even fewer attempt to learn
Way too many feel the burn
Because their life is hell
Stuck like a child in a well
In so much trouble
Life is a struggle
So many want to fly
Some don't try, others die
Some only know a lie
Some no longer have tears left to cry
They sit in the cornor in silence
Trying to ignore the violence
Many just watch their lives go to waste
Too many have the wrong pace
Heading forward with too much haste
So they fall on their face
Too many don't appreciate
instead of sticking together we separate
The ability to love
Is that why we seem to enjoy hate?
Maybe it's not too late
And we can try once again to be great

 

[Yasuko Sayomi]

The word love messes up the rhyme scheme ( at least two rhymes then bring it as far as you can, I presume is the rhyme scheme >_>) Other than that it's good.
Edit: Skeletonic poem, if I'm correct... >_<

 

[markdabomb22]

this is some deep stuff...........like balls deep deep

 

[Punk Hazard]

The word love messes up the rhyme scheme ( at least two rhymes then bring it as far as you can, I presume is the rhyme scheme >_>) Other than that it's good.

Thanks.

this is some deep stuff...........like balls deep deep

This has to go in my sig.

 

[markdabomb22]

This has to go in my sig.

You must be registered for see images

 

[Ldude]

This was a good attempt, but I do have some criticisms:
1. Towards the end, you messed up the rhyme scheme.
2. The rhythm did not flow because of the varying syllable counts in each line, with no general pattern.
3. The meaning was deep but flawed in the last line, unless you suggest that people at a previous point were great, all loved each other, and were peaceful. (However, that is most certainly not the case.)
4. There was a spelling error in line 13.
5. The poem itself was too broad and the idea overused. It lacks... originality, or at least specific details that capture attention.
6. The similies and metaphors were dry- they lasted one line and were not referenced again.
7. If you start with a rhyme scheme, it's important to follow through, but don't force the rhyme in such a way that the ideas are out of place.

I hope you continue writing. ^_^

 

[narutorikudoumode]

just made it up i king of suck this is freeverse
do you not know that peace can not coexist with hate,
but though many say that is true then why is there wars, these are not mistakes
because we aimlessly lunge at the innocent if we don't change then death will our fate

 

[Vanderfee]

This was a good attempt, but I do have some criticisms:
1. Towards the end, you messed up the rhyme scheme.
2. The rhythm did not flow because of the varying syllable counts in each line, with no general pattern.
3. The meaning was deep but flawed in the last line, unless you suggest that people at a previous point were great, all loved each other, and were peaceful. (However, that is most certainly not the case.)
4. There was a spelling error in line 13.
5. The poem itself was too broad and the idea overused. It lacks... originality, or at least specific details that capture attention.
6. The similies and metaphors were dry- they lasted one line and were not referenced again.
7. If you start with a rhyme scheme, it's important to follow through, but don't force the rhyme in such a way that the ideas are out of place.

I hope you continue writing. ^_^

ALL this I agree with.
It could've been better.
I felt the impact though.