The Story of Nagaki.

[UchihaSaske]

Nagaki's Story :

When Nagaki Born his parrents were very happy.
At the first evening his parrents die because of one Missing Ninja .
Tanaki's mum was the first jinchuuriki of the monster called Shikayo ''The monster with 10 tails''.
When he became 7 years old he joined the ninja academy , he wasnt the lovely kid there.
Likes
-Kunai
-Village Girls
-Learning Jutsus
Dislikes
-Haters
-Twicers/Dissemblers
____________________________________________
When he becamed 9 years he gets in the Genin rank .
His sensei's name is Toshiba.
He knows very well summoning jutsus and he is fire user jounin.
He teached Tanaki to very much techniques .
When he becamed 15 years old Toshiba became Missing Ninja because he killed one Konohagakure Jounin who atacked his team.
Now we are still waiting for his first attempt to return to the village , because Tanaki is dissapointed , that may leads him to the side of the darkness...

The End .​

I will write Head 2 later.

 

[UchihaSaske]

Sorry for the multipost , im excited

 

[RyukBunta]

Well sucks ._.
And you didn't use the correct tense in "he becamed 9 years he gets in the Genin rank." and "his parrents die because of one Missing Ninja." also lots of grammar mistakes.
Plus, it doesn't look like a fan fiction to me.

 

[kelevra]

when did you say the next chapter would be

 

[Naruto33]

Well sucks ._.
And you didn't use the correct tense in "he becamed 9 years he gets in the Genin rank." and "his parrents die because of one Missing Ninja." also lots of grammar mistakes.
Plus, it doesn't look like a fan fiction to me.

:flaw:
Don't be such an *sshole, the person obviously spent some time on it and they were pretty excited about it.
Not everyone is perfect at english, there's a better way of saying that he made mistakes than IT SUCKS, because at the end of the day the *sshole who posts that on the internet is the one who gets flamed for discouraging others who are trying to learn.
...
:sy:
And it doesn't look like a fanfic story coz it's the freaking intro :|

AS FOR THE WRITER:
It is a confusing story yes because it has a lot of mistakes, but i understood the part where he's the 10 tails jin, and that's really cool
Looking forward to seeing the rest of it, but i might suggest that you ask someone to edit it for you before posting? I'm not that good :_ but there are plenty of writers who are, like Maina Deah and ThatOneChick, approach them and ask them about it. I know both of them and I know they won't mind

 

[RyukBunta]

:flaw:
Don't be such an *sshole, the person obviously spent some time on it and they were pretty excited about it.
Not everyone is perfect at english, there's a better way of saying that he made mistakes than IT SUCKS, because at the end of the day the *sshole who posts that on the internet is the one who gets flamed for discouraging others who are trying to learn.
...
:sy:
And it doesn't look like a fanfic story coz it's the freaking intro :|

AS FOR THE WRITER:
It is a confusing story yes because it has a lot of mistakes, but i understood the part where he's the 10 tails jin, and that's really cool
Looking forward to seeing the rest of it, but i might suggest that you ask someone to edit it for you before posting? I'm not that good :_ but there are plenty of writers who are, like Maina Deah and ThatOneChick, approach them and ask them about it. I know both of them and I know they won't mind

You repeat calling me an a-hole? So mature!
I told the dude my opinion.
"And it doesn't look like a fanfic story coz it's the freaking intro :|" now don't get mad my white brother. Let me explain, this is not a fan-fiction introduction, this is what is usually written at the beggining to let the reader know some more about the story and it usually is continued in the same post, that's why I said what's above you.
So I'm an... ehem... anus...? Criticism is usually the thing that makes people better at something and it's the best way to learn, I learnt it that way.
And, in conclusion. You are a f*cking re-tard.

 

[Sophie Ezra]

Well sucks ._.
And you didn't use the correct tense in "he becamed 9 years he gets in the Genin rank." and "his parrents die because of one Missing Ninja." also lots of grammar mistakes.
Plus, it doesn't look like a fan fiction to me.

ok your entittled to your opinion every one is but what you said was wrong giving Construtive Criticism would have been better just saying it sucks that will put the the writer down.

:flaw:
Don't be such an *sshole, the person obviously spent some time on it and they were pretty excited about it.
Not everyone is perfect at english, there's a better way of saying that he made mistakes than IT SUCKS, because at the end of the day the *sshole who posts that on the internet is the one who gets flamed for discouraging others who are trying to learn.

i agree with this

this is not a fan fic i like but it is different and it is good to be different so keep on trying and improving.

dont be put out okay

 

[izinagi54]

good imagination

 

[RyukBunta]

ok your entittled to your opinion every one is but what you said was wrong giving Construtive Criticism would have been better just saying it sucks that will put the the writer down.

Another one bites the dust.
*sigh*
Same as I told the dude above me. I told the guy straightforwardly what maybe he didn't want to hear but it was necessary
Bye.