[Other] The Power Within Chapter 01

Sindy

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Blurry images of people running towards each other from both side and flashing lights coming from their hands invade my mind, like a battle taking place in an epic movie you’d only see in the summertime. People were being hit by those lights and flying backwards, hitting the ground or the trees nearby. The scene changes and a shadowy figure appears in front of me, sparks flying from their hand and light coming from my hand as we start to charge at each other. It starts to repeat my name. Liza…Liza…​

“Liza…Liza….LIZA!” shouted a voice above me. I open my eyes and sit up in my bed shocked. I Look and see my dorm mate, Trisha,yelling at me to get up. She’s dressed in a pair of jean shorts, with her dark brown hair in a high ponytail and a nice looking tank top with ruffles on the bottom hem. I look at my clock and jump out of bed, getting dressed.

“Ah I knew staying up late was a bad idea.” I say to her as I get a plain t-shirt and my favorite pastel green jacket on and a pair of skinny jeans.

“Not my fault you wanted to play video games and eat junk food again.” She says getting her stuff in her bag.

“You’re the one who wanted to do that too.” I say to her.

“Yeah your right.”

We exit our dorm and make a mad dash for the building where our classes are. It only took us 20 minutes to get there and take[/indent]our seats before the teacher came in. An hour and a half goes by and the first class is over, with exhausted students leaving the classroom.

“I don’t know what really inspired me to become a teacher, but it defiantly wasn’t that teacher.” Trisha says as the both of us laugh and walk towards our next class.

We had just reached the middle of the courtyard, where the famous statues of the founders of the college are and students who aren’t in classes relax, until we heard a terrifying scream come from behind us. Several people start to run as fast as they can towards the crowd of people we were in, shooting things at us. Everyone in the crowd, including me and Trisha, starts to run away from the people, trying not to hit by whatever they were throwing. I feel something hot hit my back, but it didn’t feel like fire. I fall face first onto the grass and try to gather my surroundings before one of the attackers steps in front of my face and looks at me before I blackout.

Images of two people flash across my vision and bright white lights blind me. The two figures speak words to me but nothing comes out. Another image flashes at me, showing me an underground tunnel system and a secret hideout, with the walls aligned with maps of countries, newspaper entries and a separate wall of people’s names, some of which have X’s through them. Is this a dream or vision of the future?

I wake up to a bright blinding light above my head and tubes strapped to my arm. A hospital room from the looks of it. I position myself up and notice two people, a boy with blond hair, a tan jacket and jeans, and a girl, with light brown skin, dark brown eyes and hair and a layered tank top with capris, are waiting silently in my room. Nobody says anything for a good three minutes, just staring at each other.

“Um, can I help you?” I finally say to them. The girl comes up to me and examines me, looking at my eyes, hair, arms and all of my face.

“Yep. This is defiantly her.” The woman says as she looks back at the guy, as if to prove a point.

“Of course it’s her, her name is on the board outside the door.” The guy says pointing. They start to argue as if I was never there to begin with. I look at the IV’s stuck in my arm and the walker that comes with it. I try to get up but am stopped when a big pain stings my head. I make a grunting sound and the two people look back at me.

“Hey take it easy Liza, don’t push yourself.” The girl says.

“How do you know that I go by Liza?” I say to her as she looks shocked. Everyone who doesn’t know me calls me Elizabeth; even my parents call me Elizabeth.

“Well it sounds weird, but we can read your mind.” The guy said confidently. I looked at him as he was on drugs. Reading a person’s mind is something you’d read or see in a fantasy movie or book. It’s humanly impossible.

“You make think its human impossible, but it’s the truth.” The girl said smiling. Before I could get a word in, the guy comes up and covers my mouth.

“Ok before we explain anything, we need to get you out of here and to a safer place and no we’re not here to hurt you.” The guy says as he removes his hand from my mouth.

“Can I at least know your guy’s names if you’re not here to hurt me?” I asked them as the girl carful takes the IV’s out of my arm.

“I’m Bradly and this lovely girl here is Chloe. Now let’s go.” Bradly says as he helps me up off the hospital bed.
We exit out of the room and walk down the long hallway, avoiding any nurses and doctors who might see me and question why I’m leaving. We make it to the elevator on the right side of the hallway and wait patiently for it to come up before entering the elevator. The ride down was silent, if you don’t count the elevator music and the breathing the three of us are doing. The elevator stops at the first floor and we exit, moving towards the front of the building. Before Bradly could head towards the car parked in the front, he stops us.

“What’s up? Are they here?” Chloe says looking around as she puts her hands on my shoulders as if to protect me. Bradly doesn’t answer and moves his arm for me to get into the car. It was a very small car with leathers seats but it was very cozy to say the least. A couple minutes pass and both Chloe and Bradly don’t enter the car. I hear a commotion out of the window and look at what’s going on. It was the guys who attacked the school, but only two of them, shooting lights at Chloe and Bradly. Both Chloe and Bradly are fighting back by shooting lights themselves but differently. Bradly’s light was more of a blue color and spread out more than the others, while Chloe light was a violet color and was more like a laser than a light. The two of them attack the guys and it hits them dead in chest, sending them backwards a couple feet. They then hurry to the car and drive off.

“Who are they?” I asked as Bradly drives away from the hospital.

“They are The Brotherhood; a society that wants to take over the world and will do anything to get that to happen,” Chloe says “We are from a society as well but we’re not the bad guys and we can explain everything when we get there.”

“So where exactly are we going?” I asked Chloe. For living in New York, everything should be familiar to most people but the road that Bradly is taking is very personal to me. I haven’t been down this road since I was little and since my dad divorced my mom.

“You’re mother’s house,” Bradly says, continuing to drive. “She wants to explain everything to you.” I was going to reply but then got another siring pain in my head, with flashing images from my past about my mother, and how I had to leave her so many years ago. The pain was so intense that my nose bleed and I passed out in the backseat, with the last words I heard was ‘Liza!’

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Hopefully you guys like this chapter and like it, cause i do plan to make more, when i'm not making it at like 2am

Chapter 2 coming soon
 

Urda

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Writing: It was parts where I think you should have went into detail explaining the character's perspective and the setting a bit more.

Also, I think you need to express the characters tone (shining some light on the character's personality) such as instead of putting "Brandly says", put "Brandly demands". Example:

“I’m Bradly and this adorable girl is Chloe.... let's go...” Brandly demanded, as he begin vigorously helping me off the hospital cot.
Now to your story: Good start. When it gets to the ending, I was a bit upset on how Liza is taken this. Instead of being astonished, she's like all calm, when this is not everyday stuff for her. Overall, short story, but was a great read.
 
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