This is hilarious, I didn't write it though. Here is the link for origanla person who wrote it:
Jon was sitting at the kitchen table; Odie was in front of him, tail wagging and drool spraying. Jon was upset about another woman turning him down for a date, about not having any friends, and about something that happened at work. He started telling Odie about it all.
Odie, naturally, couldn't understand a word of it; he just knew that he was being petted and that he had his daddy's attention. That, of course, is what made Odie perfect for that role. So Jon went through all of his sexual failures and insecurities, his loneliness, the various humiliations of his job, and all the little traumas of his life to that point.
A few minutes passed and the phone rang. It was an acquaintance of Jon's, who was fighting not to laugh. He told Jon that he should really check Garfield's blog.
Jon hung up the phone, gave Odie a kiss on the nose, and went to his computer. Odie followed him. Jon went to MySpace, found Garfield's blog, and saw a new audio clip had been posted. He clicked on it and became aware that Garfield had recorded everything that he had said to Odie and that it was where anyone could listen to it. There were already over a hundred comments. All of them were far less than complimentary towards Jon.
Jon's eyes changed from a sensitive, kind gaze to a cold, hard stare. He stepped out of the bedroom, locking Odie in behind him. Jon went to the kitchen.
He got out all of the ingredients to make lasagna, as well as a new box of rat poison. He added a large amount of rat poison to the sauce as he made the lasagna and then baked it. The lasagna was cooling on the counter when Garfield walked into the dining room, fresh off his nap.
A sick, dark smile flashed across Jon?s face until, by force of will, he replaced it with his usual expression. He offered the lasagna to Garfield and went back to the bedroom. He petted Odie in silence for the next hour before returning to the kitchen. Odie, still shut in the bedroom, was whimpering through the door. Garfield was lying on the dining room table, as if he often was. This time, however, he was lying dead next to an empty pan.
Jon got his shovel and went to the back yard. He dug a hole a few feet deep in the back yard, went back inside, got Garfield's body, put it in the hole, and returned the dirt. Jon went back inside, let Odie out of the bedroom, and went back to his normal life.
The next day the police came to Jon's door. A neighbor had seen the digging and called 911. The police investigated and discovered Garfield's corpse. They didn't arrest Jon, but he knew that they almost certainly would soon. He petted Odie, who was as oblivious to the future as he was to the past.
There was nothing left to do but wait...
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Jon was sitting at the kitchen table; Odie was in front of him, tail wagging and drool spraying. Jon was upset about another woman turning him down for a date, about not having any friends, and about something that happened at work. He started telling Odie about it all.
Odie, naturally, couldn't understand a word of it; he just knew that he was being petted and that he had his daddy's attention. That, of course, is what made Odie perfect for that role. So Jon went through all of his sexual failures and insecurities, his loneliness, the various humiliations of his job, and all the little traumas of his life to that point.
A few minutes passed and the phone rang. It was an acquaintance of Jon's, who was fighting not to laugh. He told Jon that he should really check Garfield's blog.
Jon hung up the phone, gave Odie a kiss on the nose, and went to his computer. Odie followed him. Jon went to MySpace, found Garfield's blog, and saw a new audio clip had been posted. He clicked on it and became aware that Garfield had recorded everything that he had said to Odie and that it was where anyone could listen to it. There were already over a hundred comments. All of them were far less than complimentary towards Jon.
Jon's eyes changed from a sensitive, kind gaze to a cold, hard stare. He stepped out of the bedroom, locking Odie in behind him. Jon went to the kitchen.
He got out all of the ingredients to make lasagna, as well as a new box of rat poison. He added a large amount of rat poison to the sauce as he made the lasagna and then baked it. The lasagna was cooling on the counter when Garfield walked into the dining room, fresh off his nap.
A sick, dark smile flashed across Jon?s face until, by force of will, he replaced it with his usual expression. He offered the lasagna to Garfield and went back to the bedroom. He petted Odie in silence for the next hour before returning to the kitchen. Odie, still shut in the bedroom, was whimpering through the door. Garfield was lying on the dining room table, as if he often was. This time, however, he was lying dead next to an empty pan.
Jon got his shovel and went to the back yard. He dug a hole a few feet deep in the back yard, went back inside, got Garfield's body, put it in the hole, and returned the dirt. Jon went back inside, let Odie out of the bedroom, and went back to his normal life.
The next day the police came to Jon's door. A neighbor had seen the digging and called 911. The police investigated and discovered Garfield's corpse. They didn't arrest Jon, but he knew that they almost certainly would soon. He petted Odie, who was as oblivious to the future as he was to the past.
There was nothing left to do but wait...