The Amazing Adventures Of Kotetsu & Izumo: Chapter THIRTEEN

Kuroi Honoo

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The Amazing Adventures of Kotetsu & Izumo

Chapter 13: Treasure

[Review on last chapter]
The two unexpectedly cross paths with the Mizukage’s squad

Both Konoha Chuunin begin to be questioned but are abruptly interrupted by a third party

The third party is revealed to be Kurotsuchi who followed the pair and attacked the Kiri squad due to a misconception

Ao then continues with his questioning and eventually leaves

A gloomy Kurotsuchi soon departs as well feeling unable to confess something to Izumo

The pair finally continue on their journey

Before they’re to arrive in Konoha a group of cloaked figures assault the two shinobi who have yet to completely recover

Izumo sulks about his failed attempt

The pair discover they lost their map and search out someone who may be able to offer directions

They run into Kurostuchi who mistakes them for enemies and attacks to which they’re able to counter

After a brief discussion she leads them to her father’s location for answers

Kitsuchi confirms their story and the pair discusses what had occurred since arriving in his land and he orders his daughter to guide them to the border

Once they arrive at the border Kurotsuchi leaves and they embark the next territory

They begin passing through Kusagakure and encounter the Mizukage’s squad

They’re questioned and afterwards continue on their journey

Before they’re to arrive in Konoha a group of cloaked figures assault the two shinobi who have yet to completely recover

The Konoha pair opt to block the oncoming attacks but their defenses collapse due to the tri attack and their traces are left unknown

Note: Here it is the big finale! I released it semi-early because this week is going to be a busy for me. I hope it is an enjoyable read! ;)


Figure 1: I believe we got them both!

Figure 3: Maybe not..

Figure 2: Don't be so pessimistic!

Figure 1: Dame it they’re still moving-

Figure 1: (Shouting) Katon: Hibana no Jutsu!

[Jutsu Insight]
Name: Katon: Hibana no Jutsu (Fire Release: Spark Technique)
Classification: Ninjutsu
Type:
You must be registered for see images

Class: Offensive
Range:All ranges
Hand seals: Snake → Ox → Monkey → Tiger
Description: A wave of sparks is unleashed onto the target(s). The sparks are hot enough to ignite whatever it comes in contact with.

Narrator: This jutsu quickly sets the landscape ablaze as it moves in the direction of the two comrades. Seemingly both Konoha shinobi are swallowed up by the attack.

Kotetsu: *Panting* Suiton: Mizu Hougeki no Jutsu!

[Jutsu Insight]
Name: Suiton: Mizu Hougeki no Jutsu (Water Release: Water Cannonade Technique)
Classification: Ninjutsu
Type:
You must be registered for see images

Class: Offensive
Range: All ranges
Hand seals: Snake → Dog → Ram → Tiger
Description: The user blows numerous beams of chakra infused water towards the intended target.

Narrator: Projectiles of water are launched onto the fire resulting in heavy smoke.

Figure 1: (Whispering) They’re not giving up-watch carefully!

Narrator: Taking advantage of the obscuring vapor; Izumo then uses a jutsu.

Izumo: *Panting* Suiton: Mizuame Nabara!

[Jutsu Insight]
Name: Suiton: Mizuame Nabara (Water Release: Water Candy Capture Field)
Classification: Ninjutsu
Type:
You must be registered for see images

Rank: C-Rank
Class: Supplementary
Range: All ranges
Hand seals: Ram → Tiger
Description: The user spits out high-viscosity chakra infused water aimed for a surface of wide scope. It is a stream of sticky liquid which can be used to form an adhesive trap that can inhibit a target(s)'s mobility.

Narrator: Kotetsu then summoned his Conch Shell Mace and emitted chakra though his feet as he raced towards the three and leaped into the air for a strike.

[Summoning Insight]
Name: Conch Shell Mace
Description: This mace is a tool of Kotetsu's that he usually stores in a scroll and summons in battle when necessary. The mace resembles a conch shell with numerous sharp protrusions all over its surface and a marking in the centre that resembles an eye. It's hilt is wrapped in bandages and a chain connects the mace to the base of the hilt.

Figure 2: Huh..what is this?!

Figure 1: They must have planned this out!

Figure 3: I don't want to die!

Figure 1: We've been caught!

Narrator: Seemingly the leader of the group quickly prepared a long range attack when one of the figures removes their hood revealing them self to be Moegi as Kotetsu quickly changed his course nearly clashing with them and lands beside the three.

Kotetsu: What!..*pant*..its you kids!!!

Moegi: I was able to get a better view of you but we would’ve never attacked from the beginning If we knew who you two were..

Narrator: Her allies then followed her lead by removing their own hoods.

Konohamaru: (In thought) Why Moegi?

Moegi: We're sorry

Udon: We were only training out here-really!

Izumo: *Pant* When and how did you learn such-

Konohamaru: Through several inspirations-

Konohamaru: (In thought) And I was preparing to use my newest version of Rasengan..

Izumo: I see *pant*

Kotetsu: *Pant* I thought you three seemed young due to your height but your skills are something else-

Moegi: Please don't inform Ebisu-sensei-

Udon: He doesn't know that we've been trai-

Konohamaru: Stop giving them all our secrets!

Izumo: So that’s why you were all concealing yourselves..*pant*..these two will go a long distance as they are honest-and what do you have to say for yourself Konohamaru?

Konohamaru: (Shouting) I have no one and!-

Narrator: He quickly stooped himself from saying anything further and sharply turned his head in irritation.

Moegi: (Murmuring) ...You have us..

Kotetsu: *Pant* We accept-

Izumo: Kotetsu!

Kotetsu: If you promise to train in the training grounds instead-you may think because you gave us trouble..that it qualifies you all to be capable but that is farthest from the truth-

Izumo: He is right-at any given moment powerful ninjas could pass through here and you will all be in danger

Moegi: We promise!

Konohamaru: Moegi!

Moegi: (Whispers) Better this than punishment from Ebisu-sensei..

Konohamaru: Hmm..

Udon: (In thought) Thank goodness..

Kotetsu: We'll give you a head start so sneak in-whatever you have to do-just return!

Udon: Understood!

Moegi: Understood!

Narrator: All three Genin conceal themselves with their hoods and head back to the village.

Izumo: I'm surprised with your speech..

Kotetsu: I felt sorry for them and they reminded me of you trying to prove yourself-

Izumo: I see..

Narrator: They then began taking the final steps of their long journey towards the village.

Izumo: Here it is..

Kotetsu: Remember she will be grateful that we at least completed the mission-

Izumo: I know..

*Knock*

Tsunade: Come in!

Narrator: With her permission they entered as Izumo pulled out the pouch in which held the gems and placed them upon her desk.

Izumo: Tsu-Tsunade-sama..we completed our mission..

Tsunade: I knew I could count on you-

Izumo: You're mistaken!

Kotetsu: Izumo!

Tsuande: I see...you mean that nukenin?-I've received word that she is still free but-

Izumo: I failed at what I wanted to become-

Tsunade: Enough!-from what I heard you two almost captured her and in the process she was most likely weakened and that will be beneficial in the ongoing mission to seize her-I don't want to hear anymore of this as you two were more successful than I had initially expected!

Izumo: ...

Tsunade: I am finally in peace now that I have my grandfather's heirloom recovered and that is thanks to you both..

Kotetsu: Thank you Hokage-sama

Izumo: I apologize for-

Tsunade: Nothing..in fact you two are well on your way to becoming Jounin that is if you still want to?

Izumo: There is nothing more I'd like!-thank you Tsunade-sama

Tsunade: You two deserve it..now you are dismissed

Izumo: Yes!

Kotetsu: Alright!

Narrator: She then unraveled the pouch containing the gems and began to place them in the appropriate hold. Each individual gem glowed a deep illumination simultaneously until a sharp sound occurred.

*Click*

Narrator: Inside was a small unsealed scroll, a bigger sealed scroll and a diamond and ruby crusted hair piece in the shape of a rose. She picked up the smaller scroll unfolding it and read the words of her late grandfather.

Tsunade: *Blush* Ojii-sama..

To my beautiful granddaughter and proud grandson,

I have kept this hidden for so long and I'm delighted that you two will from now on have a piece of your mother with you for always. I gave this to your mother when she was a child and she had it up until her death. This is the only thing I could give you both to symbolize your mother and the last item is the sealed scroll which is intended only for you Tsunade as you are the oldest. It possesses the mechanisms behind a kinjutsu. My advice to you is to use it wisely. The reason why I concealed it was due to the many ninja who have lusted over these treasures as its value are irreplaceable and priceless. Whether you Tsunade wish to wear the hair piece or decide to remain keeping it hidden is up to you two. Your family loves you both and I hope that it will serve as even a fraction of closure to you both.

Always love one another and keep each other safe

Love Ojii-san


[Jutsu Insight]
Name: Byakugou no Jutsu [Hundred Strength Technique]
Classification: Kinjutsu, Ninjutsu, Medical Ninjutsu
Class: Supplementary
Description: This is a forbidden technique that is accessible to those who have mastered the Souzou Saisei (Creation Regeneration) and as such, is only known to and usable by Tsunade. While very similar in nature to its parent technique which facilitates the regeneration of injuries through accelerated cell division it however does not require the use of hand seals. Thus Tsunade's wounds would begin to heal as soon as they are inflicted. That is to say that where the Souzou Saisei (Creation Regeneration) needs Tsunade's input to both activate and define the duration of the healing process, any wound sustained while this technique is in effect will begin recovery automatically. Use of the technique requires the release of the Yin Seal but rather than just covering the face; the markings extend over the user's entire body.


Note: I did not filler any additions to this jutsu as I wanted to stay as accurate to the manga's depiction as possible. Again, as a reminder, the setting of this FF take place at some point before the Daiyonji Ninkai Taisen (Fourth Ninja World War) but after Orochimaru's sealing away. It isn't an exact pinpoint in time but at least an idea


Narrator: Memories of her childhood, family and crushing loss flooded back into her mind. Tears were shed but she knew that her grandfather wanted her and Nawaki to take it all in with joy not sorrow thus her lips curved gradually forming into a smile as she starred out her window into the sky.

Tsunade: (In thought) Ojii-san...I will

[Setting change: Amegakure]

Amegakure Translation
[Hidden Rain Village]

Ame: (In thought) I thought I’d be able to recover...is this the punishment for my sins *coughs blood*

Narrator: Heavy rain continued to downpour as a huge storm settled in over the village as the present villagers scurried off to their homes or for some kind of shelter. In the dim lit day due to the darkening of the storm, Ame could be seen staggering into an alleyway, shivering, heaving, gasping for air and appearing very ill.

Ame: (In thought) What a beautiful village...if only I found it sooner-at least *panting* I could reach it- *gasp*

Narrator: Drawing her last breath; instead of finishing her sentence in thought, she decided to glance up above the industrial buildings, into the showering sky and fell to the ground. Several hours have passed.

Figure: Hey are you okay?-You’re barely alive!

[Setting change: Konohagkure]

Narrator: The sun began setting and the Konoha comrades were both laid out on a building rooftop resting and viewing it after having left their Hokage.

Kotetsu: I wish we could have known what he gifted her

Izumo: Well that is for her eyes only..

Kotetsu: I know I know-

Izumo: I hope it brought her happiness..

Kotetsu: I'm sure it did and I'm glad we can relax and-

*Clang*

Figure: Tsunade-sama has a message for you Kamizuki Izumo..

Izumo: Aoba-san!

Kotetsu: (In thought) A message for him and nothing for me!

Aoba: It is as stated..the Oinin squad has returned back without international criminal Houzuki Ame-I will be upholding a meeting in ten minutes on the matter and you’re invited...

Oinin Translation
[Hunternin]

Kotetsu: (In thought) Dame it..this isn’t fair! She actually!-

Izumo: Yes-I’ll leave with you right away!-I’m sorry Kotetsu but maybe if you present some interest to her next time-

Kotetsu: Don’t worry about me!

Izumo: …

Aoba: If you’re ready Izumo-san..

Narrator: As the two faced the direction of the headquarters; Kotetsu turned his head with an angered facial expression. He then began to stand up and turned the opposite way.

Aoba: And Hagane Kotetsu-san...can take part if he accepts

Narrator: Kotetsu’s eyes widened as he knew the Hokage held no reason to include him especially with his carefree attitude.

Kotetsu: Really?

Narrator: Aoba concedes with a nod and Kotetsu’s excitement becomes difficult to keep within.

Kotetsu: But why did you pause with the rest of the message?!

Aoba: It is how Tsunade-sama wished..

Kotetsu: Huh?

Aoba: She felt that due to your usual attitude towards missions that the anticipation should eat at you..

Kotetsu: How cruel..

Izumo: *Chuckle*

Narrator: The three shinobi began their descent towards the Hokage office as Kotetsu then thought about attempting to make changes to his attitude therefore he would be worthy of his position. However, it is quickly coupled with thoughts of hard labor to which his expression changes into a frown. Izumo looks back at his partner with a smile to which Kotetsu quickly responds by forcing a simper.

END



Note: : I want to say thank you to all my loyal readers who read the entire thing xd I hope the ending I choose was not disappointing =DD



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~Uzumaki~

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Ha! Take that Ame! No one stab Kotetsu and gets away with it! *ahem* now returning to a more calm demeanour. Wonderful, superb ending. Those kids have unbelievable jutsu. The only part I had trouble with was that, well, it ended :shy:
 

Kuroi Honoo

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wow fantasting ending to the series
great job
but I still don't want it to end :T_T:
Thank you, I'm happy that you liked the ending and I myself would have liked it to continue but this ending was inevitable ^.^

Ha! Take that Ame! No one stab Kotetsu and gets away with it! *ahem* now returning to a more calm demeanour. Wonderful, superb ending. Those kids have unbelievable jutsu. The only part I had trouble with was that, well, it ended :shy:
XD I love your beginning statement as I posted it in my sig the first time you said but it never gets old lol Thank you-glad you liked it as well! Yes it ended and I am bittersweet as a result. Bitter that it ended of course and sweet that I won't have to scramble to edit, etc. bit I always enjoy it nevertheless ^.^
 

Sasuk3Uchiha

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Quite a fitting ending; I'm glad that after everything, you finally included my favorite Release, that of Fire - even if it was only by the 3 genin - It was still awesome in my opinion. And overall, you created an incredible fanfiction, one that will remain in my memory for quite some time as an enjoyable alternate story existing alongside the anime/manga series. You should be quite proud of yourself for your hard work, as am I and all those who have supported your Fanfiction from beginning to end. Congratulations on a great ending.
 

danivass

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A bit of a cliffhanger as to Ame's fate there, huh? I guess we'll never know (or maybe just not in this fanfiction) then :)
Well, I may have been expecting a Konoha border patrol but not three genin xd Did they train their behinds off? It seems like they progressed quite a bit.
Woohoo, Kotetsu and Izumo finally both attend an anbu meeting :p
I like how you tied the regeneration jutsu from the manga in your fanfiction, it certainly adds a nice touch to it all. A great finale, loved every single part of it!
 

Aze

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:) the final twist was amazing :)

+ the shodai hokages gift for grandchildren was awesome ^^

It was fun too read your FF , but have more future FF plans?^^


and + rep :scorps:
 

Maina Deah

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That was a nice ending. You gave Kotetsu and Izumo and other minor characters the roles I cant imagine they can do.
I also like Konohamaru and his friends scene. You really deserve a rep ;)
 

Sophie Ezra

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it was a very good final chapter i like the whole thing it was AWSOME i liked the part with Konohamaru, Moegi & Udon and also i like the note left by Tsunade's grandfather and what he gave her i really enjoy this Fan fic alot i dont want it to end :T_T:

you inspire me to keep on writing plus rep let me know if you make another Fan fic
 
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Gilda

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*Starts the melodrama*
The end of this FF just made me sad for the reason that it reminded me all the times I spent reading it through quiet weekends. Oh well, really it was a good ending. Nice job, lol. XP
 

Kuroi Honoo

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Quite a fitting ending; I'm glad that after everything, you finally included my favorite Release, that of Fire - even if it was only by the 3 genin - It was still awesome in my opinion. And overall, you created an incredible fanfiction, one that will remain in my memory for quite some time as an enjoyable alternate story existing alongside the anime/manga series. You should be quite proud of yourself for your hard work, as am I and all those who have supported your Fanfiction from beginning to end. Congratulations on a great ending.
Actually, I did in fact incorporate a Katon jutsu earlier with Atsui-though it was many chapters ago and I believe he only used one and it was also in part with his word thus not a full-fledged Katon I suppose :p xd However, I will say that Katon was definitely an element I could have used more often and for some reason decided not to. I wish I could have known as I love to please my readers -_- I’m just happy I used it at all. I can’t tell you how happy I am that you felt that way. I am proud that my readers were satisfied with the overall/ending of my FF. Thank you so much for your words! ^.^

A bit of a cliffhanger as to Ame's fate there, huh? I guess we'll never know (or maybe just not in this fanfiction) then :)
Well, I may have been expecting a Konoha border patrol but not three genin xd Did they train their behinds off? It seems like they progressed quite a bit.
Woohoo, Kotetsu and Izumo finally both attend an anbu meeting :p
I like how you tied the regeneration jutsu from the manga in your fanfiction, it certainly adds a nice touch to it all. A great finale, loved every single part of it!
Yes-I’m glad someone mentioned her as her role in this final chapter was so brief and her fate is open for my readers to decide for now lol It felt nice to incorporate the three genin and to boost their skills as such ^.^ Yes, what should’ve happened in the manga a while ago however, there is still time and its possible that Kishi will have the chunnin pair advance in rank xd I actually was not going to include her newest jutsu but decided to well late on lol Thank you so much for your support! ;)

:) the final twist was amazing :)

+ the shodai hokages gift for grandchildren was awesome ^^

It was fun too read your FF , but have more future FF plans?^^


and + rep :scorps:
Nice how you chose to use the word amazing xd I’m glad that you liked the heirlooms. Thank you and yes I actually do have future FF plans. However, its still under wraps and I’m not sure everyone would be a fan of the topic I’m going to use. I’m also not exactly sure if it is what I’m going to base my newest FF off but it is for now. I haven’t even brainstormed yet but I will eventually. I’m going to be starting a job either by the end of this week or the following thus I will become very busy and it will be more difficult to do another FF but I will do my best ;) Thank you for following my work to the end ^.^

That was a nice ending. You gave Kotetsu and Izumo and other minor characters the roles I cant imagine they can do.
I also like Konohamaru and his friends scene. You really deserve a rep ;)
Right, I picked up Kishi’s slack and did his dirty work xd *I joke* Hopefully, Kishi does offer more screentime to this amazing duo lol Glad you liked what I did with the three genin ^.^ Thank for you being here until the end :)

it was a very good final chapter i like the whole thing it was AWSOME i liked the part with Konohamaru, Moegi & Udon and also i like the note left by Tsunade's grandfather and what he gave her i really enjoy this Fan fic alot i dont want it to end :T_T:

you inspire me to keep on writing plus rep let me know if you make another Fan fic
lol I’ve been getting that a lot and you know what they say "all good things should come to an end" *joke* I don’t want to sound conceited as I’m just happy that all my readers seemingly accepted the ending ^.^ I’m pleased to know that I can and do inspire people to write their own-thank you ;)

*Starts the melodrama*
The end of this FF just made me sad for the reason that it reminded me all the times I spent reading it through quiet weekends. Oh well, really it was a good ending. Nice job, lol. XP
lol Your post opened my eyes and I did not know that my FF could have a soothing touch =DD Thank you for sharing that as that tells me I did something right with this FF ^.^
 

Sophie Ezra

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lol I’ve been getting that a lot and you know what they say "all good things should come to an end" *joke* I don’t want to sound conceited as I’m just happy that all my readers seemingly accepted the ending ^.^ I’m pleased to know that I can and do inspire people to write their own-thank you ;)[/FONT


its ok you give me lots of ideas as well keep insiring us all and write another one when you can take your time :)
 
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Hakachi

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Totally amazing! After finally finishing all of the chapters I missed, I am absolutely glad to say that this fanfic is as amazing as your usual work if not more so.100/10 :)
 

Michael92

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Hmm... where to start I wonder... As I'm writing the introduction of this post, I still haven't read chapter 3-13. However, I have freshened up my memory by reading chapter 1 and 2 again. Since I'm writing like a big-ass-sum-up review that I will post on your final chapter now, instead of reviving each one of them, I'll be dividing this post into chapter fragments and make a comment on each chapter individually as I go. Hope that's fine by you :p And I hope that this post won't be too longxd Fell free to divide your reply in the same manner if you like;)

Chapter 3: I've said it previously, and I'll say it again... The way Izumo and Koketsu interacts with each other are so ingeniously done, I can't help laugh as they make a humorous scene of themselves every time they interact with a female character xd Well done! Especially the "day after" part in this chapter where Mei visits them in the morning to begin helping them out with the search for the gem and Koketsu panics as he finds out that he's a train-wreck in front of her, after a hard night of sleep on the floor :lmao:

(This comment is more in general, regarding your FF, rather than pointed directly at chapter 3) I spotted some inconsistency regarding some present and past forms of words in some sentences here and there, and perhaps some unusual choice of words sometimes, but nothing big, so I'll leave it at that.

All the jutsus we've seen so far are great and very descriptively done. I'm unsure whether they're real jutsus made by Kishi or if they're made up by you. Well done!

The plot so far has been both interesting and intriguing. I'm kind of getting the Action-comedy vibe over it all, and I think it fits this FF perfectly. Not too serious and not just humor either... I like it :p:D

Chapter 4: Omoi, Karui, Samui and Atsui... Brilliant move bringing them into the story, and not just some random shinobies ;) One thing that I noticed that perhaps Omoi lacked, is his resistance towards agreeing with Karui and him being more worried, like he always is. Like he could have said something like; "[Are you sure Karui? - your line] I mean, Samui said she would check them out first and that we shouldn't attack them. If we do, it might cause an uproar which then leads to a war, and lots of people will die..." And she could reply by smacking his head or something, telling him not to worry. Just my two cents though ;)

Something I've thought of, that's not really necessary as it takes away some of the imagination of the readers, but what I think could have been cool is if you added the rank of the jutsus in your jutsu description, like they do in the role-play section :p Something to think about for future work if you agree with me ;)

"Narrator: She briefly bows her head and began to walk away with the iryou-nin as Kotetsu could not help but to stare at her backside." xd:lmao::rofl: Hilarious!

Judging by the end of this chapter, it looks like Killerbee will be introduced in the next... can't wait :p:D

Chapter 5: So no Killerbee:p Oh well, though you kind off had us by the fingertip for a moment there... so close, but thus so far O__O I do wonder how the story would have played out if they encountered him in his training ground. Being a free spirit as he is, maybe he would have gone with them xd;)

One thing that I noticed, which kind of is in the same manner as the points me and Escorp mentioned on chapter 1 of yours. They're traveling to the sand village next after finding the lightning gem, but it would have been alot easier to travel to the stone village first, then the sand, judging by the Naruto world map;



Oh well, not a too big of a deal:p

So far so good. The plot seems to be coming to a close, but since I haven't reached the halfway point yet, I have a feeling there is going to be some story after meeting up with Tsunade again. It will probably reveal the location for some super weapon, and they, alongside Tsunade and some of Konoha's top shinobies, will have to retrieve it or something :p

Chapter 6: I love how it's always Koketsu and Izumo's clones that are attacked/captured every time something happens xd:p It almost becomes a little predictable in a humorous way :xd

I've noticed that you've used the phrase "Damn it" wrong a couple of times throughout your FF. You've written "Dame It" which kind of sounds like a slang of the word... don't know it that's the purpose, but picturing the characters saying "Damn it" like "daaaaame it" doesn't sound quite rightxd:p

Something I've been thinking about while reading your jutsu description, much like with my previous input. I've seen that you describe the hand seals for each jutsu like dog --> Ram, etc, but not everyone knows which seal is what. If you were able to add in an image of the seals beside the name or with the name on them, like the image you have for the elements, then that would be easier to grasp as I always forget and have to search up the hand seals on google to be sure. Just another tips to have in mind for any future FF :p;)

*snickers* returns. Got to love that expression :pxd

The battles are heating up and this one maxed it out to the fullest. The fact that you're able to make the battles and the story this interesting with the limited canon characters you use still manages to amaze me. Well done once again. Next chapter!

Chapter 7: Was it just me or was this chapter shorter than the rest so far? It might be because it was pretty much straight forward, but still, a good chapter that brought the plot forward, as well as further showing the great relationship and teamwork between Koketsu and Izumo. Excellent work again my friend;)

After reading some chapters now, I've noticed your new signature and I can't help thinking it's related to this FF. And now with this new chick introduced and an inevitable battle to begin, I'm getting a feeling it's taken straight from your FF, yet along with the next chapter titled Fatality...

Chapter 8: I notice that the Water Dragon Bullet techniques actually had a Rank description... Does this means that those with rank description are Kishi made and those without are made by you?

Something that's been bugging me a little over the course of the chapters I've read so far; something that I've notice seem to differ from your previous FFs... The way the narrator sometimes describes what happens seems a little out of present... kind of like a documentary host explaining. I've seen it rarely though, so it's nothing big, but sometimes it feels like the narrator is just confirming what happens next like; "he then got pierced and he almost died." It's like the narrator isn't passionate enough at times, but instead he's a bit bored... not really sure what to call it. Thought I would mention it.

Here's an example; "Narrator: Her jutsu was too fast to avoid thus Kotetsu is pierced. However..." This sentence fells too simplified. A little too straight forward if you get what I'm saying. Like he could have said; "Izumo came running in to aid his friend, but her jutsu was just too fast for Izumo to get there in time. Koketsu was unable to avoid the attack as Izumo watched him get pierced by it from behind. However..."

Suigetsu's sister?!:eek: She got to be! :D

The transfer from Koketsu's wound being healed and the two of them resuming the search for the gem and almost finding it before the chapter ends seems a bit hasted. Maybe you could have extended the scene here by the two of them talking about resuming the search, then heading of deeper into the Tsuchi territory.

All in all, a great chapter and great battle description! My personal favorite battle thus far. The plot is thickening as we close in on the final.

Read through the comments, and just like I expected:

Awesome as always. Hope they get her later on in the story. No one stabs Kotetsu and gets away with it.
Haha, I shouldn't have studied and laid too much thought into your signature that much after all xD:p

Chapter 9: Wow... I read through this chapter so fast I forgot to take up notes as I went one... I must say, this was one of your best, if not the best.

Your combination of already established and self made jutsus are astonishing, and the way Koketsu and Izumo utilize them are exceptionally well done. I'll just leap towards the next chapter if you don't mind :p

Chapter 10: Damn, it's getting more and more tense. Excellent done once again my friend. The fact that you've given Izumo and Koketsu this many jutsus, and still you're able to pull them each off without them seeming fodder-ish is admirable indeed. I especially liked the Hurricane technique, and it got me thinking... If they actually knew all these techniques, then maybe Izumo should have taught some of his Wind style techniques to Naruto :p

And here comes the backup squad :zonder:

Chapter 11: You sure like giving out early releases, don't you? xd ^^

The story is progressing quite well and the humorous part of your FF returns xd I just have to feel pity on the pair as they always get attacked without notice:lmao: I wonder if they understood that Kitsuchi wasn't Onoki? xd:p
Well played introducing him and Kurotsuchi ;) Again I raced through this chapter and it was entertaining as always.

Chapter 12: Omg.... I'm just going to skip to the Final chapter as I can't wait anymore:p Great as usually, and the character interaction and development is excellent!

Chapter 13: Being as I've summed up each chapter individually, I won't be making that big of a sum up note on this chapter, except for the chapter's content that is;)

Wow... that was unexpected xd:eek: Never thought the fight would have that outcome. Well thought out!

I had a feeling that this FF would end like this with the treasure being something special to Tsunade and not some super weapon to wage war:p

So Ame did in fact manage to get away it seems with that cliffhanger ending of someone finding her? I wonder if she made it or if she died, but the fact that she was wounded that bad by Koketsu and Izumo shows that they actually succeeded after all without knowing it :p

"Tsunade: Nothing..in fact you two are well on your way to becoming Jounin that is if you still want to?

Izumo: There is nothing more I'd like!-thank you Tsunade-sama

Tsunade: You two deserve it..now you are dismissed"

Did you just promote them both to Jounins here or did I just miss-read?:eek:
Contradictory to the manga, or maybe they have been secretly promoted off screen in the manga ;) I like it:p

All in all a great FF my friend. I feel like you continue to evolve as a writer, although I must add that my personal favorite is still Infernal Rebirth :p However, I'll rank this over Black Despair, so it's by no mean a let down or anything if that's what you think by reading this ;)

I'll give it a 9/10 and phenomenally well written. Can't wait for the sequel of Infernal Rebirth now, whatever you've planned out and whenever it will make its debut;)
 
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Hmm... where to start I wonder... As I'm writing the introduction of this post, I still haven't read chapter 3-13. However, I have freshened up my memory by reading chapter 1 and 2 again. Since I'm writing like a big-ass-sum-up review that I will post on your final chapter now, instead of reviving each one of them, I'll be dividing this post into chapter fragments and make a comment on each chapter individually as I go. Hope that's fine by you :p And I hope that this post won't be too longxd Fell free to divide your reply in the same manner if you like;)

Chapter 3: I've said it previously, and I'll say it again... The way Izumo and Koketsu interacts with each other are so ingeniously done, I can't help laugh as they make a humorous scene of themselves every time they interact with a female character xd Well done! Especially the "day after" part in this chapter where Mei visits them in the morning to begin helping them out with the search for the gem and Koketsu panics as he finds out that he's a train-wreck in front of her, after a hard night of sleep on the floor :lmao:

(This comment is more in general, regarding your FF, rather than pointed directly at chapter 3) I spotted some inconsistency regarding some present and past forms of words in some sentences here and there, and perhaps some unusual choice of words sometimes, but nothing big, so I'll leave it at that.

All the jutsus we've seen so far are great and very descriptively done. I'm unsure whether they're real jutsus made by Kishi or if they're made up by you. Well done!

The plot so far has been both interesting and intriguing. I'm kind of getting the Action-comedy vibe over it all, and I think it fits this FF perfectly. Not too serious and not just humor either... I like it :p:D

Chapter 4: Omoi, Karui, Samui and Atsui... Brilliant move bringing them into the story, and not just some random shinobies ;) One thing that I noticed that perhaps Omoi lacked, is his resistance towards agreeing with Karui and him being more worried, like he always is. Like he could have said something like; "[Are you sure Karui? - your line] I mean, Samui said she would check them out first and that we shouldn't attack them. If we do, it might cause an uproar which then leads to a war, and lots of people will die..." And she could reply by smacking his head or something, telling him not to worry. Just my two cents though ;)

Something I've thought of, that's not really necessary as it takes away some of the imagination of the readers, but what I think could have been cool is if you added the rank of the jutsus in your jutsu description, like they do in the role-play section :p Something to think about for future work if you agree with me ;)

"Narrator: She briefly bows her head and began to walk away with the iryou-nin as Kotetsu could not help but to stare at her backside." xd:lmao::rofl: Hilarious!

Judging by the end of this chapter, it looks like Killerbee will be introduced in the next... can't wait :p:D

Chapter 5: So no Killerbee:p Oh well, though you kind off had us by the fingertip for a moment there... so close, but thus so far O__O I do wonder how the story would have played out if they encountered him in his training ground. Being a free spirit as he is, maybe he would have gone with them xd;)

One thing that I noticed, which kind of is in the same manner as the points me and Escorp mentioned on chapter 1 of yours. They're traveling to the sand village next after finding the lightning gem, but it would have been alot easier to travel to the stone village first, then the sand, judging by the Naruto world map;



Oh well, not a too big of a deal:p

So far so good. The plot seems to be coming to a close, but since I haven't reached the halfway point yet, I have a feeling there is going to be some story after meeting up with Tsunade again. It will probably reveal the location for some super weapon, and they, alongside Tsunade and some of Konoha's top shinobies, will have to retrieve it or something :p

Chapter 6: I love how it's always Koketsu and Izumo's clones that are attacked/captured every time something happens xd:p It almost becomes a little predictable in a humorous way :xd

I've noticed that you've used the phrase "Damn it" wrong a couple of times throughout your FF. You've written "Dame It" which kind of sounds like a slang of the word... don't know it that's the purpose, but picturing the characters saying "Damn it" like "daaaaame it" doesn't sound quite rightxd:p

Something I've been thinking about while reading your jutsu description, much like with my previous input. I've seen that you describe the hand seals for each jutsu like dog --> Ram, etc, but not everyone knows which seal is what. If you were able to add in an image of the seals beside the name or with the name on them, like the image you have for the elements, then that would be easier to grasp as I always forget and have to search up the hand seals on google to be sure. Just another tips to have in mind for any future FF :p;)

*snickers* returns. Got to love that expression :pxd

The battles are heating up and this one maxed it out to the fullest. The fact that you're able to make the battles and the story this interesting with the limited canon characters you use still manages to amaze me. Well done once again. Next chapter!

Chapter 7: Was it just me or was this chapter shorter than the rest so far? It might be because it was pretty much straight forward, but still, a good chapter that brought the plot forward, as well as further showing the great relationship and teamwork between Koketsu and Izumo. Excellent work again my friend;)

After reading some chapters now, I've noticed your new signature and I can't help thinking it's related to this FF. And now with this new chick introduced and an inevitable battle to begin, I'm getting a feeling it's taken straight from your FF, yet along with the next chapter titled Fatality...

Chapter 8: I notice that the Water Dragon Bullet techniques actually had a Rank description... Does this means that those with rank description are Kishi made and those without are made by you?

Something that's been bugging me a little over the course of the chapters I've read so far; something that I've notice seem to differ from your previous FFs... The way the narrator sometimes describes what happens seems a little out of present... kind of like a documentary host explaining. I've seen it rarely though, so it's nothing big, but sometimes it feels like the narrator is just confirming what happens next like; "he then got pierced and he almost died." It's like the narrator isn't passionate enough at times, but instead he's a bit bored... not really sure what to call it. Thought I would mention it.

Here's an example; "Narrator: Her jutsu was too fast to avoid thus Kotetsu is pierced. However..." This sentence fells too simplified. A little too straight forward if you get what I'm saying. Like he could have said; "Izumo came running in to aid his friend, but her jutsu was just too fast for Izumo to get there in time. Koketsu was unable to avoid the attack as Izumo watched him get pierced by it from behind. However..."

Suigetsu's sister?!:eek: She got to be! :D

The transfer from Koketsu's wound being healed and the two of them resuming the search for the gem and almost finding it before the chapter ends seems a bit hasted. Maybe you could have extended the scene here by the two of them talking about resuming the search, then heading of deeper into the Tsuchi territory.

All in all, a great chapter and great battle description! My personal favorite battle thus far. The plot is thickening as we close in on the final.

Read through the comments, and just like I expected:



Haha, I shouldn't have studied and laid too much thought into your signature that much after all xD:p

Chapter 9: Wow... I read through this chapter so fast I forgot to take up notes as I went one... I must say, this was one of your best, if not the best.

Your combination of already established and self made jutsus are astonishing, and the way Koketsu and Izumo utilize them are exceptionally well done. I'll just leap towards the next chapter if you don't mind :p

Chapter 10: Damn, it's getting more and more tense. Excellent done once again my friend. The fact that you've given Izumo and Koketsu this many jutsus, and still you're able to pull them each off without them seeming fodder-ish is admirable indeed. I especially liked the Hurricane technique, and it got me thinking... If they actually knew all these techniques, then maybe Izumo should have taught some of his Wind style techniques to Naruto :p

And here comes the backup squad :zonder:

Chapter 11: You sure like giving out early releases, don't you? xd ^^

The story is progressing quite well and the humorous part of your FF returns xd I just have to feel pity on the pair as they always get attacked without notice:lmao: I wonder if they understood that Kitsuchi wasn't Onoki? xd:p
Well played introducing him and Kurotsuchi ;) Again I raced through this chapter and it was entertaining as always.

Chapter 12: Omg.... I'm just going to skip to the Final chapter as I can't wait anymore:p Great as usually, and the character interaction and development is excellent!

Chapter 13: Being as I've summed up each chapter individually, I won't be making that big of a sum up note on this chapter, except for the chapter's content that is;)

Wow... that was unexpected xd:eek: Never thought the fight would have that outcome. Well thought out!

I had a feeling that this FF would end like this with the treasure being something special to Tsunade and not some super weapon to wage war:p

So Ame did in fact manage to get away it seems with that cliffhanger ending of someone finding her? I wonder if she made it or if she died, but the fact that she was wounded that bad by Koketsu and Izumo shows that they actually succeeded after all without knowing it :p

"Tsunade: Nothing..in fact you two are well on your way to becoming Jounin that is if you still want to?

Izumo: There is nothing more I'd like!-thank you Tsunade-sama

Tsunade: You two deserve it..now you are dismissed"

Did you just promote them both to Jounins here or did I just miss-read?:eek:
Contradictory to the manga, or maybe they have been secretly promoted off screen in the manga ;) I like it:p

All in all a great FF my friend. I feel like you continue to evolve as a writer, although I must add that my personal favorite is still Infernal Rebirth :p However, I'll rank this over Black Despair, so it's by no mean a let down or anything if that's what you think by reading this ;)

I'll give it a 9/10 and phenomenally well written. Can't wait for the sequel of Infernal Rebirth now, whatever you've planned out and whenever it will make its debut;)
First off, you’re the master of replies! I think no one can out do you not even Irfan xd This review seems twice as big than the one for Helvetes lol You have skill in recalling things that I’ve missed or misspelled, etc. I’m glad that you liked how I incorporated comedy with action ^.^ Thank you for re-reading chapters one/two by the way ;) I think I will break it up as you had commented over lol

Chapter 3: When I read the word inconsistency from you I was like oh no-I’ve failed yet again! Yes I have mixed Kishi and my own jutsu into this FF but I should have at the very least made a brief note of who it belonged to either me or Kishi :sy:

Chapter 4: Thank you for the compliment on the addition of Team Samui ;) I suppose I was rushing this FF so much that in doing so I missed key points on the non-main character’s traits, etc. For that I feel bad as I really did want to get Kishi’s characters as close to how he depicts them -_- I loved your Team Samui e.g.-It felt like the real thing! And thank you for your two cents. Yeah I suppose I was lazy about the Ranks but if I was providing practically every detail for each jutsu I should have completed it with the ranks -_- Thus I agree with you and thanks for your input ;) Glad to see my humorous side of writing works :)

Chapter 5: I apologize my friend-it seems like you really like Kirabi’s character and I didn’t add him in T_T I think I had thought about it but decided against it however I should have as it would have definitely added some craziness to the story and good idea on how it could have been lol Yes their traveling was a huge dilemma for me and I’m saddened to hear that I have failed once more here. I will say that I didn’t want them traveling in unmarked territory even though I made it like they never entered some of the lands but I didn’t want them entering other smaller villages, etc. especially ones that Kishi had yet to reveal. Maybe I should have done it the way you mentioned but something about having to narrate through unrevealed land made me feel insecure even though this was a FF and I could anything I wanted -_- I really like your somewhat prediction about the treasure being a super weapon xd And thanks for providing the map lol

Chapter 6: lol I suppose I made it so they were that much more cautious to send out clones rather than themselves to act as a meat shield xd Nice find about the curse word lol I think because there are a lot of words that I may say out loud but typing is a whole different story thus I simply write it out as I may pronounce or think its spelled rather than taking the time to check out whether it's correct or not-now I know though lol Interesting point about posting a pic of the hand seals-that is definitely something to consider next time-thanks for both inputs ;)

Chapter 7: Yes this chapter was short and whenever I post shortened chapters, I like to compare it to the occasional short manga chapters that are released xd I know the two sentences in my ig are from this FF and I just had to showcase it :D

Chapter 8: That just goes to show how lazy I was when it came to giving each jutsu a rank that I only applied it to Kishi jutsu-I know shame on me. Again I think this was due to me rushing through this FF thus I simply didn’t make the proper time to proofread. Thank you however for pointing that out as the I will apply this to the next FFs I create ;) Ame possibly being a close relative of Suigetsu was indirectly left to everyone’s imagination lol The fast pacing through Kotetsu’s healing and finding the next gem was all once again due to hastiness of completing this FF -_-

Chapter 9: Thank you for your compliment ;)

Chapter 10: I’m glad that I was at least able to seemingly pull off each jutsu makes me feel a pinch better about this yes I’ll rehash it-wreckage of a FF! Venting done for now lol About Izumo possibly teaching Naruto new Fuuton jutsu will not be happening as Izumo does not as far as us readers know have Fuuton and Kotetsu either Sui/Doton for that matter :p It would have been nice however -_- lol at your backup squa comment.

Chapter 11: Well, eerily enough something would come up whether an appointment or something else to keep me from going on Tuesdays o_O Nice find and I myself am not sure about the two knowing the difference between Onoki and his son I suppose that is for the reader’s imagination or my incompetence once more.

Chapter 12: Thank you :)

Chapter 13: I’m also pleased to see that I can still succeed in the battle portion of my story. lol Well, you’re too adept and I can definitely see you predicting pretty accurately. I suppose calling it treasure also didn’t help lol Yes, even though there were people who wanted her death xd I decided to leave her existence open and yet again you point out something interesting about Izumo/Kotetsu did indeed succeed unbeknownst to them lol Yes, shockingly you misread Tsunade’s quote as she stated "you two are well on your way to becoming Jounin that is if you still want to" She was insinuating that they were on the right path to becoming a Jonin then asked if they still even wanted to eventually be promoted to this rank.

My favorite is also Helvetes ^.^ Oh yes, definitely as Black despair was my starting point thus the mistakes there would be exciting all throughout it xd Thank you for rating it that high though I feel somewhere in the 5 level and I should feel that way as I really let myself down by rushing through and not robbing this FF of what I gave to Helvetes for e.g. -_- However, I’m just glad that you liked it overall ^.^ Yes, I cannot wait to release Helvetes 2 =DD
 

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First off, you’re the master of replies! I think no one can out do you not even Irfan xd This review seems twice as big than the one for Helvetes lol You have skill in recalling things that I’ve missed or misspelled, etc. I’m glad that you liked how I incorporated comedy with action ^.^ Thank you for re-reading chapters one/two by the way ;) I think I will break it up as you had commented over lol

Chapter 3: When I read the word inconsistency from you I was like oh no-I’ve failed yet again! Yes I have mixed Kishi and my own jutsu into this FF but I should have at the very least made a brief note of who it belonged to either me or Kishi :sy:

Chapter 4: Thank you for the compliment on the addition of Team Samui ;) I suppose I was rushing this FF so much that in doing so I missed key points on the non-main character’s traits, etc. For that I feel bad as I really did want to get Kishi’s characters as close to how he depicts them -_- I loved your Team Samui e.g.-It felt like the real thing! And thank you for your two cents. Yeah I suppose I was lazy about the Ranks but if I was providing practically every detail for each jutsu I should have completed it with the ranks -_- Thus I agree with you and thanks for your input ;) Glad to see my humorous side of writing works :)

Chapter 5: I apologize my friend-it seems like you really like Kirabi’s character and I didn’t add him in T_T I think I had thought about it but decided against it however I should have as it would have definitely added some craziness to the story and good idea on how it could have been lol Yes their traveling was a huge dilemma for me and I’m saddened to hear that I have failed once more here. I will say that I didn’t want them traveling in unmarked territory even though I made it like they never entered some of the lands but I didn’t want them entering other smaller villages, etc. especially ones that Kishi had yet to reveal. Maybe I should have done it the way you mentioned but something about having to narrate through unrevealed land made me feel insecure even though this was a FF and I could anything I wanted -_- I really like your somewhat prediction about the treasure being a super weapon xd And thanks for providing the map lol

Chapter 6: lol I suppose I made it so they were that much more cautious to send out clones rather than themselves to act as a meat shield xd Nice find about the curse word lol I think because there are a lot of words that I may say out loud but typing is a whole different story thus I simply write it out as I may pronounce or think its spelled rather than taking the time to check out whether it's correct or not-now I know though lol Interesting point about posting a pic of the hand seals-that is definitely something to consider next time-thanks for both inputs ;)

Chapter 7: Yes this chapter was short and whenever I post shortened chapters, I like to compare it to the occasional short manga chapters that are released xd I know the two sentences in my ig are from this FF and I just had to showcase it :D

Chapter 8: That just goes to show how lazy I was when it came to giving each jutsu a rank that I only applied it to Kishi jutsu-I know shame on me. Again I think this was due to me rushing through this FF thus I simply didn’t make the proper time to proofread. Thank you however for pointing that out as the I will apply this to the next FFs I create ;) Ame possibly being a close relative of Suigetsu was indirectly left to everyone’s imagination lol The fast pacing through Kotetsu’s healing and finding the next gem was all once again due to hastiness of completing this FF -_-

Chapter 9: Thank you for your compliment ;)

Chapter 10: I’m glad that I was at least able to seemingly pull off each jutsu makes me feel a pinch better about this yes I’ll rehash it-wreckage of a FF! Venting done for now lol About Izumo possibly teaching Naruto new Fuuton jutsu will not be happening as Izumo does not as far as us readers know have Fuuton and Kotetsu either Sui/Doton for that matter :p It would have been nice however -_- lol at your backup squa comment.

Chapter 11: Well, eerily enough something would come up whether an appointment or something else to keep me from going on Tuesdays o_O Nice find and I myself am not sure about the two knowing the difference between Onoki and his son I suppose that is for the reader’s imagination or my incompetence once more.

Chapter 12: Thank you :)

Chapter 13: I’m also pleased to see that I can still succeed in the battle portion of my story. lol Well, you’re too adept and I can definitely see you predicting pretty accurately. I suppose calling it treasure also didn’t help lol Yes, even though there were people who wanted her death xd I decided to leave her existence open and yet again you point out something interesting about Izumo/Kotetsu did indeed succeed unbeknownst to them lol Yes, shockingly you misread Tsunade’s quote as she stated "you two are well on your way to becoming Jounin that is if you still want to" She was insinuating that they were on the right path to becoming a Jonin then asked if they still even wanted to eventually be promoted to this rank.

My favorite is also Helvetes ^.^ Oh yes, definitely as Black despair was my starting point thus the mistakes there would be exciting all throughout it xd Thank you for rating it that high though I feel somewhere in the 5 level and I should feel that way as I really let myself down by rushing through and not robbing this FF of what I gave to Helvetes for e.g. -_- However, I’m just glad that you liked it overall ^.^ Yes, I cannot wait to release Helvetes 2 =DD
Haha, the fact that you say that I'm able to out-rank Irfan when it comes to review is surprising as I would never deem my reviews as big and detailed as his xd But thanks, looks like he now has a rival :zonder: JKxd

Yeah I think this review is larger than the one for IR/HG, but I guess that's maily because I reviewed each chapter individually this time instead of writing one big sum up at the end, as I mainly did with IR/HG.

If I'm going to reply to everything you've replied with, we'll never be done with this, so I'm just going to reply to the most "replyable" inputs if that's fine by you :p;)xd

Chapter 3: Haha, there is no need for that :p That's what's so amazing about your FF, the fact that it's impossible to differ Kishi's and your jutus. That's how believable they are, and you should be proud;) I do not point out what jutsus are mine and what jutsus are Kishi's either, so why should you;)

Chapter 4: Well except for maybe that Omoi trait, you really nailed all of Kishi's characters perfectly if you ask me. That's one of the reason why I mentioned Omoi as well, because that's perhaps the only thing I noticed differed a bit from Kishi's Omoi. But all in all, there was never any errors like Mei being an angry douche or something:p

By no means, your jutsu descriptions are marvelous! The only reason I thought I would mention it is if you wanted to make them even more detailed by adding ranks;)

Chapter 5: Stop saying you've failed all the time, geezxd You've never failed me or anyone for that matter, lol. I hope that my inputs aren't getting too hard on you, as that's never the intention;)

Well you can't always have everything you plan in your FF. Just look at me! For example, the fact that there was no battle in Sasuke Chronicles 3, the fact that I never showed the battle when Sasuke's convoy was attack by Ryu and Nobunaga on their way to the kage meeting, the fact that I never showed Killerbee's fight with Tobi, Kabuto and Akashi and how he was defeated, etc :p

Haha, that's one of the reason why I carefully studied the Naruto World map as I wrote my first FF, as I knew I was "touching delicate areas" and that if I did a mistake by referring to lands that shouldn't be on their road, etc, I would screw up and make some sort of a plot hole, lol. But like I said or wanted to say, not that big of a deal;)

Chapter 6: Yeah I know far too well how it is to mess up some wordsxd

;)

Chapter 10: Haha I seexd

Chapter 13: Well about Tsunade's line, I initially thought that it was lined out like you just said, but being as the two of them thanking her and she saying that they deserved it, made it seem a little like she in fact did promote them :p

^^ Good to hear that we agree on this one as I had a small hunch that you would feel like you had failed me for not liking this FF better than IR/HG :p
When looking back at your FFs, and If I were to rank them all, I would probably go like this:

BD 8/10, IR/HG 10/10, and then TAAOK&I 9/10
 
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