The Amazing Adventures Of Kotetsu & Izumo!: Chapter ONE

[WastedMonkey]

nice work dude

 

[Kuroi Honoo]

I find it extremely amazing. First chapters are always a tough job, I guess but you pulled it very swiftly and with craftsmanship that's unique to you. While reading, I realized how I missed that language of yours and that literary style. It's so endearing.

One point that I found risky in this chapter was to give a mission that involves Shodaime to 2 Chuunins like Kotetsu and Izumo. But you presented them so well and made them so likable that it clicked very easily. Those constant 'mind insults/jabs' of those 2 were brilliant.

One thing that bugged me was how quickly they reached Kiri. But I guess, there was no point to lengthen that journey.

I liked the concept of the gems though and it indeed makes up for a great adventure. I expect much fun thrills, cool twists, fun moments and great battles in this one. In short, a roller-coaster FF and for a beginning, it was great. Definitely following it.

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Not only potentially tough but ca be pretty meh as well lol Thank you and I am honored that you think of my work as such

You're right and I didn't really consider that. I suppose I thought because the mission was to retrieve an item, their rank wouldn't be a problem -_- Since the theme for this fanfic was mainly comedy I thought why not show off their personalities to the fullest extent xd

Again, another thing I may have overlooked with the duration from Konoha to Kiri T_T However, I suppose it could be taken as elapsed time. However, I will look into that type of situation in future chapters and I thank you for that

I'm glad the gist of the mission didn't come off mediocre lol I do believe what you described is what more or less awaits in the upcoming chapters xd Can't wait for your next feedback and thank you for your support as always friend ^.^

nice work dude

Thank you

 

[danivass]

My, my, what a nice opening chapter you have here. Can't wait to read more of this story It's been quite a long time since I've read a fanfic of yours I hope you don't have dissapointing us on your mind all the time xd I'm kind of sure that won't happen

 

[Kuroi Honoo]

My, my, what a nice opening chapter you have here. Can't wait to read more of this story It's been quite a long time since I've read a fanfic of yours I hope you don't have dissapointing us on your mind all the time xd I'm kind of sure that won't happen

Thank you, I myself can't wait to release the next chapter as I know it should be better than the last. Its just because this is a different genre and I'm slightly worried that the readers will think of it as massively inferior to my predecessors lol The disappointing thought does pop in every now and then but I'll attempt to think more optimistically and again I thank you for your kind words friend

 

[Escorpiius]

Not only potentially tough but ca be pretty meh as well lol Thank you and I am honored that you think of my work as such

You're right and I didn't really consider that. I suppose I thought because the mission was to retrieve an item, their rank wouldn't be a problem -_- Since the theme for this fanfic was mainly comedy I thought why not show off their personalities to the fullest extent xd

Again, another thing I may have overlooked with the duration from Konoha to Kiri T_T However, I suppose it could be taken as elapsed time. However, I will look into that type of situation in future chapters and I thank you for that

I'm glad the gist of the mission didn't come off mediocre lol I do believe what you described is what more or less awaits in the upcoming chapters xd Can't wait for your next feedback and thank you for your support as always friend ^.^

Well, I think with your previous works, you've already made me speechless about your writing.

I understand that and it's very interesting to see an FF when you get to show different facets of your characters - especially if those characters were initially under-developed in Kishi's original work.

Yeah, I also thought that it was elapsed time but didn't saw any note for it and was thus a bit confused. It's a minor thing though.

I'm glad to hear that and it's my own pleasure to support someone who delivers such brilliant writing pieces. Keep it up ^^

 

[Kuroi Honoo]

Well, I think with your previous works, you've already made me speechless about your writing.

I understand that and it's very interesting to see a FF when you get to show different facets of your characters - especially if those characters were initially under-developed in Kishi's original work.

Yeah, I also thought that it was elapsed time but didn't saw any note for it and was thus a bit confused. It's a minor thing though.

I'm glad to hear that and it's my own pleasure to support someone who delivers such brilliant writing pieces. Keep it up ^^

I know and I think its most likely the most challenging writing about characters who have little development but I suppose it seems as though I'm prone to it lol

Thank you again for your very appreciated compliments



EDIT: Thanks to a friend, I realized that I made some errors initially (having to do with the pair's trip to Mizu no Kuni) and I have corrected them. If anyone is interested-the corrections begin when Izumo/Kotetsu board the boat to Mizu no Kuni and ends when they're engulfed by thickened mist.

-I apologize for the errors and I hope to release correct finished products in the future.

 

[Michael92]

This post is a little big, so take your time^^ And it might be a better idea to read through the whole post before coming up with a reply as I jump some back and forth in this one

First of all, I would like to start out with something less... good. The "bad" news (don't worry, it's not a killer, far from it actually).

One thing that I didn't quite get:

"Narrator: Less than a half an hour later, the two chuunin rendezvous each in the possession of a backpack at the pier where the boat awaited them. The boat operator greeted the pair, started the motor and they propelled onto Mizu no Kuni."

At this point, I was thinking; "I know that the direction they are taking is stated in the scroll Tsunade gave them and that they need to look for the gems in different villages, but as far as I know there isn't any pier around Konoha, yet along water. I'm little confused on the direction they were going, but I guess that's either unintentional or you're just keeping it secret for later in the chapter/FF."
Then I realized that you later stated where they were going so it wasn't a big deal.

On seconds thoughts, "Mizu no Kuni" caught my attention, so I searched for it on google to check what it meant/where that is, and found out it's the Land of Water which "house" kirigakure among other things... I don't think everyone know that that's what it is, so you might want to add "Land of Water" in "()" the first time you mentioned it; even though you eventually reveals where they are going later in the chapter.
Just a hint^^

This is the part where it gets interesting in a confusing way...

They took a boat and headed to one of the five isles of the Land of Water...
My first thought was; "so I guess the two of them rendezvoused at the east gate of Konoha and walked to the wave country, after crossing the great Naruto bridge, and then took a boat from there?"

That's the only explainable and realistic reason, but for me it seems to be an unintentional gap there + it feels a little weird it took only a half an hour to get there... You could perhaps have added something in between here to make the chapter a little longer and a little more connected? Like that it took a half an hour for them to rendezvous at the east gate of Konoha, before setting off for the land of Waves. Half a day later they arrived at the pier in the Wave Country, where a boat was waiting for them[...] That would make it more realistic

I see now that Escorp already addressed this matter, but I'll leave it as a hint that everyone can take from, even me^^

Though there seems to be something missing here. I think it's a minor flaw that you may not have thought much of. It's not that important, but I thought I was going to be picky about it, as I've also written about traveling from Konoha to kiri in my FF, and because of that I made a lot of research for it. First of a side-note. I find it funny that it took about half an hour to get to the Wave country in your FF, while it took half a day in my FFxd
For the main point... They took a boat and after almost reaching the Mist village or the shore of the Isle where Kiri resides, they saw The Great Naruto bridge?
This is were it comes problematic so to say

The Great Naruto Bridge is what connects The land of Fire to the Wave Country, so they should have already passed it before taking a boat. If you remember from the manga, they had to build a bridge to connect the wave country to the fire nation, and because it wasn't build yet, Naruto and Co. had to take a boat over there.

So unless they never came to the Wave country and took a boat before reaching the bridge, which would be at the end of the Fire country, meaning they would long time have passed the bridge before getting to Kiri, then it doesn't add up. It doesn't really add up with them closing in on Kiri if you get what I'm saying... Not trying to be critical or harsh, but this is a bit confusing, and fact is fact, even if it's geometrical
Not that, that many might care about it and like I said, it doesn't really matter that much, however if you're going to make it right, then that's where it goes wrong so to say.


I have a feeling you think this post will be all about criticism, but I left the good parts for last

I love the way you portrait Kotetsu and Izumoxd It's humorous, but at the same time quite accurate. And the way Izumo is in respect for Tsunade... It's almost like he's afraid of her, but at the same time he cares much for her, while Kotetsu is almost like a mix between Naruto and Kiba when talking to herxd Well done getting those attributes displayed ^^
I like how Izumo is like the leader type of character while Kotetsu is like the laid back-carefree one

I think this turned out greater than I expected, judging from you telling me that you were making a new FF based on these two. I must admit I had some skepticism at first, but oh boy did you deliver! The plot you've come up with couldn't have been more suited for your writing skills and style, and I'm pretty intrigued to see how this all will go down. I have a feeling we have a long FF ahead of us and this FF shows much promise! This might become your best FF yet, and I'm really excited to see what you have in store for us.

So without further ado, I'll just jump straight to chapter two

Edit: Damn... I think I even beat Escorp in length with this post, how about that?!

 

[shaf2e]

Wow.. this is super cool!!!

 

[Kuroi Honoo]

@Mikey: We've already talked about this in pm so all I can say is thank you again for being a great friend and your feedback literally saved this chapter lol

Wow.. this is super cool!!!

Thank you for reading

 

[Michael92]

@Mikey: We've already talked about this in pm so all I can say is thank you again for being a great friend and your feedback literally saved this chapter lol

Haha, for the talked about this in pm, indeed, saving this chapter? I dunno about thatxd

 

[Kuroi Honoo]

Haha, for the talked about this in pm, indeed, saving this chapter? I dunno about thatxd

It is for me lol

 

[home]

awesome work

 

[Kuroi Honoo]

awesome work

Thank you for checking it out