Test version Chapter #4

Status
Not open for further replies.

Netsui

Active member
Elite
Joined
Jan 2, 2012
Messages
5,628
Kin
0💸
Kumi
0💴
Trait Points
0⚔️
Awards
I have finally finished Chapter 4. I worked really hard on this chapter, so I hope you would all take your time to read it. It does appear to be a long one, but there has to be long chapters sooner or later. I'm going to be starting Chapter 5 soon and will try to get it up as fast as possible. Oh, and if you see any mistakes can you let me know? I proofread my work, but sometimes I miss errors.

Previous Chapters:



Forget To Remember

Chapter 4

It was silent as the arrow flew to its target. It was like everything was watching a final moment, so they were silent. She heard the arrow as it hit the tree, and she put her head down. It was over for them. It took all her strength to fire that arrow; there was no way she could do it again. Kina was there, but she didn't stand a chance against that demon alone.

“To think a demon would help humans. Step aside, you are not involved in this. I don't want to fight another demon,” the demon said confidently.

Frey heard Kina growl, but barely. Kina knew she couldn't win, but she didn't back down. Why wouldn't she run away? If Kina ran away she could survive, but she would die if she tried to protect them. Wasn't there anything Frey could do that would get them out of there alive?

The demon sighed and then said, “Fine. If you won't step aside, then I have no choice but to fight.”

The demon sent a spiral of darkness at the blue cat, which instantly turned small and ran to the side. That was an illusion that some demons had. They could portray themselves differently, but it doesn't last long. So Kina wanted to be big to try to scare the demon, but it didn't work. Since Kina's illusion wore off the small possibility of her winning vanished. She looked around as she heard all the impacts from the demon's attacks, and she looked at the trees with their thick branches, and a lot of green leaves. Kina might have an advantage with her size, but she couldn't last forever.

She felt someone lifting her off the ground, and she looked to her side to see Aki. He was breathing really hard, and he was helping her to get back on her feet. The way he was breathing; he was pushing himself to move around. “What are you doing? You're injured!” Frey said as she winced as Aki was picking her up. She didn't want to move, yet Aki was forcing himself to move.

“I don't care. I'll protect you, Frey. If I can't kill that demon yet, I'll at least save you!” he exclaimed between gasps.

She looked at him again, and her eyes widened at the blood she saw on the ground. Blood was dripping from his arm; the demon must have tackled him hard to cause a wound like that. There had to be other damage, otherwise he wouldn't have been breathing deep like that. Aki was important to her, but what about Kina? She didn't want to abandon her, but Aki was in bad shape. She was in bad shape too, but she wasn't that injured. That demon probably only bruised her badly, but it wouldn't keep her down for a while. She couldn't abandon Kina, as Kina was her friend. She wouldn't abandon any friends, even if she was in a bad situation like that.

“I'm sorry, Aki. That small cat demon is trying to save us, even though it doesn't stand a chance. You know me by now, right? You know that I can't just leave someone behind when they're trying to save us,” she whispered calmly.

'B-But that thing is a demon! You know they don't have any emotions! The only thing that's in their mind is blood, human blood. They only want to kill us!” Aki exclaimed softly.

She knew all demons weren't like that. There had to be other demons like Kina out there. If she could find one, then she could negotiate with them. 'If I want to bring peace, then I can't abandon Kina.'

“Aki, can you still fight?” Frey asked seriously.

Aki looked at her with a shocked expression. She never wanted to fight, but Aki wasn't like her. It was the exact opposite; she wanted to fight, but Aki didn't.

“No. I'm forcing myself to move. I will not be able to swing my sword,” he said tiredly.

There had to be a way to get another attack in. It would be their last chance; they had to do something if they wanted to survive. He couldn't swing, and she couldn't shoot. That was it! “Can you shoot?”

He looked at her bow for what felt like hours, and nodded. He tried to grab an arrow, but she moved them away from him. “We're not using arrows,” Frey said as she grabbed his sword. The sword would be their arrow; it was the best thing they had.

“Are you sure? We never tried it before. Is it even possible?” Aki asked.

She didn't know if it was possible, but they had to try it. The sword was their best arrow, it would not fail them. Their hope was in the sword, and she believed in their ability! She handed Aki the bow, and she took the sword. She held the sword out, and waited for Aki to get the bow ready.

“I can't do it. It's impossible to shoot a sword,” he said softly.

Aki wasn't the type of person to give up. What was wrong with them? If they didn't try then they were dead.

An image suddenly flashed in her mind, and she tried to push it away, but it was haunting her mind. The image wasn't clear to her, but she was able to recognize herself because the only thing clear was herself. She was standing there, and there was someone next to her. It was impossible to recognize whoever was next to her, and then the image disappeared as quick as it had appeared. 'What was that? Who was that with me, and what were we doing?'

She shook the thoughts out of her head. That image wasn't important to their current situation, and she had to focus. “Please, try it. I believe it will work, no, it will work! What do we have to lose? We won't get far if we run without trying anything, and you know that! But if we hit him, then we could survive! I don't want to believe the wind led us to our death so soon...” she cried.

She wouldn't be able to live knowing that following the wind caused Kina's death. Frey left Kina because she didn't want anything dangerous to happen to her! She never expected Kina to follow her this far. She only took care of Kina, was that really enough for Kina to die for her? She looked at the demons fighting, and it didn't look well for Kina. Kina hid behind trees and bounced whenever the attacked, but her movements were slowing down. The demon was attacking her nonstop, so she didn't have time for any breaks.

Frey looked at Aki, and he was watching the demons fight too. Anger was in his eyes, he wanted to do something, but he was just standing there. Was he waiting for Kina to die, or was he still making up his mind? They would have more opportunities to kill that demon, but if they die everything they did would have been useless. Their journey was a failure, they didn't change anything about the world. Was Aki really okay with that?

“It's do or die, Akito! Make up your mind before it's too late!” Frey shouted.

Aki held out the bow, and smiled at her. He pulled the string back, and she slowly positioned the sword so it was lined up perfectly with the bow. He slowly moved the bow to aim for the demons, then the sword moved out of place. She smiled at how every time he tried to fix the sword, it just kept on moving out of place. Aki hated the bow since it wasn't a weapon he could pick up and use. He had to make sure the arrows were in the right spot, and then had to aim. Yet with his sword he could just pick it up and swing it around.

She placed her hand on his, and then slowly moved the sword back into its original position. “All you have to do is concentrate. Pretend that this isn't a sword you're shooting. It's an arrow that will set us free. It requires a careful touch, otherwise it won't work. Become one with the bow, as it is only an extension of yourself,” Frey whispered calmly.

Her hand followed Aki's as he moved the bow carefully, and he examined the fight between Kina and the other demon. If Aki did it correctly, then he could hit the demon, or he could hit both of them. She had to to trust that he wouldn't aim at Kina, but with Aki's personality she could never tell.

Aki released the sword, and she looked in a different direction. The wind wasn't blowing, but it changed direction. She was used to it changing directions, but it usually didn't change quickly like that. It was hard for her to explain it, but she would explain it like a shift. Something that was disturbing with the wind, causing it to change direction. Was someone, or something, messing with the wind?

“Frey,” Aki said with no emotion.

She turned back toward where they fired the sword, and saw it on the ground. The demon was still standing, and was glaring at them. “Did you think that you would be able to kill me with a tactic like that?”

Shooting the sword worked, but they had missed their target. She looked at Kina, who was trying to get off the ground. That couldn't be the way they were going to die. She had no past, so she still had to live! She wanted to remember the past, since there was no point in a future without a past.

The demon charged at them, that time with a black sword in his hand. As he was running, she went to look at Aki, but there was black fire blocking her view. She looked in the other directions and didn't see the black fire anywhere else, it was only surrounding Aki!

“I won't allow anyone else to interfere!” the demon shouted as he jumped over the black fire.

She started running toward the fire, and then an arm pulled her back onto the ground. She saw someone else jumping above the black fire, with a red sword in their hand. He slammed his sword against the demon's sword, and the demon was about to fall into the flames before they went out. “Found you, Reori.”

Author's Note:
I know it's long, that was the point. Don't comment on the size, but on if you enjoyed it or not, or if I made mistakes.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Disquiet

Germanicus

Active member
Veteran
Joined
Sep 25, 2012
Messages
3,679
Kin
0💸
Kumi
0💴
Trait Points
0⚔️
Awards
Re: Forget To Remember Chapter 4

That was solid, but....shooting a sword as an arrow? That's a bit far fetched, the bow string would have to be made of a material at least as strong as the blade's metal edge.

Still, very good, and I saw no grammatical or structure errors. (Of course, if you heed S.Train I miss that stuff quite a bit.) Keep up the good work!
 

Netsui

Active member
Elite
Joined
Jan 2, 2012
Messages
5,628
Kin
0💸
Kumi
0💴
Trait Points
0⚔️
Awards
Re: Forget To Remember Chapter 4

That was solid, but....shooting a sword as an arrow? That's a bit far fetched, the bow string would have to be made of a material at least as strong as the blade's metal edge.

Still, very good, and I saw no grammatical or structure errors. (Of course, if you heed S.Train I miss that stuff quite a bit.) Keep up the good work!
The blade wasn't toward the string, if that's what you were wondering. The handle was, but I guess I didn't describe it that good. :shy:
 

Germanicus

Active member
Veteran
Joined
Sep 25, 2012
Messages
3,679
Kin
0💸
Kumi
0💴
Trait Points
0⚔️
Awards
Re: Forget To Remember Chapter 4

The blade wasn't toward the string, if that's what you were wondering. The handle was, but I guess I didn't describe it that good. :shy:
It would be difficult to fire the bow without the blade coming in contact with the bow string. Even if you pulled the hilt back as you would the feather of an arrow, the chances that the blade comes into contact with the string is high. String snaps mid shot, tensions ruined, shot gets funked up.

Don't get me wrong, it's still a cool premise, but just make sure you're being very specific as to the placement of the blade and the way the shot is fired.
 

Chakra Wizard

Active member
Elite
Joined
Mar 25, 2012
Messages
8,958
Kin
14💸
Kumi
0💴
Trait Points
0⚔️
Re: Forget To Remember Chapter 4

Pretty good, Netsui:D Although, I do agree with Germanicus's pointU_U And if the handle is the end you're pulling back against the string, even if the blade didn't make contact with the bow upon release and cut off the momentum, the hilt surely would. That actually would have been a good way to connect the change in wind with the shot, so that it moved the sword's path slightly to prevent it from hitting the bow, but it missed as a result. Just saying, but still well done:)
 

~Uzumaki~

Active member
Elite
Joined
Sep 21, 2011
Messages
6,485
Kin
0💸
Kumi
0💴
Trait Points
0⚔️
Re: Forget To Remember Chapter 4

Ok, now I've read this one. Their sword thing failed xd I don't get Germanicus' point. Basically the handle/hilt was held to the string of the bow and pulled back, the sharp end of the sword was pointed at the target, how would the blade come in contact with the string? o_O
 

Germanicus

Active member
Veteran
Joined
Sep 25, 2012
Messages
3,679
Kin
0💸
Kumi
0💴
Trait Points
0⚔️
Awards
Re: Forget To Remember Chapter 4

Ok, now I've read this one. Their sword thing failed xd I don't get Germanicus' point. Basically the handle/hilt was held to the string of the bow and pulled back, the sharp end of the sword was pointed at the target, how would the blade come in contact with the string? o_O
For one, thinking on it, that's not even possible. To set up the hilt to where you could fire the sword at a trajectory which would fly straight isn't possible with the formation of any traditional hilts. Using a box hilt would bring the sword to close to the bow and would probably just hit the bow itself. If you used a cross hilt sword, then it would be impossible to fire the sword straight, as you would have to hitch one part of the hilt on the bow string, which would favor one side of the sword, which would cause the trajectory to be messed up and would probably detract from the force of the shot. Not to mention that the weight of a sword by itself would probably result in an extremely difficult time to try to get the sword to shoot straight.

Either the sword comes back into contact with the string and the bow snaps, or the sword kinda floats off to the opposite side. There is a 99% chance one of these two things happens. Course, I guess you could just say 'screw physics' and fire this shot. That chance for creative liberty does exist.
 

King Cobra

Active member
Veteran
Joined
Jan 12, 2012
Messages
4,904
Kin
0💸
Kumi
2,500💴
Trait Points
0⚔️
Awards
Re: Forget To Remember Chapter 4

Dammit Geramanicus b eatmeto the bow/sword thing, however it's really creative to bad it failed......I really wanted to rip this apart but I can't not just yet ;) maybe Chapter 5 I'll rip apart but till then
This was horrible my baby cousin can right better shit than this! :p
 

Disquiet

Active member
Supreme
Joined
Feb 8, 2011
Messages
32,590
Kin
2💸
Kumi
0💴
Trait Points
0⚔️
Re: Forget To Remember Chapter 4

I just read one through four. Seriously, it's an astounding story, you should be proud.

I love how you categorized the demons, subtly painting a better picture of their world. At the beginning, I thought the story would revolve around the village, but you unexpectedly did a time-skip, which I think is pretty cool. Especially, since you noted Frey's uneasiness about its history. It adds more to the mystery, just one of the enigmas you introduced into the plot that will supplement its effectiveness of keeping the readers interested. My only real gripe with the story, is its lack of imagery on the characters behalf. Maybe if you were to compare their features to a respective trait or property of animate or inanimate entity. Simply saying something like: his face was as resolute to my intimidation as always, like the mountains standing completely still in the midst of a mighty wind. The look in his eyes was like a sea, non-respondent to the pull of the moon, showing composure and complete control over his disposition. Well something like that lol, but I hope you get the point. In conjunction with describing other features, it can add to the features and personality as well. I have a pretty wild imagination, I really don't have a problem imagining the characters described as is. However, I can see why others would. The arrow concept, however impractical it may seem, was a display of brilliance and creativity. I see a huge difference in your overall writing compared to when I last read your works. I can easily imagine being in the world; full of demons, mystery, strife and so on. All in all, awesome! Your quest to become an author is that much closer, Netsui.
 
Last edited:
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top