Hallo !
Well, this is perhaps my first Naruto fanfic. I'm looking to have some advices and critics on it though, to make it better.
I has it posted on fanfiction.net so if it is against the rule, Imma deleting this, beware of large spoilers, and I may make mistakes in the story there and there.
Enjoy ! Leave critics 4 me please !
--
Black Zetsu stood there, attached to the corpse of the shinobi who was once his ally.
He had done it, Madara finally managed to complete the Eye Moon plan, even as the entire shinobi alliance kept throwing everything at him. Be it the Gokage, undead Hokages, Jinchuurikis, Sharingans. Everyone stood against him and while the formerly dead leader struggled, a lot, his dream was completed.
The will of Kaguya chuckled. As gigantic trees appeared everywhere to ensnare shinobis, he knew this jutsu, a “God” version of the Genesis of a world of trees, one of the favorites jutsus of the rival of Madara, and it eventually became one of Madara’s favorites too when he gained the DNA of the Hokage.
The hideous dark mass wondered if Madara knew that his grip over the planet wasn’t complete, as a massive mass of purple chakra stood near him. Team 7 was hiding in there, or at least, the two biggest enemies of the Jinchuuriki of the Juubi were hiding away from the Infinite Tsukuyomi, waiting for the holy light to dissipate before resuming the fight.
None of them, Madara or the team, knew what was coming. And Black Zetsu’s grin further expanded as he began a slow walk toward the Susanoo. He couldn’t defeat even one member of this team by himself but he knew that the godly manchild would eventually come there, initiating the evil mass’s own plan.
These two were the reincarnations of Indra and Asura too, the sons of the legendary Sage of the six paths, and they could dispel the Infinite Tsukuyomi and defeat Madara at the same time. It would be stupid for the mighty Uchiha to leave them be.
Predictably, the third Sage of six Paths crashed on the ground loudly, making a dramatic entrance.
“Leave this to me ! I’m the savior of this world !”
Black Zetsu quietly chuckled at this title. He, himself, used this term to manipulate the reincarnations of Indra, and was pleased to know that it stuck. Madara’s ego was enormous after all, he could not imagine that something in this world could even harm him, let alone send him to the underworld a second time. And he was wrong, the living will has seen many battles and therefore knew that as powerful as Madara was, his massive hubris and lack of knowledge would led to his downfall.
And he couldn’t let such an occasion pass. He was already frustrated since he was unable to use Obito as a vessel for his mother, letting another go would ruin a plan that was carefully set in place for centuries !
Madara, who was eager to confront Naruto and Sasuke, the last two shinobis capable of opposing him (and also the one who made a fool out of him earlier, since the Juubi Jinchuuriki warped to the Kamui dimension with his lower-half cut and lacking most of the Truth-Seeking Balls) made a speech about how good the Infinite Tsukuyomi was. Had he knew the truth, he'd be probably opposing it but it was too late for him and the rest of this worthless dimension.
He walked toward the second sage of six paths, aware that his mother was going to come back to life soon. Centuries of manipulating gave him some experience in the whole "human emotion" cliché and therefore he could safely say that he felt joy inside of his liquid body, still stuck to the carcass of Obito, his loyal pawn. His beloved mother was going to return, after all these years of planning, back-stabbing and doing things that not even Madara would approve, his scheme was going to succeed !
The dark hand of the black mass stabbed trough Madara. The Uchiha was tough but his guard was down, enough to be wounded by such a simple attack. The reincarnations of Indra and Asura, and two worms whom he did not care for, were as shocked by the turns of events as Madara who turned around to face Black Zetsu.
He couldn’t move and lacked the Truth-Seeking balls to protect him, and none of his Limbo Clones were going to come after the living will. It was much easier than he thought.
Not listening to Madara’s ramblings, the dark being started to transmit its will toward the body of the Jinchuuriki, eventually transforming the godly being into some kind of ridiculous balloon for a while.
His mother was going to come back to this rotten world !
--
She stood in the darkness, not conscious enough to realize the horror of her condition but aware enough to still exist in this plane of existence. She stood in this place since the beginning of the shinobi world, and she was freed when it was about to end. How delightful.
Then, something opened her eyes and she saw the darkness around her. It was as dark as outer space, impossible to see even with her Byakugans. The god stood, in fear, at the idea of being conscious in this eternal darkness.
Then her head was freed, and she moved it around, looking around her made her realize that a light on her left was slowly opening, chasing away the darkness. She let surprise appears on her face at this very moment, wondering what that was.
What is him ?
Her upper body was freed, and she raised her arms. They moved for the first time in eons but she moved them without any troubles, and therefore used them to try to grasp at the light that was illuminating her and freeing the bottom part of her body, as she began to walk toward the light.
The entire “room” was now white, as she started to remember more and more who she was. Her name was Kaguya Ootsutsuki, and she was the former princess of Jakonen, and former goddess of her world.
Memories began to pour into her head, as she remembered names. These names were nonsense to her, at first, but she eventually remembered.
Hagoromo, Hamura, Dashonin, Nanbu, Shinju… She remembered it all, and as she was freed by her third son, she began to remember her life, time seemingly stopping long enough for her to remember it all.
Her story began eons ago in the kingdom of Jakonen, and she was born as a measly princess who would eventually become feared across the world as a true demon, and until two heroes who would later become legends of the shinobi world stopped her, the monster that used to be the person that they cherished the most.
And thus began the tale of princess Kaguya.
Well, this is perhaps my first Naruto fanfic. I'm looking to have some advices and critics on it though, to make it better.
I has it posted on fanfiction.net so if it is against the rule, Imma deleting this, beware of large spoilers, and I may make mistakes in the story there and there.
Enjoy ! Leave critics 4 me please !
--
Black Zetsu stood there, attached to the corpse of the shinobi who was once his ally.
He had done it, Madara finally managed to complete the Eye Moon plan, even as the entire shinobi alliance kept throwing everything at him. Be it the Gokage, undead Hokages, Jinchuurikis, Sharingans. Everyone stood against him and while the formerly dead leader struggled, a lot, his dream was completed.
The will of Kaguya chuckled. As gigantic trees appeared everywhere to ensnare shinobis, he knew this jutsu, a “God” version of the Genesis of a world of trees, one of the favorites jutsus of the rival of Madara, and it eventually became one of Madara’s favorites too when he gained the DNA of the Hokage.
The hideous dark mass wondered if Madara knew that his grip over the planet wasn’t complete, as a massive mass of purple chakra stood near him. Team 7 was hiding in there, or at least, the two biggest enemies of the Jinchuuriki of the Juubi were hiding away from the Infinite Tsukuyomi, waiting for the holy light to dissipate before resuming the fight.
None of them, Madara or the team, knew what was coming. And Black Zetsu’s grin further expanded as he began a slow walk toward the Susanoo. He couldn’t defeat even one member of this team by himself but he knew that the godly manchild would eventually come there, initiating the evil mass’s own plan.
These two were the reincarnations of Indra and Asura too, the sons of the legendary Sage of the six paths, and they could dispel the Infinite Tsukuyomi and defeat Madara at the same time. It would be stupid for the mighty Uchiha to leave them be.
Predictably, the third Sage of six Paths crashed on the ground loudly, making a dramatic entrance.
“Leave this to me ! I’m the savior of this world !”
Black Zetsu quietly chuckled at this title. He, himself, used this term to manipulate the reincarnations of Indra, and was pleased to know that it stuck. Madara’s ego was enormous after all, he could not imagine that something in this world could even harm him, let alone send him to the underworld a second time. And he was wrong, the living will has seen many battles and therefore knew that as powerful as Madara was, his massive hubris and lack of knowledge would led to his downfall.
And he couldn’t let such an occasion pass. He was already frustrated since he was unable to use Obito as a vessel for his mother, letting another go would ruin a plan that was carefully set in place for centuries !
Madara, who was eager to confront Naruto and Sasuke, the last two shinobis capable of opposing him (and also the one who made a fool out of him earlier, since the Juubi Jinchuuriki warped to the Kamui dimension with his lower-half cut and lacking most of the Truth-Seeking Balls) made a speech about how good the Infinite Tsukuyomi was. Had he knew the truth, he'd be probably opposing it but it was too late for him and the rest of this worthless dimension.
He walked toward the second sage of six paths, aware that his mother was going to come back to life soon. Centuries of manipulating gave him some experience in the whole "human emotion" cliché and therefore he could safely say that he felt joy inside of his liquid body, still stuck to the carcass of Obito, his loyal pawn. His beloved mother was going to return, after all these years of planning, back-stabbing and doing things that not even Madara would approve, his scheme was going to succeed !
The dark hand of the black mass stabbed trough Madara. The Uchiha was tough but his guard was down, enough to be wounded by such a simple attack. The reincarnations of Indra and Asura, and two worms whom he did not care for, were as shocked by the turns of events as Madara who turned around to face Black Zetsu.
He couldn’t move and lacked the Truth-Seeking balls to protect him, and none of his Limbo Clones were going to come after the living will. It was much easier than he thought.
Not listening to Madara’s ramblings, the dark being started to transmit its will toward the body of the Jinchuuriki, eventually transforming the godly being into some kind of ridiculous balloon for a while.
His mother was going to come back to this rotten world !
--
She stood in the darkness, not conscious enough to realize the horror of her condition but aware enough to still exist in this plane of existence. She stood in this place since the beginning of the shinobi world, and she was freed when it was about to end. How delightful.
Then, something opened her eyes and she saw the darkness around her. It was as dark as outer space, impossible to see even with her Byakugans. The god stood, in fear, at the idea of being conscious in this eternal darkness.
Then her head was freed, and she moved it around, looking around her made her realize that a light on her left was slowly opening, chasing away the darkness. She let surprise appears on her face at this very moment, wondering what that was.
What is him ?
Her upper body was freed, and she raised her arms. They moved for the first time in eons but she moved them without any troubles, and therefore used them to try to grasp at the light that was illuminating her and freeing the bottom part of her body, as she began to walk toward the light.
The entire “room” was now white, as she started to remember more and more who she was. Her name was Kaguya Ootsutsuki, and she was the former princess of Jakonen, and former goddess of her world.
Memories began to pour into her head, as she remembered names. These names were nonsense to her, at first, but she eventually remembered.
Hagoromo, Hamura, Dashonin, Nanbu, Shinju… She remembered it all, and as she was freed by her third son, she began to remember her life, time seemingly stopping long enough for her to remember it all.
Her story began eons ago in the kingdom of Jakonen, and she was born as a measly princess who would eventually become feared across the world as a true demon, and until two heroes who would later become legends of the shinobi world stopped her, the monster that used to be the person that they cherished the most.
And thus began the tale of princess Kaguya.
