Espadara Uchiha
Active member
AN: And Verily, As I Walk Through The Shadow Of Sizzlers, I Cry. For It Is Not A Man's Fate To Drink From The Soapy Cup Of Olympus, In This World That Fails To Recognize The Evil Hidden In Every Woman's Smile, And The Lust Hidden In The Pantyhose.
Our three heroes leaned against the wall of a Starbucks, watching the swarm of teenage girls and Hipster screenwriters. L had chosen the Starbucks as the premier groping location, due to the impossibility of someone stronger than them appearing. Yes, truly a grand spot for the masterful art of perversion.
Sonic looked as a new group of Teenagers arrived, walking so close to each they seemed as if they were in a cult. But what cult could it be? Cthulhu rarely accepts teenagers, and none would go to the Liberal pigsty known as Starbucks. A cult for Russell Crowe, possibly? No, teenagers of this day know not of Crowe's greatness, especially his magnificent singing voice. He made a wonderful Javert, so **** off.
The fastest Hedgehog in the world pointed at the cluster of Skanks, and smirked at his new comrades. "Watch this, guys." Sonic raced forward, throwing the skirts up of all the girls to reveal they were all going commando, to better increase their chances of appearing on MTV. Sadly, one should remember that those 'Teen Mom' shows take place almost exclusively in the Southern States.
And another thing, I mean, none of those chicks are that attractive. I mean, if I targeted them for the sole purpose of *** and shit, I would wear a condom just so I don't touch their stinky ass holes. God dammit. And they always complain to their parents and shit, and name the kids stupid ass names. Honestly, Loli's won't have that whole pregnancy problem. Not that I'm a pedophile or anything, but damn.
"Is the Narrator going off on another tangent about why Loli's are better than those of legal age?" Shinji inquired like a dumb ***** who doesn't understand the finer points of Loliism.
L, on the other hand, stayed silent not bothering to raise his own complaints against my fetish. He peered at the group of skanks closely, knowing something was wrong, but unable to point it out due to interference from the Author. Friggin douche, hate that guy.
Sonic returned, and pointed at the group of skanks. "Think ya can do better, kid?" He asked Shinji, who nodded with an air of confidence. Seriously, the kid fought ****ing Angels and lived with Misato. The female body holds no source of fear for him.
Shinji smiled slightly. "Don't worry, I got this. It's a tactic I learned on the internet." Shinji strode forward like an unconfident teenager, which he was, until he was right next to the Leader of the skanks. Shinji suddenly dramatically felled. "Oh no! I have tripped, and am falling!" Shinji positioned his hand as he 'fell', grabbing a nice hold of the lead Skanks breast. Shinji smirked, as the leaders face began becoming red, from anger or embarrassment the Author did not care to note.
As Sonic clapped in honor of his teenage friend, L finally realized what was going on. "Shinji! Get away from the skanks!" Shinji stumbled back as all of the skanks began merging with each other, soon becoming a colossal skank with red hair, who towered over all of the buildings in the area.
"Dear god..." Sonic muttered.
"What...What is that?!" Shinji yelled, attempting to shield his eyes from the monstrosity that scared him more than any Angel or Asuka on her period.
L narrowed his eyes, and spoke in a grim voice. "Yes...Lindsay Lohanna!" (We All know who he's really talking about, but I fear that I am not allowed to place celebrities in my stories. rule, ya know?"
Lindsay roared and began trampling the streets. "RAAHHH! I WANNA GET HIGH!" She screamed, smashing a foot into the Starbucks, killing all the Hipsters inside.
Somewhere, in a desert, Trevor Phillips gave a smile before throwing a grenade at a bunch of rednecks.
Shinji began running towards L. "What do we do now?!" He yelled, hiding behind a Hipster scooter as L slid in position next to him.
"I don't know...it seems that Lindsay Lohanna is a demon hiding within the breasts of skanks. When you grabbed the lead skanks boob, the other skanks responded to a possible threat."
"So what do we do?!" Shinji yelled, obviously forgetting about his giant ass robot. The Eva something.
L crouched down in an uncomfortable position that overweight people can not perform, and nodded to himself. "Maybe...have Sonic distract her. I'll call her parole officer." He said, withdrawing his cell phone. Shinji nodded in agreement.
Sonic raced past them, holding a Double Mocha Caramel Pumpkin Coffee Blast which was only 10% caffeine. "I got this guys!" He yelled, pouring the drink in his throat. He began twitching, as a beanie suddenly appeared a top his head. Fake glasses materialized on his face, and a Doctor Who shirt was pulled over his chest. Three different scarfs were layered over his neck, and Sonic screamed in rage.
Yes, my children, for you see, once one partakes in the drink of Starbucks, they begin transforming into a Hipster. It is a tremendously painful process that I wish no man would ever have to suffer. However, Sonic chose to take that sacrifice. For knowing the opponent is the ultimate weapon, and only two types of people can know celebrities. Druggies, and Hipsters. Scientologists too, but I don't think they can be considered people.
Sonic ran even faster, kicking Lindsay in the face. Overcome by his hipster douchiness, Lindsay stumbled back, beginning to fall to the ground. "NOT FETCH!" Lindsay yelled, as she crashed into the ground.
"TRAP CARD, ACTIVATE!" Wait, what?
Lindsay screamed as she was shrunk down and forced into a playing card, held by Yami Yugi. L was standing with a smile on his face, while Shinji still had no idea what the hell just happened. Sonic began ripping every Hipster item off of him, finally feeling clean when it was all removed.
Yami shook L's hand in thanks. "Thank you for calling me. I had lost track of her after she spoke of attending Hogwarts. It's a good thing you called me when you did, otherwise she might've killed actual people."
Shinji looked at the corpses of the skanks, split apart when Lindsay Lohanna freed herself from them. "What about them? They weren't Hipsters."
Yami let out a loud laugh. "Ah, but Shinji, their dream was to appear on MTV via Teen Mom. Once someone decides that that is an important goal, than they are as Human as a piece of homosexual lettuce, or Jews." Narrator here, just gotta say, none of us hates Jews. Yami does. Cause, you know, he's egyptian or some shit.
But yeah, **** Homosexual pieces of lettuce.
Shinji looked upon the destruction Lindsay had caused, and the rotting corpses of the still commando skanks. "You know..." He began, looking up at the sky. "I think you're right."
Our three heroes leaned against the wall of a Starbucks, watching the swarm of teenage girls and Hipster screenwriters. L had chosen the Starbucks as the premier groping location, due to the impossibility of someone stronger than them appearing. Yes, truly a grand spot for the masterful art of perversion.
Sonic looked as a new group of Teenagers arrived, walking so close to each they seemed as if they were in a cult. But what cult could it be? Cthulhu rarely accepts teenagers, and none would go to the Liberal pigsty known as Starbucks. A cult for Russell Crowe, possibly? No, teenagers of this day know not of Crowe's greatness, especially his magnificent singing voice. He made a wonderful Javert, so **** off.
The fastest Hedgehog in the world pointed at the cluster of Skanks, and smirked at his new comrades. "Watch this, guys." Sonic raced forward, throwing the skirts up of all the girls to reveal they were all going commando, to better increase their chances of appearing on MTV. Sadly, one should remember that those 'Teen Mom' shows take place almost exclusively in the Southern States.
And another thing, I mean, none of those chicks are that attractive. I mean, if I targeted them for the sole purpose of *** and shit, I would wear a condom just so I don't touch their stinky ass holes. God dammit. And they always complain to their parents and shit, and name the kids stupid ass names. Honestly, Loli's won't have that whole pregnancy problem. Not that I'm a pedophile or anything, but damn.
"Is the Narrator going off on another tangent about why Loli's are better than those of legal age?" Shinji inquired like a dumb ***** who doesn't understand the finer points of Loliism.
L, on the other hand, stayed silent not bothering to raise his own complaints against my fetish. He peered at the group of skanks closely, knowing something was wrong, but unable to point it out due to interference from the Author. Friggin douche, hate that guy.
Sonic returned, and pointed at the group of skanks. "Think ya can do better, kid?" He asked Shinji, who nodded with an air of confidence. Seriously, the kid fought ****ing Angels and lived with Misato. The female body holds no source of fear for him.
Shinji smiled slightly. "Don't worry, I got this. It's a tactic I learned on the internet." Shinji strode forward like an unconfident teenager, which he was, until he was right next to the Leader of the skanks. Shinji suddenly dramatically felled. "Oh no! I have tripped, and am falling!" Shinji positioned his hand as he 'fell', grabbing a nice hold of the lead Skanks breast. Shinji smirked, as the leaders face began becoming red, from anger or embarrassment the Author did not care to note.
As Sonic clapped in honor of his teenage friend, L finally realized what was going on. "Shinji! Get away from the skanks!" Shinji stumbled back as all of the skanks began merging with each other, soon becoming a colossal skank with red hair, who towered over all of the buildings in the area.
"Dear god..." Sonic muttered.
"What...What is that?!" Shinji yelled, attempting to shield his eyes from the monstrosity that scared him more than any Angel or Asuka on her period.
L narrowed his eyes, and spoke in a grim voice. "Yes...Lindsay Lohanna!" (We All know who he's really talking about, but I fear that I am not allowed to place celebrities in my stories. rule, ya know?"
Lindsay roared and began trampling the streets. "RAAHHH! I WANNA GET HIGH!" She screamed, smashing a foot into the Starbucks, killing all the Hipsters inside.
Somewhere, in a desert, Trevor Phillips gave a smile before throwing a grenade at a bunch of rednecks.
Shinji began running towards L. "What do we do now?!" He yelled, hiding behind a Hipster scooter as L slid in position next to him.
"I don't know...it seems that Lindsay Lohanna is a demon hiding within the breasts of skanks. When you grabbed the lead skanks boob, the other skanks responded to a possible threat."
"So what do we do?!" Shinji yelled, obviously forgetting about his giant ass robot. The Eva something.
L crouched down in an uncomfortable position that overweight people can not perform, and nodded to himself. "Maybe...have Sonic distract her. I'll call her parole officer." He said, withdrawing his cell phone. Shinji nodded in agreement.
Sonic raced past them, holding a Double Mocha Caramel Pumpkin Coffee Blast which was only 10% caffeine. "I got this guys!" He yelled, pouring the drink in his throat. He began twitching, as a beanie suddenly appeared a top his head. Fake glasses materialized on his face, and a Doctor Who shirt was pulled over his chest. Three different scarfs were layered over his neck, and Sonic screamed in rage.
Yes, my children, for you see, once one partakes in the drink of Starbucks, they begin transforming into a Hipster. It is a tremendously painful process that I wish no man would ever have to suffer. However, Sonic chose to take that sacrifice. For knowing the opponent is the ultimate weapon, and only two types of people can know celebrities. Druggies, and Hipsters. Scientologists too, but I don't think they can be considered people.
Sonic ran even faster, kicking Lindsay in the face. Overcome by his hipster douchiness, Lindsay stumbled back, beginning to fall to the ground. "NOT FETCH!" Lindsay yelled, as she crashed into the ground.
"TRAP CARD, ACTIVATE!" Wait, what?
Lindsay screamed as she was shrunk down and forced into a playing card, held by Yami Yugi. L was standing with a smile on his face, while Shinji still had no idea what the hell just happened. Sonic began ripping every Hipster item off of him, finally feeling clean when it was all removed.
Yami shook L's hand in thanks. "Thank you for calling me. I had lost track of her after she spoke of attending Hogwarts. It's a good thing you called me when you did, otherwise she might've killed actual people."
Shinji looked at the corpses of the skanks, split apart when Lindsay Lohanna freed herself from them. "What about them? They weren't Hipsters."
Yami let out a loud laugh. "Ah, but Shinji, their dream was to appear on MTV via Teen Mom. Once someone decides that that is an important goal, than they are as Human as a piece of homosexual lettuce, or Jews." Narrator here, just gotta say, none of us hates Jews. Yami does. Cause, you know, he's egyptian or some shit.
But yeah, **** Homosexual pieces of lettuce.
Shinji looked upon the destruction Lindsay had caused, and the rotting corpses of the still commando skanks. "You know..." He began, looking up at the sky. "I think you're right."