Star Light Chapter 4

Netsui

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Chapter 4 is finally here. Took me a while to finish it, but I finally got it done. I know how Chapter 5 and 6 will go, so look forward to those chapters! :D It's actually longer than what I expected, but there's a big possibility that Chapter 5 and 6 will be longer.

Previous Chapters:



Chapter 4

His soft lips were warm against her own. She was surprised he didn't break the kiss yet. They didn't know much about each other, let alone being able to date! She didn't know how to react to it. She didn't even know the emotions that were happening inside her body. Her heart was speeding up, and she couldn't control it. She would tell it to slow down, but it wouldn't listen to her. It felt like her heart was going to burst out of her chest, but that wasn't love. Such a weird feeling couldn't have been love. She was so nervous about the moment that wasn't happening. She didn't know if she should back away, or if she should stay completely still. 'What is Krayvin thinking?'

Krayvin pulled away, and he gently placed her on the floor. “Sorry about that. I just lost control of myself in your eyes. Are you hurt?”

“N-No, thanks to you,” she said quickly. Something had to be wrong with her. Krayvin was no longer touching her, but her heart beat wouldn't slow down. A new emotion, one unfamiliar to her, was burning inside her. She couldn't think of anything to say to Krayvin. The kiss was so unexpected that all the words from her mind were not there.

“I'm glad,” he said cheerfully. He looked at the ladder, and a frown replaced the smile. “That's odd. The ladder appears to be in good condition. I can't believe part of it broke. Looks like we'll have to replace it.”

'What should I say to him? I don't want to talk about the ladder. I almost got injured, so why would I want to talk about the ladder?' It was awkward instead of two people searching for books on Stars. “I-I have to get back to class. I can't afford to fall behind!”

She ran away as fast as she could, without waiting for Krayvin to respond. All those emotions inside of her while she was around him, she didn't know if it was love, fear, or sadness. She didn't want to hurt Krayvin's feelings, and she didn't want to mess anything up. They could have been good friends if she could talk to him more, but he was busy all the time. Being around him after that would only cause confusion, and it would be better for both of them if there was nothing weird between them. If she liked him or not, she was unsure of how to tell him. Love was one of the emotions she never experienced before. Ever since she was a little kid her parents would try to make her own decisions without consulting her.

“Why are you running?” she slightly heard.

She stopped running, and she had to take a few deep breaths. She was so caught in her thoughts she wasn't paying attention to anything. She ran more than she wanted to, since she didn't recognize the area of the school she was in. It was one of the few areas of the school she never been in. She was in a hall way with dark green lockers, and light green walls. She should have been focusing more on where she was going, instead of everything that just happened with Krayvin.

“How long do you plan on ignoring me!?” somebody yelled, and then a girl around her age jumped in front of her.

“O-Oh. I'm sorry, I was thinking about something,” she answered softly, “but where am I?”

She looked at the girl in front of her, and tried to remember if she ever seen her in class. She thought she would remember a girl with brown, curly hair that barely touched her shoulders. She even had yellow eyes! She thought that yellow eyes would stay in her mind, but she couldn't seem to remember the girl. She had the same uniform as her, so she was a student at Star Light Academy. She looked at the badge on the girl's blouse. It was dark green, unlike her red badge. That was why she couldn't remember the girl. They never met each other before, because they were in a different class.

“It must have been serious,” the girl said softly, “you had a confused look on your face. Your eyes looked lost too.”

She was able to pick all that up from her running. She was really intelligent, it was shocking she wasn't in the top class. Not many people could read other people like that, especially strangers.

“I was shocked, but it will resolve itself in time,” she said with no emotion. A stranger was able to read her like a book. She couldn't show any weakness.

“Don't be like that! Don't you want to take advantage of this?” the girl asked seriously.

That question killed how smart she was. There was nothing to take advantage of, and if there was then she couldn't figure out what it was. Maybe she was wrong about that girl.

“You're not curious why we can't interact students in different classes? I am, because that rule makes no sense! We should be able to interact with whoever we want!”

“You should have said that earlier. I thought you were talking nonsense,” she replied, “I agree with you on the rules, though. I'm Rusu, and I'm in the top class.”

“You must have worked really hard to get into the top class! I spend a lot of my free time studying just so I can get in every year!” she exclaimed, “I'm Sei. I'm a student from the middle class.”

She smiled at Sei, and it was a weird thing for her to do. She never smiled for real in school, but she finally did. She thought her real smile didn't exist, since it was difficult for her to smile. There was nothing around her to make her smile, and if she did smile she thought it was fake.

“Lets get out of here before somebody sees us. If we get caught then who knows what they'll do!” Sei said.

Sei started walking away, and she followed. It was a rare chance that they met each other. A chance that might never happen again. The school had to be worried about something, if they wouldn't even allow students in different classes to interact with each other. She couldn't think of any problems from the classes interacting, no matter how she thought about it. 'Maybe I should ask Krayvin about that rule, when I can talk to him again.'

The exit was in sight, but she suddenly stopped. Something wasn't right. Something was telling her not to leave the school. It was like her body was telling her that if she went outside, then she would regret it.

“Rusu, is something wrong?” Sei asked in a worried tone.

“N-No. Just tired from the day I had,” she answered nervously.

Sei had a confused look on her face, and then she walked over to the door.

She couldn't control the weird feeling, like earlier when she was around Krayvin. Except that time, it felt like it was taking control of her body. Her body was telling her to go back to class, and that was the last thing she wanted to do! The feeling inside her was starting to become unbearable. Her foot was actually sliding back, and she had to fight to actually stop it from going back more. She was trembling, even though she had no reason to. She was being told to run, but she didn't want to run away. She didn't want to leave Sei if something was wrong. She kept telling herself to move closer to Sei, but it wasn't working. Her leg just kept dragging her backwards. “Don't open that door, Sei!”

“Huh?” Sei said in confusion as she opened the door. “Fog?”

Author's note:
I really liked this chapter, surprisingly. If you find a mistake, please point it out so I can fix it. I take criticism well, since I know I have room to improve. :) I would also like to hear your opinions on this chapter.
 
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Chakra Wizard

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Not bad:D I see a bit of repetition when she's talking about her smile and when Sei mentions the rule, you put "that rules makes no sense". Other than that, nothing really caught my eye. Can't wait for five and six:)
 

Netsui

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Not bad:D I see a bit of repetition when she's talking about her smile and when Sei mentions the rule, you put "that rules makes no sense". Other than that, nothing really caught my eye. Can't wait for five and six:)
Thanks for pointing out the repetition. Still working on that. Thanks for pointing out that small typo too. :) I'm glad you enjoyed it. ^^
 

Seffy

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She was no nervous about the moment that was happening.... (Wasn't or was not)

A new emotion was in there, too. She couldn't recognize it though. Combine these two sentences. You have a lot of little ones that can be combined to also avoid repetition. (A new, unfamiliar, emotion was burning in her heart. Something like that.)

'Why? I'm smart, but I don't even recognize my own feelings. Is it because they were always sealed inside me?' (This isn't needed, just more repeating.)

The kiss was so unexpected that all the words from her mind are no longer there. (were not are). This could have been written better as well to avoid the similarities in the words you have been using. The feel of Krayvin's lips still made her own tingle as it caused her mind to blank out on her. :)shrug:)

He looked at the ladder, and a frown replaced the smile that was on his face. Replaced his smile. "that was on his face" isn't needed.

“That's odd. The ladder appears to be in good condition. I can't believe part of it broke. Looks like we'll have to replace it.” .....:confused: what? If the ladder is in good condition then how did it brake. xd Also you could re-write this sentence so it doesn't confuse people. "That's odd, the (part of ladder that broke off insert here); we'll have to replace it."

'What should I say to him? I don't want to talk about the ladder. I almost got injured, so why would I want to talk about the ladder?'.....Netsui -_- I'm going to think of a few things to help you break this habit. If you say something once you don't have to say it again. lol <3


She ran away as fast as she could, without waiting for Krayvin to respond. She had to get away from Krayvin before she got messed up even more. 2nd sentence not needed

Being around him after that would only cause confusion, and it would be better for both of them if there was no confusion between them. (You used the same word twice in this sentence.)

If she didn't like him, she didn't know how to tell him. If she loved him, she still had no way how to tell him. If she liked him or not, she was unsure of how to tell him.

She never learned how to love them, since they were always like that. Sentence isn't needed.

Netsui I have something planned for you. I'll vm you about it.
 

Netsui

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She was no nervous about the moment that was happening.... (Wasn't or was not)

A new emotion was in there, too. She couldn't recognize it though. Combine these two sentences. You have a lot of little ones that can be combined to also avoid repetition. (A new, unfamiliar, emotion was burning in her heart. Something like that.)

'Why? I'm smart, but I don't even recognize my own feelings. Is it because they were always sealed inside me?' (This isn't needed, just more repeating.)

The kiss was so unexpected that all the words from her mind are no longer there. (were not are). This could have been written better as well to avoid the similarities in the words you have been using. The feel of Krayvin's lips still made her own tingle as it caused her mind to blank out on her. :)shrug:)

He looked at the ladder, and a frown replaced the smile that was on his face. Replaced his smile. "that was on his face" isn't needed.

“That's odd. The ladder appears to be in good condition. I can't believe part of it broke. Looks like we'll have to replace it.” .....:confused: what? If the ladder is in good condition then how did it brake. xd Also you could re-write this sentence so it doesn't confuse people. "That's odd, the (part of ladder that broke off insert here); we'll have to replace it."

'What should I say to him? I don't want to talk about the ladder. I almost got injured, so why would I want to talk about the ladder?'.....Netsui -_- I'm going to think of a few things to help you break this habit. If you say something once you don't have to say it again. lol <3


She ran away as fast as she could, without waiting for Krayvin to respond. She had to get away from Krayvin before she got messed up even more. 2nd sentence not needed

Being around him after that would only cause confusion, and it would be better for both of them if there was no confusion between them. (You used the same word twice in this sentence.)

If she didn't like him, she didn't know how to tell him. If she loved him, she still had no way how to tell him. If she liked him or not, she was unsure of how to tell him.

She never learned how to love them, since they were always like that. Sentence isn't needed.

Netsui I have something planned for you. I'll vm you about it.
I hope your plan breaks my repetition. That was a lot of editing, and you didn't read all of it yet.

As for the ladder, that will be explained later on. xd
 
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