Recently, I went through this and felt like writing about the experience. None of the dialogue or actions are changed. All of this really happened. And in case you're curious, I fully understand what he meant. But that's another story.
-------
A heart filled with such joy is excruciating. Everything is alive and beautiful. Voids in the recesses of my heart are brimmed with cheery laughter. Tension in my muscles dissipates.
For the moment, we’re transferred to a world we’ve forged. One without expectations or dangers. All that I never told him is silently communicated and understood. His eyes bore into mine- tiny universes enveloped in their own gravitational pull, providing animation to his sickly form. Consequentially, we embrace, though he has not the strength to physically hold me.
“To be honest,
My hands tremble.
I’m surprised you got here in time,”
His grip tightens.
My aunt hardly conceals her boredom on the matter.
I cling desperately.
“Are you happy here?” I inaudibly croak.
A gorgeous, torn smile graces his cracked lips. He barely shakes his head.
He’s never looked so helplessly frail. I can hardly watch. Within seconds, my mind has furiously raced through every empty condolence. In my peripheral vision, before personally having decided on one to offer, I notice him straining in the bed, using small, deliberate movements to his advantage. White sheets drift off his chest and sweat gathers from his pores. Parting from my stupor, I move to support him as he props himself up.
There’s a foreboding look in his eyes. After clearing his throat, he looks up at me. Holding eye contact. Speaking the words slowly, deliberately.
“You… and me,… we’re going.. together.”
Everyone freezes. The fan propelling in the background becomes the only noise present in the room, ringing shrilly in my ears. My father stiffly places a hand on my shoulder.
“I think it’s time to go,” he declares, throwing my uncle a cold look.
His hand compliantly releases mine. The absence feels cold. I lean down to kiss his withered cheek, turn to leave, and stop.
Every moment that we’ve ever spent together flashes through me.
To have known him, when so many others never would, is more than I ever expected. All I am, all I feel, is grateful.
My back is to him as tears run down my cheeks.
A heart filled with such joy is excruciating.
-------
A heart filled with such joy is excruciating. Everything is alive and beautiful. Voids in the recesses of my heart are brimmed with cheery laughter. Tension in my muscles dissipates.
For the moment, we’re transferred to a world we’ve forged. One without expectations or dangers. All that I never told him is silently communicated and understood. His eyes bore into mine- tiny universes enveloped in their own gravitational pull, providing animation to his sickly form. Consequentially, we embrace, though he has not the strength to physically hold me.
“To be honest,
My hands tremble.
I’m surprised you got here in time,”
His grip tightens.
My aunt hardly conceals her boredom on the matter.
I cling desperately.
“Are you happy here?” I inaudibly croak.
A gorgeous, torn smile graces his cracked lips. He barely shakes his head.
He’s never looked so helplessly frail. I can hardly watch. Within seconds, my mind has furiously raced through every empty condolence. In my peripheral vision, before personally having decided on one to offer, I notice him straining in the bed, using small, deliberate movements to his advantage. White sheets drift off his chest and sweat gathers from his pores. Parting from my stupor, I move to support him as he props himself up.
There’s a foreboding look in his eyes. After clearing his throat, he looks up at me. Holding eye contact. Speaking the words slowly, deliberately.
“You… and me,… we’re going.. together.”
Everyone freezes. The fan propelling in the background becomes the only noise present in the room, ringing shrilly in my ears. My father stiffly places a hand on my shoulder.
“I think it’s time to go,” he declares, throwing my uncle a cold look.
His hand compliantly releases mine. The absence feels cold. I lean down to kiss his withered cheek, turn to leave, and stop.
Every moment that we’ve ever spent together flashes through me.
To have known him, when so many others never would, is more than I ever expected. All I am, all I feel, is grateful.
My back is to him as tears run down my cheeks.
A heart filled with such joy is excruciating.
