BestFriendsForever
Anbu Operative 🎭
- Joined
- May 27, 2013
- Messages
- 2,553
- Reaction score
- 211
As the title says. Some of they are quite stupid or interesting and realistic too! 
XD
~Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.
~They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?
~ The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?
~A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time when he actually gets the joke, and a third time when he realizes he was laughing without getting the joke at first.
~When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
~Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years.
~It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.
~If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.
~The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
~I'm not here to judge, I'm just pointing out all the mistakes you're making.
~What I do when I see someone pretty is I stare I smile then when I get tired I put the mirror down.
~The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well.
~In grammar class the teacher asks her student 'When you sing you say 'I sing' what do you say when your brother is singing? I say 'shut up you're a terrible singer'.
~Whoever said great things come in small packages hasn't seen my big screen TV.
~I don't smoke, don't drink, don't do drugs, I only have one small problem, I lie.
~Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see.
~Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.
~There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
~Don't disturb me, I am disturbed enough already.
~Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
~I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better.
~You know your driving is really terrible when your GPS says 'After 300 feet, stop and let me out!'
~If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid at all.
~After many years of studying my Geography book I finally know by heart that Australia is on page 23.
~Alcohol kills brain cells slowly, but that never bothered me because I'm not in a hurry.
~In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is bacteria.
~I always intended to pay for my sins, but I could never afford it.
~The only English words I saw in Japan were Sony and Mitsubishi.
~Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
~To make time fly, throw your watch out the window.
~In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
~I love making friends. I usually prefer to make them out of plaster and give them funny looking hats.
~I am on a 20 day diet, so far I've lost 10 days.
~My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
~I always help my wife out with housework such as washing the dishes and doing the laundry. She washes them, and I let them dry.
~Why didn't Bruce Willis play the lead role in Titanic? He would have saved everyone.
~I'll do the stupid thing first and then you shy people follow.
~The last thing that blew my mind was the wind.
~If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.
~I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me.
~Why does Chuck Norris' calendar go directly from March 31 to April 2nd? Nobody fools Chuck Norris!
~Store front sign: Entire store on sale, everything $1 or more.
~Chuck Norris has a bear carpet in his house, the bear isn't dead its just afraid to move.
~The future is not what it once used to be...
~Some people call me Mike, you can call me tonight.
~Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
~My wife asked me what numbers to play at the lottery. I told her 'the winning ones!'
~Newspaper Ad: Snowblower for sale, only used on snowy days.
~Funny sign at health spa: Fresh 10,000 year old mud for sale.
~Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.
So? What do you say?
XD~Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.
~They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?
~ The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?
~A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time when he actually gets the joke, and a third time when he realizes he was laughing without getting the joke at first.
~When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
~Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years.
~It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.
~If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.
~The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
~I'm not here to judge, I'm just pointing out all the mistakes you're making.
~What I do when I see someone pretty is I stare I smile then when I get tired I put the mirror down.
~The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well.
~In grammar class the teacher asks her student 'When you sing you say 'I sing' what do you say when your brother is singing? I say 'shut up you're a terrible singer'.
~Whoever said great things come in small packages hasn't seen my big screen TV.
~I don't smoke, don't drink, don't do drugs, I only have one small problem, I lie.
~Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see.
~Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.
~There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
~Don't disturb me, I am disturbed enough already.
~Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
~I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better.
~You know your driving is really terrible when your GPS says 'After 300 feet, stop and let me out!'
~If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid at all.
~After many years of studying my Geography book I finally know by heart that Australia is on page 23.
~Alcohol kills brain cells slowly, but that never bothered me because I'm not in a hurry.
~In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is bacteria.
~I always intended to pay for my sins, but I could never afford it.
~The only English words I saw in Japan were Sony and Mitsubishi.
~Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
~To make time fly, throw your watch out the window.
~In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
~I love making friends. I usually prefer to make them out of plaster and give them funny looking hats.
~I am on a 20 day diet, so far I've lost 10 days.
~My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.
~I always help my wife out with housework such as washing the dishes and doing the laundry. She washes them, and I let them dry.
~Why didn't Bruce Willis play the lead role in Titanic? He would have saved everyone.
~I'll do the stupid thing first and then you shy people follow.
~The last thing that blew my mind was the wind.
~If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.
~I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me.
~Why does Chuck Norris' calendar go directly from March 31 to April 2nd? Nobody fools Chuck Norris!
~Store front sign: Entire store on sale, everything $1 or more.
~Chuck Norris has a bear carpet in his house, the bear isn't dead its just afraid to move.
~The future is not what it once used to be...
~Some people call me Mike, you can call me tonight.
~Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
~My wife asked me what numbers to play at the lottery. I told her 'the winning ones!'
~Newspaper Ad: Snowblower for sale, only used on snowy days.
~Funny sign at health spa: Fresh 10,000 year old mud for sale.
~Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.
So? What do you say?
